You're Not Alone
by TigerLily888
Summary: Emily wants Hotch to know that he has a shoulder to lean on. Will their burgeoning friendship lead to something more? Hurt, comfort and angst. Now complete.
1. You're Not Alone

**Hi again, lovely people, I've decided to post the first chapter of my new fic a week earlier than I planned, mainly because I kinda need a push to keep going with the later chapters. There's a fair bit of angst on the way just so you know, as this will be quite different, at least mood wise to my fun-filled 'Sin to Win Weekend' fic. Anyway, I do hope you'll enjoy it. This story was inspired by Meredith Andrew's song "You're Not Alone" (and yes, I realise it's a song about her faith, but I think the words are beautiful nonetheless) so if you're keen, check it out on youtube.**

**Disclaimer: The characters from Criminal Minds are owned by CBS and its affiliates, no infringement is intended. Lyrics copyright of Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.  
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><p><em>You're not alone for I am here, <em>

_Let me wipe away your every fear _

_My love I've never left your side _

_I have seen you through the darkest night..._

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><p>Emily knocked on Hotch's door.<p>

"Enter." Hotch looked up at her as she walked in.

"Here's the last attachment for the Rafferty report." She placed the document on his desk.

"Thanks. You should have gone home with the others," he said, "it's late. The report could have waited till tomorrow."

"It's fine, I wanted to get it finished. I think you should take your own advice about going home, you look exhausted, Hotch." Her eyes took in the deeply drawn lines around his mouth and the dark shadows under his eyes. He looked like he had barely slept in days.

"I'm fine. I just have a couple of things left to do and I'm leaving too. See you tomorrow."

Emily nodded and turned to leave. At the doorway she turned back to have a last look at him, concerned about him. He looked so alone sitting hunched over at his desk, the gloom in the room kept away by the lone desk lamp. She felt her heart clenched in sudden sympathy. He really had no one that cared about him. Of course the team cared about him, he was part of their family, but even after all this time, he held himself slightly apart from them, never completely letting his guard down.

She knew it was because he was their Unit Chief and held himself responsible for everything that they did. He had to always be completely above reproach and could not appear to be fallible or vulnerable. She thought that as time went by he was smiling less and less. The frown on his brow was now more pronounced than it was in the past and she couldn't remember the last time he had actually laughed.

When Hotch emitted a heavy sigh and rubbed his forehead with his hand, Emily knew she had to do something.

"C'mon, Hotch, get up, you're coming with me." She walked up to him and grabbed his hand determinedly, pulling him up to a standing position.

"What?" Hotch looked confused. "What are you doing, Emily?" He stood unresisting as she grabbed his coat and helped him into it, probably too tired to even realise what she was doing.

"I'm going to take you to have something to eat, then drive you home. You need to get out of this place." She took his hand again and tugged him towards the door. When he didn't budge, she looked up at him.

He was shaking his head. "I can't, I really need to finish this report, there's so much I've still got left to do."

"Hotch, look at me. Look at me," she said insistently. When he finally met her eyes, his frown had drawn his brows low over his eyes.

"You've been here every night for the two weeks working late and I know you've been in on the weekends as well. You're about to burn out, Hotch, and I'm not going to stand around and do nothing."

He opened his mouth to protest but she stopped him, her voice soft, but still firm. "I know you've had to do a lot of work for Strauss but if you collapse from exhaustion that's not going to help anyone. So you're going to come with me now and no arguments, because I'm not going to accept any."

Hotch looked at her for a long moment, but to her surprise he didn't glare at her as she was half expecting. Nor did he say anything. Perhaps his usual defences were down due to his exhaustion. He finally sighed, looking resigned. "Just let me get my briefcase and we can go."

Emily wanted to stop him from bringing any work home, but she knew she had already won a small victory in getting him to leave the office so she kept quiet as he packed.

A few minutes later they were in her car heading north.

"Where are we going?"

She glanced over at his question and saw that he had leaned his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes. Her heart ached at the tension she could see on his face and his body and she wished she could somehow take all his worries away. She flicked her eyes back to the road, astounded at the thought. _Where had that thought come from?_ She had always felt this affinity for him because she understood him. They were alike in many ways.

They were constantly driven to achieve their best and expected the best from everyone around them. They both had an extremely strong work ethic and never gave in to defeat in whatever task they undertook. They approached their work methodically and carefully, strategising every step of the way, constantly weighing the evidence and information before them and analysing the pros and cons of alternative methods and solutions. She knew many agents thought of Hotch as being cold and calculating. She knew better. He shut his emotions away so that he could be a more effective agent and to protect himself. They saw such terrible things every day that if they didn't have this mechanism they would never be able to function as human beings, much less respected members of the BAU.

She was aware enough though to realise that she had never felt such concern for him before.

"Emily?"

She surfaced from her thoughts as his voice. Glancing quickly over she saw that his dark eyes were now focused on her.

"Oh, uh, I'm taking you to a really great Szechuan restaurant in Newington. I just discovered it last month and it's got really great food."

"Szechuan." He thought for a moment. "The food from that province is really spicy isn't it?"

"Yep, it's going to blow your socks off. So I hope you've got a spare pair somewhere in that briefcase of yours." She grinned at him, knowing she was making a silly joke, but wanting to try and lighten his mood.

He didn't smile but she noticed the tension in his face ease just a little, enough to give her hope.

"How did you know I like spicy food?" His eyes was still focused intently on her and she quickly turned her attention back to the road, wondering why his gaze was suddenly causing her nervous flutter in her stomach. _It was Hotch for goodness sake, get a grip Emily_.

"Well, you see, I'm a profiler at the BAU and part of our job is to..." She burst out in laughter at the exasperated look he flashed her. "I saw how much you enjoyed the chilli beef when we were in that Chinese restaurant in San Francisco. So I thought you'd like to try something a bit different." She flipped her left signal and took the turnoff towards Newington. "There's this really awesome chicken and peanut dish and this other one with tofu that you'll love."

"I'm not so much concerned with my taste buds as the effect of the chilli on my digestive system." He looked out of the side window at the buildings passing by.

"I'll tell them to dial the chilli down a notch." She spied the street she was after coming and up turned in. It was late so she was able to find a parking spot directly in front of the restaurant.

"You don't speak Mandarin, do you?" Hotch asked as they reached the door to the restaurant. He held the door open for her then followed her in.

"No, I'm learning though."

He looked at her, eyebrows raised. She had surprised him with this.

"What?"

They were shown to a table for two and sat down while the waitress gave them both menus sporting well worn red covers.

"When do you even have the time or energy to learn another language?"

"You obviously don't know everything about me, Hotch," she said, giving him what she hoped was a mysterious look. She seemed to have discovered a sudden liking for teasing him.

He shook his head in resignation, his mouth hitching into a small smile. "Emily, I realised a long time ago that I would never know everything about you no matter how long we were friends."

She held her breath at his words. "Do you really consider me a friend, Hotch?"

He frowned at her question. "Of course I do, why won't I?"

She shrugged, wondering how she should answer his question. "Well, you keep all of us at arms' length all the time, Hotch. I don't think you've ever spoken to me about anything personal besides Jack."

"You know I don't like discussing personal issues at work." He took a sip of Chinese tea that the waitress had brought over.

"We're not always at work," she replied. "And even if we are, sharing personal things are what friends do, Hotch. You've never invited us to your place and it's been a long time since I've seen you even being relaxed with us."

He was silent for a while, obviously thinking, going by the slight frown on his forehead.

The waitress came to take their order and Hotch seemed happy to let her do the honours so she did.

"You're right, Emily. I have been keeping you at arms' length. I guess I just never considered it appropriate to treat you in a familiar manner. No matter how close we are as a team, I'm still the unit chief and there are certain responsibilities that come with that position." He was confirming her earlier deductions about his behaviour. "You have a point though, I can probably relax a bit."

"A bit?" she teased. "Hotch, I mean no offence, but if you are so wound up so tight at the moment that if I stuck a piece of charcoal up your nether region I would end up with a diamond. Seriously." She finished her tea and poured another cup, topping his up as well.

He gave her a mild look. "Seriously, that was an inappropriate comment to make to your superior."

"So write me up," she said challengingly. She couldn't seem to stop the cheeky retorts from firing out of her mouth.

"Insubordination. Hmm... I would never have expected that of you, Emily."

She felt a warmth in her chest at his use of her first name. He did that so rarely that she never failed to notice when he did. She noticed the glimmer of amusement in his eyes and just couldn't resist. "There is something else you could do if writing me up doesn't really grab you."

"And what's that?" His eyes narrowed slightly.

"Rope and corporal punishment come to mind." She unsuccessfully tried to smother her mischievous smile.

His mouth twitched and she almost cheered. "I'm not sure if I should be referring you to the staff psychologist or sign you up to a sexual harassment seminar."

"Trust me sir, if I were to sexually harass you, you'd know." Oh God, did she just say that? Emily felt her cheeks flame with embarrassment as Hotch focused on her with laser like intensity.

Mercifully their food arrived at that precise moment. The waitress served them rice and then left.

"So what did you order?"

Thank God he decided to ignore what had just escaped from her unruly mouth. She followed his cue.

"This one here's the chicken with peanuts and dried chillies, this one is the tofu with mince pork and this is the beef with sweet chilli." Emily scooped a little bit of each into his bowl of rice.

Hotch tried a bite of the chicken and she waited to see his reaction.

"That was really good. Spicy, but good. I really like the texture of the crunchy peanuts in it." He nodded approvingly as he tasted the tofu next.

"What do you think?" She scooped a couple of spoonfuls of the tofu onto her rice. It was her favourite so she decided to start with it.

"Not bad. I was a bit doubtful about the tofu to be honest, but it's good."

"It's my absolute favourite, I love the slippery tofu and the savoury spicy mince on top. I could eat it all the time."

"The beef is good too, but I think the chicken is more my thing."

They ate in silence for a few minutes.

Emily smiled when she saw how much Hotch was enjoying the food. "I told you it was going to be good."

"You're right. I hadn't actually realised how hungry I was until I started eating."

"You've been skipping meals a lot lately, huh?"

He didn't answer immediately. She waited patiently for him to take a sip of his tea.

"Work's been pretty busy," he replied at last.

"Is Chief Strauss ever coming back from leave? Because you can't keep going on like this, Hotch. You're carrying the workload of two people and something's going to give at some stage. I hope you'll forgive me for saying this, but if you really see me as a friend, you'll realise that I'm telling you this because I'm worried about you." _Okay, that sounded way too personal._ She quickly continued. "We all are. You're either going to make a mistake at work that might have serious consequences or your health's going to suffer. And when was the last time you spent some quality time with Jack?" She saw his shoulders tense and she was sorry that she was using the guilt card, but she needed to make him see what he was doing.

"You're not telling me what I don't already know, Emily. I just don't have any alternatives at the moment. We hadn't planned for Chief Strauss to take extra time off. If I had known I would have appointed Morgan to act as temporary Unit Chief at the start. I'm seeing the Assistant Director next week to discuss what to do in the medium term about Chief Strauss' absence."

Emily felt guilty when she saw the exhaustion in his face and eyes. "I'm sorry, Hotch, I shouldn't have been preaching to you. I didn't mean to sound patronising."

He shook his head. "You didn't. I know you're all worried about me, I'll be fine, I just need to get some sleep and hopefully everything will be sorted out soon."

She reached out and put her hand over his. "You know I'm here if you ever need to talk, or anything at all, right?"

"I know, thanks." His eyes dropped down to her hand resting on his and she quickly withdrew it, feeling embarrassed. She wasn't usually a touchy feely person, she couldn't be, growing up with the parents she had, so she had no idea what made her touch him a moment ago. Hotch's demeanour barely invited any concern, much less skin contact. _Way to go with the inappropriate behaviour, Emily. _

They finished the rest of their meal, alternating between comfortable silence and idle chit chat.

Some time later, Emily drew up in front of Hotch's apartment building.

"Thanks for dinner, I really enjoyed it." Hotch looked at her, face as inscrutable as always.

"You're welcome," she replied lightly. "I'm glad you had a good time."

There was an awkward pause as they stared at each other. Hotch finally cleared his throat. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yep, see you then." She watched as he got out of her car.

Before he closed the door he bent down. "Good night Emily."

"Good night." She gave him a little wave and put her car in gear. It was only when she drove off that she realised she had been holding her breath. _What in the world was wrong with her?_

**I'd really like to hear your thoughts about this first chapter. What did you think?**_  
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	2. That's Amore

**I have to apologise as I forgot to mention that this entire story was in actual fact inspired by HGRHfan35 who told me about an interview that Thomas Gibson had done while he was in Monte Carlo where he said that Hotch had no one he could open up to. Poor, lonely, Hotch. So a MIGHTY HUGE thank you, HGRHfan35, you are awesome and this story is for you.**

**Song lyrics copyright of Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, FOUR JAYS MUSIC PUB, sung by Dean Martin**

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><p><em>When the moon hits you eye like a big pizza pie<br>That's amore  
>When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine<br>That's amore_

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><p>A week later, Emily was folding her laundry when her cell rang. The display showed Hotch. <em>Oh no, not a case, not on my first free Saturday in ages, please.<em>

"Prentiss." Her voice was curt.

"Emily. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

He actually sounded somewhat apologetic, so she dropped her attitude. "No, no, just catching up on a mountain of laundry. Have we been called in?"

"No, I, uh, was just calling to see if you had any plans tonight."

Emily felt her heart skip a beat. What was Hotch about to ask her? "This is going to sound pathetic, but no, I have no plans. Why do you ask?"

"Well, Jack and I were planning to make some pizza tonight, so we were wondering if you'd like to join us?"

"I would love to join you!" _Whoa, that sounded a tad too enthusiastic, tone it down, Emily._ "That sounds great. Do you need me to bring anything?"

"No, just bring yourself, we've got everything sorted. Oh and Emily?"

"Yeah?"

"You might want to prepare yourself because it's going to be a messy affair."

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><p>That night, as Emily waited for Hotch to come to the door, she wondered why she was experiencing butterflies in her stomach. She had worked with him for almost five years and had never felt the way she was feeling now. Ever since the night they had gone out for dinner she had started noticing him in a different way than she ever hand before.<p>

She had suddenly found herself watching him covertly as he read his reports on the jet, gaze lingering on the movement of his strong hand as he jotted down notes, the frown of concentration on his brow. Her eyes followed the purse of his lips as he took a sip of coffee, the muscles of his throat moving when he swallowed. She was even noticing the way he acted in the field; the way he relayed his orders authoritatively, completely confident that they would be obeyed, the calmness and the sureness in the way he moved when they were about to take down an unsub. She had seen him do all these a hundred times before and yet now, she was suddenly aware of him.

And when he opened the door and she felt her heart give a leap of joy, she knew she was in big trouble.

"Hey Hotch," she said brightly, trying to cover her sudden discomfiture. He looked casual and relaxed in a sky blue v-necked jumper and jeans.

"Come in." He stood back to let her in and closed the door behind her. "Jack, look who's here."

"Emily!" Jack came barrelling around the corner and swung his arms around her legs.

"Jack! Hey," Emily laughed as she bent down and put her arms around him.

He finally stepped back and gave her a big grin. "Did you come to help me and Daddy make pizza?"

"I sure did, is that okay?"

"Yup, I think it would be good cos last time Daddy and me made a big mess and Daddy got cranky cos it took him ages to clean up the cheese that got squished into the floor."

Emily had to bit her lip hard to keep from laughing at the earnest look on Jack's face and the embarrassed one on Hotch's. They were both so gorgeous. _Emily, you're beginning to sound like a lovesick fool, stop it!_

"How about we try to be careful about dropping cheese on the floor today, but if we do, that's all right because I'm a super duper cleaner upper."

Jack nodded enthusiastically. His eyes widened when he saw the package in her hand. "What's in there?"

"Jack, that's not polite," Hotch admonished gently.

"Well, that's actually a pretty good question, because it's something for you." She pulled a Boeing 767 model out of the plastic carrier.

"A plane! It's so awesome!" He took it from her and started to run off.

"Jack, what do you say?" called out Hotch.

"Thank you, Emily!" Jack yelled out as he went out of sight, making aeroplane noises as he disappeared out of sight.

"You shouldn't have, but thanks," murmured Hotch. He lifted his eyebrows questioningly when she handed the bag to him.

"I brought some chocolate ice-cream for dessert."

"Thanks, I'm sure we'll enjoy that." He walked towards the kitchen, Emily trailing behind him. Taking the ice-cream out of the bag, he went over to the fridge and put it in the freezer. "Would you like a drink?"

"What have you got?"

"I've got beer and juice, but I thought maybe you'd be interested in a glass of Chateau Montelena chardonnay." He took it out of the fridge and opened it.

Emily gaped at him. "You didn't get that especially for me, did you? That's like my favourite chardonnay at the moment. How did you know?"

Hotch gave her a slight smile as he passed her a glass. "I could say it's because of my superior profiling skills but really, it's because I overheard you telling JJ last week."

Emily closed her eyes when she took her first sip, just managing to stop herself from emitting a moan of enjoyment. Not an appropriate sound to emit in _any_ situation where your boss was concerned. "This is soooooo good, thanks for buying this. You really shouldn't have, it's not exactly cheap."

"You're welcome."

When she finally opened her eyes again, Hotch had a peculiar look on his face that she was unable to decipher. His dark eyes focusing on her was stirring up the butterflies in her stomach, which had settled down in the last few minutes. Trying to dispel the feeling, she said the first thing that came to mind. "So was tonight's invitation a result of my comment the other night that you haven't invited any of us over to your place?"

He had the grace to give her a slightly shamefaced smile. "Yes, partly. When Jack suggested a pizza party I thought that it really won't be much of one with just the two of us. So I contacted the team this morning to see who was free."

Emily tried to ignore the disappointment she felt. So it wasn't just her that he had called. "So who else is coming?" she asked, taking a couple more sips of her chardonnay.

"Just you. Everyone else already had plans."

"What? Reid was busy?" She didn't know whether to be relieved or outraged.

"He said he was going to a movie with a friend."

Emily groaned painfully. "Oh God, even Reid has a date. Apparently my patheticness knows no bounds."

Hotch's mouth twitched. "Well, I didn't have plans either, does that make you feel a bit better?"

She gave him a look. "That just makes us both losers, so no."

"Hey, I'm still your boss, so easy with the character assassination." Although his tone was light, his face gave nothing away as usual.

"Friends can pretty much say anything to each other." She frowned at him, worried. "We're friends right?"

He nodded slowly. "Anything, you say?" He said this contemplatively, taking sip of his own glass of wine.

"Yep."

"I was going to tell the team on Monday, but I spoke to the Assistant Director yesterday and with Chief Strauss being on leave for at least another four months, they'll be bringing someone in to act in her position. I said that I was unable to continue to do her duties as well as mine."

"That's great news, Hotch. So no more management meetings and administration crap to deal with?"

"One more week and the new person will be in place."

"I am so pleased to hear that, Hotch. Maybe now you can relax a bit and spend more time with Jack."

"That's the plan. So tonight's a bit of an early celebration."

Emily smiled at him. "I'll drink to that." She walked over. "Cheers." She lifted her glass up and he clinked his against hers. They both took a simultaneous sip of their wine. She lowered her glass, her gaze meeting his. There was an awkward silence as they looked at each other, neither wanting to acknowledge the tension that had just formed between them.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Jack yelled out, jolting them both out of their stillness. He appeared in the kitchen, still holding on to his plane.

"Jack, Jack, Jack." Hotch smiled at his boisterous child.

Emily suppressed a smile at Hotch's response. It never ceased to surprise her that he had a completely different side to his personality when he was with his son. If only he would smile like that with her. Work would be so much better. _Except you'd be forever daydreaming about him, so maybe not,_ whispered a voice in her head.

"I'm starving, can we make pizza now, please, please?"

Hotch looked over at her. "If that's okay with Emily."

She grinned at Jack. "I'm starving too, so let's do it!"

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><p>Hotch reached into the fridge and started taking pizza ingredients out while Emily and Jack cleared the dining table.<p>

After the third trip to the lounge, Hotch overheard Jack complain from the other room. "I wish Dad didn't always put so much stuff on the table. He's always working, even when he's home with me."

"Here, let me help," he heard Emily reply. He had to strain his ears when she continued speaking in a soft voice. "You know your dad works really hard to catch bad guys, right?"

"I know." Jack's voice was mournful and Hotch felt a fresh surge of guilt.

"Well, he's also got to do lots of other things at work at the moment, like needing to go and meet other people and make sure that all of us, Derek, Penn, JJ, Uncle Dave, Spencer and I are okay and happy. And that's why he has a lot of work to do. Do you know he's like the best boss that anyone could ever have in the whole entire world?"

"He is?" Jack sounded dubious. Hotch felt his chest tighten. Did she really mean what she had just said?

"Uh huh, he sure is. And I know your dad's working really hard at the moment, but it'll get better soon and he's going to be able to spend more time with you. So just be patient for a bit longer and give him a chance, what do you think?"

"Okay."

"Tell you what. If it's okay with your dad, maybe you can come and hang out with me tomorrow. I know this really awesome place we can go check out and if you're really, really lucky, I might take you to my most favourite ice-cream place."

"Yes please!" The excitement in Jack's voice was obvious.

"But we have to ask your dad first," warned Emily, her voice sounding closer.

Hotch quickly grabbed a pack of chopped ham to open, pretending to be engrossed in the task.

"Daddy, can I, can I?"

"Can you what?" He decided that he wasn't going to reveal that he had overheard Emily and Jack's conversation.

"Can Emily take me out tomorrow, pleeeese? She said it was going to be so much fun."

"Not tomorrow, buddy, you have a playdate with John, remember?" Seeing the crestfallen look on Jack's face, Hotch had to smile. "But if Emily's free next weekend, you definitely can."

"Emily, did you hear that? Next weekend I'm free! Are you?"

"Lucky for you, I am. It's a date." She grinned at Jack's enthusiastic face.

"Yay!" Jack jumped up and down on the spot. "Are the pizza toppings ready yet, Daddy?"

"Almost." Hotch took the pizza base and some of the ingredients to the dining table, Emily taking the rest.

"Okay, now here's the pizza sauce, careful now," he warned as Jack squeezed the bottle of sauce onto the pizza base.

"Can you help me spread it, Emily?" Jack looked at Emily beseechingly. Hotch rolled his eyes as Emily nodded.

"Sure, it would be my pleasure. Nice request, Jack. Asking is so much better than ordering." She flashed Hotch a cheeky grin.

Hotch felt a curious warmth in his chest at her smile. He hadn't failed to notice the brilliance of her smile or the bright spark in her eyes when she laughed. She was a beautiful woman, a fact he had noticed and then subsequently filed away, like Morgan's seemingly tough exterior and Reid's genius. It was definitely not an attribute that a supervisor should be dwelling on in relation to a subordinate. Except that he seemed to be dwelling it more than once in the past week. If he was honest with himself, more than a handful of times.

He narrowed his eyes at her in warning. She obviously thought that they were in the friends 'space' because all she did was stick her tongue out at him, taking him aback. He must have looked surprised, because a delicate blush suddenly came over her cheeks and she looked away, hurriedly taking a handful of ham to help Jack scatter it across the pizza base.

"What next, Jack?" Hotch watched as she tucked her hair behind one ear, waiting patiently for Jack's reply. She was so natural with him that Hotch never failed to be surprised with her empathy for children. Especially as she had no siblings, nor had a close relationship with her mother. It was just who she was, just like all the other traits she owned that he admired. The drive to overachieve, the way she compartmentalised in order to be an effective agent, her passion to succeed in everything she did, her confidence in her own abilities, the way she never let anything interfere with her work. It struck him just then how well he understood her and how alike they were.

"Just the pineapple and the cheese. Then you and dad can make your adult ones."

Emily burst out in laughter. "Adult ones?" She raised an eyebrow at Hotch.

He couldn't prevent a grin forming on his face. "Yeah, I hate pineapple so I normally do an 'adult' one for myself," he replied, making the quotation marks with his hands. "I usually go for mushrooms, salami, capsicum, onions and jalapenos. Are you up for that?"

"Bring it on," she replied, grinning back at him.

"I'm done!" yelled Jack, jumping off the chair he had been kneeling on. "I'm going to go play with my new plane while it cooks, is that okay, Dad?"

Hotch nodded. "Sure, just wash your hands first."

"I'll put it in the oven." Emily took the baking tray with Jack's pizza on it to the oven and slipped it in while Hotch placed another pizza base on a new tray. He picked up the sauce bottle and squeezed it onto the pizza. Nothing happened. He shook it, then squeezed again. Nothing. _What the hell?_ He unscrewed the lid and peered in. There didn't seem to be anything that was causing a blockage. He didn't notice that Emily was now back at the table, watching him in amusement while she started separating a small stack of salami. Hotch finally put the lid back on and squeezed, really hard this time.

The sauce came out of the bottle at full throttle, spraying the pizza and everything else around it. Hotch was so surprised that he automatically lifted the bottle while still squeezing, causing Emily to shriek as the sauce landed on her shirt and face, her hands automatically raising to shield herself.

"_Shit!_" Hotch dropped the bottle onto the table, rushing to the kitchen to grab a roll of paper towels. He ran back and started to wipe at the sauce that liberally spotted her white top.

"Hotch, I got it. I got it!" she repeated sharply and Hotch froze, suddenly realising that he was dabbing ineffectually on her chest. Her generously proportioned chest.

"S..sorry," he stammered out his apology, taking a step back as she wiped herself. _Smooth, Hotchner, real smooth._

She sighed, looking down at her clothes. "I don't think there's any hope for this shirt."

God, what a mess he had made of things. He should never have invited her over. "Emily, I'm so sorry."

She shrugged, taking a swipe at her face. "Hey, you did warn me it was going to be messy. I didn't think it would be you making the mess though." Hotch was surprised and supremely relieved to see her smile at him ruefully. "I do need something to change into, do you have anything?"

"Uh, sure, of course. The bathroom's this way."

Hotch knocked on the bathroom door a few minutes later. "Are you all right?"

The door opened. Emily stood before him, hair tied up, his grey sweatshirt hanging on her slight frame, sleeves rolled up.

"How I look?"

Hotch looked at her, trying to ignore the sudden tension in the pit of his stomach. The intimacy of the scene didn't escape him. Here he was, standing in his bathroom with a gorgeous woman, despite being bare of make up, wearing his shirt next to her almost bare skin. He could smell the soft floral scent of her perfume.

"You look fine." He was thankful for his skill in hiding how he was feeling.

She stepped closer and tilted her head to the right. "Did I miss any sauce here?"

Hotch stared down at the long line of her bare neck. "Just a bit," he said huskily as he reached out one finger and wiped off the small smear that was left behind by her earlier cleaning efforts.

"Thanks."

Their eyes collided as he straightened up. Black eyes locked with brown, a sudden heat flaring between them. Their lips drew closer...

**I'm really, really sorry for the cliffhanger ending but I had to stop here as the chapter was getting way too long. But I promise the next one will be up in a few days' time. I'd still love to hear what you thought of this chapter though, please?**


	3. The Hug Song

**Here's the next chapter, many apologies for the cliffhanger, everyone. Although really, all you clever readers knew what was going to happen next. So I'll try not to be so predictable next time!  
><strong>

**Hug Song copyright Rounder Records, sung by Fred Small**

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><p><em>I wanna hug when you say hello<br>I wanna hug when it's time to go  
>I wanna hug because everyone knows<br>Hugging is good for you _

_I wanna hug, it's a wonderful feeling  
>Wanna hug, it helps with (it's part of) the healing<br>Wanna hug, because hugging feels  
>Like a natural thing to do <em>

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><p>"DAD!"<p>

Hotch jumped back from Emily as if he had just heard a gunshot.

"Dad?" Jack peered into the bathroom, giving them a curious look.

"Hey, what's up?" Hotch felt his heart beating a hundred miles an hour, trying to look normal as he met his son's eyes.

"I think my pizza's done."

"Oh, yes, it probably is." He hurried out of the bathroom after Jack too afraid to look back at Emily's face.

Hotch settled Jack on the couch with a slice of pizza, the dining table not having been cleaned up in time. When he came back into the kitchen, Emily had started wiping the sauce up from the table.

"Here, let me." Hotch reached for the damp cloth she was using.

"It's fine. I've got it." She avoided his hand and continued to wipe, eyes cast down.

"Emily, I'm so sorry." He didn't know what else to say. The evening was turning out to be a disaster and he had no idea what to do to fix it.

She turned around and looked at him. "You've got nothing to be sorry about, Hotch." She gave him a pointed look. "Absolutely nothing."

He stared at her. Was she trying to say that they should forget about the moment they had had in the bathroom? Emily's face could be as unreadable as his was if she chose. And she was apparently choosing to hide her feelings at the moment.

Hotch decided to give her a way out in case she was looking for one. "If you want to go..."

She shook her head and he felt a wave of relief wash over him. "No, I don't. Besides," a smile started to form on her face, "you promised me a pizza, so I better be getting one, 'cos I'm starving."

He gave her a small smile, so glad she was smiling at him that he almost felt dizzy. _Man up for God's sake, Hotchner._ "I thought I should get you to work for it first," he said, gesturing to the saucy mess still spread around.

Her smile widened into a grin. "So I can't expect to get something for nothing, huh?"

"That's right." Hotch started to gather up the sauce sprinkled bowls of pizza ingredients to move to the kitchen counter as Emily went back to wiping.

He looked over when he heard her chuckle. "What's so funny?"

She gave him a suggestive wink. "You know, if you wanted to get me out of my clothes, all you had to do was ask."

Even as he flushed at her words, he was shaking his head at the peal of laughter that rang out from her.

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><p>Despite everything it ended up being a fun-filled night. After dinner they played a board game with Jack which led to rip-rorious laughter as he made up more and more rules as they went along, leading to ridiculous results at times.<p>

Emily smothered a yawn. "I think it's time for me to go, Jack." She stood up and stretched.

"Do you have to?" Jack looked disappointed, sticking his lower lip out in a pout. Hotch felt like doing the same. _What was the matter with him?_ He rolled his eyes inwardly at himself. He quickly stood up as well, grabbing Emily's coat and holding it out for her.

"Thanks," she murmured as she slipped her arms in. Hotch caught another whiff of her perfume. The scent was slightly different now though, as her perfume had interacted with her body chemistry and altered to a darker, more sensual smell. Damn, he knew he was in big trouble when the thought registered.

"I'm sorry, I do have to go. But I'll see you next week, remember?"

Jack brightened up at the reminder. "Yeah. G'night Emily."

"Goodnight Jack." Emily bent down and gave him a long, tight hug. She let him go and stood up, her eyes meeting Hotch's.

"Thanks for dinner, I had a great time."

"I'm glad." He smiled at her. "I'm really sorry about your shirt. Please let me buy you a new one."

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it, it was just a cheap one. I'll see on Monday."

"See you then."

Just as Hotch was reaching for the door, Jack stopped him.

"Wait! Daddy, you have to hug Emily too, just like I did."

Hotch froze, his mind blank.

"That's okay, Jack, that was a special hug, just for you." Emily quickly jumped in.

Hotch flashed her a grateful look.

"Well, then you have to give Daddy a special hug too, just like you gave me. 'Cos that was a really nice hug. And Daddy needs one cos I'm the only one he has to give him hugs." Jack looked at Emily, his serious expression an exact copy of Hotch's.

This time Emily looked lost for words. "Uh..."

Hotch reached over and gave her a lightning fast hug. He didn't give her time to put her arms around him, not daring to think about how she would feel if they gave each other an extended hug.

"There you go, buddy, we had a hug. Now it's time for Emily to go."

"No! You did that wrong, Daddy! You need to hold Emily and she needs to put her arms around you," Jack commanded, frowning at the both of them.

Emily blinked at him. Hotch sighed. His son could be just as single minded as he was himself. He looked at her. "Do you mind?" The question was almost as inappropriate as the planned upcoming action.

"No," she whispered.

Hotch slowly put his arms around her, giving her a chance to back away if she chose to. But she didn't. Instead she slipped her arms around his waist. Hotch let out a quiet breath when her arms tightened around him and their bodies settled softly against each other. He could not remember when he last held a woman in his arms. The silkiness of her hair against his cheek, the scent of her perfume as it surrounded him. The contours of her body fit perfectly against his, as if they had been made for each other.

At that dangerous thought, the rational part of his brain which he had never failed to listen to in the past yelled at him to release her. _This is Emily, your subordinate! Back away Hotch._ But his arms didn't listen, just held her close, as closely as he dared. It was only a hug, colleagues can give each other hugs. They were friends, too. Friends can give each other hugs. But you're not thinking of her as a friend are you? He felt his body start to react to her closeness and immediately loosened his arms. He wasn't sure he could look her in the eye again if she knew that he had become aroused from a simple hug.

"Well..." Emily gave him an uncertain look.

"Uh," Hotch cleared his throat. "I'll see you on Monday." He tried to give her a reassuring smile.

She smiled back tentatively. "See you then." She looked down at Jack. "I'll see you soon, Jack."

"Bye Emily." Jack waved until the door closed behind her.

"Emily's nice, Dad," he said as they walked towards the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Yes, she's a very nice person," agreed Hotch, putting some toothpaste on Jack's toothbrush.

"And she's super fun."

"Mm hmm." Hotch watched as Jack brushed his teeth quickly.

Jack rinsed and spat. "And she has a really great laugh, doesn't she Dad?"

"Yes, she does."

"Do you like Emily, Dad?" Hotch paused in the act of drawing up the covers on Jack's bed.

"Emily's my friend, so yes, I like her." He tucked the covers snugly around Jack. He wondered where the conversation was going.

"Well, since she's really, really nice and fun and you like her, I think you should marry her Dad."

_Ah, that's where he was going with the conversation._ "Jack, Emily's a really good friend and we like each other a lot, but don't love each other, buddy. And people need to be in love to get married, do you understand?" _Well, not necessarily, but this wasn't the time to get into semantics with a five-year-old._

"I guess." Jack looked thoughtful. "Dad, do you think that maybe one day you and Emily might love each other? 'Cos..." His voice trailed off.

"Because what, buddy?"

"'Cos I'd really like her to be my mom."

Hotch's heart clenched at his son's honest answer. Not for the first time, he wondered whether he should start dating, if not for his own sake, for Jack's. He had no answer for Jack so he did what parents sometimes do in these situations. "We'll talk about that in the morning, all right?" Because more often than not, children would have forgotten by morning what they were discussing the night before. And he was honest enough to admit to himself that he was avoiding the issue.

"Okay. Goodnight Dad."

"Goodnight son." Hotch pressed a kiss against Jack's forehead and left the room.

And yet that night as he laid alone in his bed unable to sleep, he couldn't help but imagine having Emily in their lives. To finally have someone to talk to in the darkest hours of the night, someone to share the burdens of life with, someone besides him who would instill all those important values that he wanted Jack to have. But most of all, someone who could simply hold him, the way she did tonight. No judgment, no expectations, no recriminations. Just acceptance. And love.

Putting aside the impossible work situation, the odds of Emily falling for him and somehow ending up in a relationship with him was infinitely laughable. He was old, tired, damaged in every way possible. She would have to be a matyr to want to be with him. _Or she could be in love_, a treacherous voice in his mind whispered. Hotch closed his eyes, using his phenomenal will to silence the voice. _Enough. No more._

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><p>He would have been comforted to know that two miles away, Emily too, was finding it hard to fall asleep despite her tiredness. Her mind was whirling with the events of the night; the sudden silences, the almost kiss in the bathroom and that hug. The best hug she had ever had. There was no ulterior motive for it. No expections, just a simple hug. Period.<p>

A simple hug that was causing her hormones to break out into a wild party. And it had been a _long_ time since they had last seen any action. This last fact would probably not have given much comfort to Hotch, likely the opposite. So it was a good thing that he had no clue of the intimate thoughts running like wildfire through Emily's mind. A very good thing, indeed.

**Thanks for reading. Please review if you have a moment to spare****, I love hearing from you!**


	4. Please Stay

**Hello lovely readers, thanks as always for your very kind reviews. Here's the next chapter.**

**Lyrics copyright of Sony Music, Syco Music and RCA, sung by Westlife**

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><p><em>If I call out your name like a prayer,<br>Would you leave me alone with my tears?  
>Knowing I need you so,<br>Would you still turn and go?  
>This time,<br>Be different,  
>Please stay<br>don't go  
>Please stay<em>

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><p>Emily sneezed into her tissue as she pushed open the door to the BAU. She felt like crap. Her head was pounding, her nose was so blocked that she had to breathe through her mouth and every muscle in her body ached. She could have sworn that even her very bones were aching. But she had a ton of reports she had to complete. And she knew that if she didn't, Hotch would end up doing them himself and he was busy enough as it was.<p>

It had been two weeks since the she had had pizza with Hotch and Jack and since then she had taken Jack out to an indoor playground that a friend with children had told her about after which she had joined them for a mac and cheese dinner. Luckily this time Jack had not insisted on another goodbye hug. She had decided to act as if that hug had never happened. It seemed that Hotch had had the same idea. Professionally, nothing had changed, Hotch treated her in the exact same manner as he he always did and neither one of them showed any indication that their relationship outside work was beginning to resemble an actual friendship. Emily wasn't sure why that was. It wasn't like they were doing anything wrong. She hung out with him and Jack in much the same way as she hung out with JJ and Henry. Of course, she didn't have the same feelings for JJ as she did for Hotch. Feelings for Hotch? Where had that thought come from?

She sneezed again, so suddenly that she wasn't in time to grab a new tissue and sprayed over her keyboard. She groaned in dismay, pressing the back of her forefinger to her dripping nose as she scrabbled around her handbag for a tissue.

"Emily? Are you all right?"

She shook her head, lifting her teary eyes to meet Hotch's. His habitual frown was in place, a look of concern in his eyes.

"Here." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, giving it to her.

"Oh no, I shouldn't," she said in a muffled voice, gesturing to her nose with her free hand.

"Don't be silly, take it."

After a slight hesitation, she did. After wiping her nose, she looked at him again. "Thanks. I'll get this back to you."

"Don't worry about it. What are you doing here? You don't look good at all." His dark eyes drilled in her, pinning her down and making her feel like she was a helpless insect at the end of a microscope.

She coughed, trying to clear her throat. "Gee thanks, you sure know the way to get to a woman's heart." There was no change to his expression.

"You need to go home, Emily."

"No, I'll be fine. I took a double dose of pseudoephidrine, the symptoms will go soon and I'll be good to go."

His frown deepened. "I don't think you should have taken a double dose of pseudoephidrine. Nothing's that urgent that you need to be here today. Go home."

"No Hotch, I need to finish these reports first. I told you I'd get them done today." She stared at him, a pleading look in her eyes. "Please let me stay for a bit, I'll just do some and then I'll go. I don't want you to have to stay behind just because I couldn't get them done."

His expression softened. "Don't worry about the reports, the rest of the team will help with them. I need you to go home and rest. You're not doing yourself or us any good here. Besides, you'll probably infect the rest of us if you stay here. It's a good thing I told everyone to come in a bit later than usual."

She opened her mouth to protest but saw the implacable look in his eyes and in the set of his mouth. She hardly ever took a sick day and she didn't want to spoil her attendance record, but she _was_ feeling like death warmed over. She was surprised she even managed to hold a normal conversation with Hotch. Her headache had grown worse and was causing nausea to churn in her stomach. "All right." She reached for her handbag and stood up, but the room whirled alarmingly around her.

Hotch's hand grabbed hold of her arm. "Easy." She reached up and braced her hand on his chest, taking deep breaths.

After a moment, she felt better. Well, not really, but the room had finally stopped moving. "I'm okay, now. You can let go."

"I don't think so. I'm going to take you home."

"Oh no, please there's no need. I'll be fine." He already had more work on his plate because of her, she couldn't take him away from work as well.

"There's no way you can drive yourself home, you can barely stand up. I'm going to call Morgan and let him know."

"Hotch..." she protested again, but more weakly this time.

"Come on, let's go." He slipped his arm around her waist, then waited patiently as she sneezed into his handkerchief again.

They got into his car and she leant back against the headrest in relief, vaguely listening as Hotch called Derek from his cell and told him that he was stepping out for a while.

Before he had even driven more than a mile, she had fallen asleep.

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><p>Hotch looked over at Emily as she slept, worry for her clouding his face. She was pale, a faint sheen of perspiration on her temples. Stopping at a red light, he reached over to touch her forehead, unsurprised to find that she had a temperature. As he drove further on, he saw a sign for a drug store and quickly pulled in. He glanced at her before he got out of the car and saw that she was still asleep. Assured that she would be fine for the next few minutes, he stepped out, locking the door behind him.<p>

He spoke with the pharmacist on duty and told her the symptoms that Emily was experiencing. She nodded, informing him that there was a particularly nasty virus making the rounds at the moment. Her advice was to make sure that Emily stayed hydrated and to take the flu medicine and painkillers until her temperature broke and her symptoms abated. She also suggested that someone stay with Emily as she could become too weak to move around. After listening to her advice, Hotch was thankful that he happened to have his go bag in the boot as it looked like he would have to stay with her for a while.

"Dave?" He spoke into his cell as the shop assistant rang up the purchases. Hotch took out his wallet to pay for the medication.

"Hotch, where are you?"

"I'm at a drug store. Emily came in sick and I'm taking her home. Stopped here to get some extra medication just in case." He signed the credit card receipt and gave it back to the shop assistant.

"Is she all right?"

"She's in pretty bad shape. The pharmacist just told me that there's a bad virus going around and that someone should stay with her. So I think I better stick around for a while and see how she is."

"Sure. I'll let everyone know."

"Thanks. I'll check in later."

"Aaron?"

"Yeah?" Hotch took his purchases and started walking back to the car.

"It might be a long day. Have you got something to read?"

"I've got some files with me."

He heard Dave chuckle. "Why am I not surprised. Catch you later."

He hung up and opened the car door, eyes immediately shooting towards Emily. She looked worse, her face now even paler than it was this morning, her breathing laboured. He quickly got in and drove the rest of the way to her house, as fast as he could.

When he reached her apartment block, he took her keys out of her handbag and jogged up to her apartment to open the door first. Then he came back down and lifted her out of the car, taking care not to bump her head. He noticed with concern that she barely even stirred, her head lolling weakly against his shoulder. He reached her apartment, panting slightly from the exertion of walking up two flights of stairs bearing her weight. He really needed to visit the gym at work more often than the twice a week he was doing at the moment.

He closed the door behind him with his foot and walked down the hallway to her bedroom. Gently laying her down on her bed, he then took off her boots and socks, then pausing briefly to look her her, took a deep breath and unfastened her tailored grey slacks. As he drew them down her legs, his brain registered her sleekly muscled calves and the smooth skin on her legs and thighs. _Focus, for God's sake, Hotchner!_

He tried to remove her jacket, but its fitted cut made it difficult. "Emily," he said softly as he slipped and arm her her to lift her up. "Emily, I need to take your jacket off. Wake up. Emily," he repeated again, more firmly this time.

Her eyes fluttered and opened, staring at him drowsily. She said nothing although she managed to stay up in a sitting position, head not quite steady. She sat still, letting him take her jacket, then watched quietly as he unbuttoned her shirt. Hotch kept his face sternly impassive, ignoring the slight increase of his pulse. He took her shirt off, averting his eyes from her chest, but not before he saw her beige coloured bra, which would have looked completely practical if it wasn't for the delicate white lace edging. He clenched his jaw, forcing his mind back on the task of getting her comfortable. Thankfully he had caught sight of a t-shirt and pyjama pants folded on top of the dresser and walked over to get the t-shirt, deciding not to bother with the pants for now.

Just after he had helped her into the t-shirt, she clutched his arm, startling him. He frowned in concern at the look of alarm on her pale face.

"Hotch, I think I'm going to..."

He lifted her off the bed in a flash, running to the bathroom. They got there just in time and he held her as she threw up into the toilet, holding her hair back from her face.

When she finally finished, she leant back weakly against him.

After a couple of minutes, he murmured. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up and back in bed."

He stood by as she brushed her teeth and cleaned her face. He held her arm and they walked back into the bedroom. Hotch drew the covers over her saw she had a glass of water on her bedside table.

"Here, have some water." He watched as she took a few sips and handed the glass back to him.

"You can go, Hotch, I'll be okay," she whispered, her eyes already drooping.

"Go to sleep, Emily, everything's going to be fine."

After she fell asleep, he gave Jessica a call, asking her to take Jack for the night, explaining that he had to care for a sick friend. He could tell that she was somewhat surprised that he even had a friend close enough to do something like this for, but being Jessica, she agreed straight away. He was lucky to have a sister-in-law like her.

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><p>He watched her as she slept, wondering what it was that he was feeling for her. He knew that over the last month she was becoming a close friend and both he and Jack enjoyed spending time with her. But deep down he knew that she was starting to mean more to him than just a friend. Perhaps it was because it had been such a long time since he had had any female companionship and this made him vulnerable. Bullshit, his mind chided him. He won't be feeling this way for any female. It was Emily that he couldn't seem to stay away from.<p>

Before the late night dinner a month ago, he had never looked at Emily in a non-professional manner. In fact he had never really _looked_ at her before. But in the past month, he noticed that his eyes were constantly straying over to her. He was fascinated by the way she shared a laugh with Morgan, her head tipped back, teeth flashing; the way she licked the corner of her mouth when she was unsure of what to say; the confident and self-assured manner she spoke to her colleagues and others; even the way she tapped her long, elegant fingers on the table as she concentrated on her reports. His gaze would linger on the gentle curve of her waist as she leaned against the bench in the break room, drinking her fifth cup of coffee for the day, her face as she inhaled the aroma from her coffee mug. He realised that he was doing all this things and yes, it was completely unprofessional.

It was a good thing that he stopped by the drug store and received the advice from the pharmacist, because over the course of the next twelve hours, Emily alternated between sleeping fitfully, coughing and throwing up. Hotch was right there by her side, holding her in the bathroom, wiping her down with wet towels, trying to keep her temperature from getting too high as she was unable to keep anything down.

Thankfully, her temperature finally broke at around eight that evening. Her t-shirt was drenched with sweat and Hotch helped her out of it, as well as her underwear, trying to look at her as dispassionately as he could. She looked so unwell that he would have felt like a complete bastard if he had been aroused by her naked body. Of course, he couldn't stop his subconscious from registering the incredible perfection that was Emily.

"Hotch, don't..." Her voice was so weak he could barely hear her.

"It's all right...I need to get you into some dry clothes." He pulled the top sheet over her and went over to the dresser, finding her fresh pyjamas in the second drawer. After she was dressed he helped her out of bed and led her into the kitchen.

"Do you want to try to eat something?"

She looked up at him, her dark eyes looking so sad and wounded that all he wanted to do was to lift her onto his lap and hold her.

"Thank you for taking care of me. You really didn't have to." She touched the corner of her mouth with the tip of her tongue, looking uncertain.

He tried to put her at ease, giving her a slight smile. "That's what friends are for, right? You would have done the same for me."

She blinked a couple of times. She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

"I found some canned chicken soup. Do you want me to warm some up?"

"I guess I should have something."

He could feel her eyes following him as he warmed her soup up and made her a mug of black tea.

"While you eat that I'll go change your sheets. Where do you keep them?"

"Oh Hotch, I can do that." She made a move to stand up but Hotch quickly stopped her by catching her hand in his.

"Emily, it's fine. You don't want to sleep on damp sheets and I am more than happy to change them for you. Let me do this for you." He looked into her eyes, hoping that the expression on his face was gentle enough to convince her. He tightened his grasp on her hand.

"O..okay, if you're sure."

He nodded.

Still looking uncertain, she told him where the clean sheets were kept.

He watched her like a hawk as she climbed back into her bed. He had been pleased to see that she managed to have a few mouthfuls of the soup and a third of her cup of tea without any indication that she felt any further nausea. Her color was also slightly improved.

He pulled the covers over her and reached over to switch off the bedside lamp. He could just see her in the soft moonlight that was coming in from the open window drapes. She was staring at him, eyes wide open. He didn't know what came over him at that moment, because he then reached down and gently stroked her hair back from her cheek, his hand lingering on her head, fingers entwined in her hair. She reached up and curled her hand over his wrist, holding it there.

They stared at each other in the dark room, that moment suspended in time. And then came her soft request.

"Hotch, will you please stay with me and hold me?" He heard the slight tremor in her voice.

He knew that if he answered in the affirmative, their relationship would forever be altered. But he didn't even hesitate. "Yes."

He slipped under the covers next to her and drew her into his arms. He laid on his back, she on her right side, her body fitting into his. Her head rested on his shoulder and her left hand rested on his chest, just above his heart. He breathed in the faint smell of her perfume combined with the smell of freshly laundered sheets. And just like the hug they had shared, he felt like he was finally home.

For the first time in a very long time, even before Haley had left him, he fell asleep without once thinking of any of the many monsters he had profiled, or the countless victims to whom they had fallen prey to. Nor did they enter his dreams that night, held at bay by the woman in his arms.

**Please leave me a review if you have a moment : ) I really need the motivation to keep writing!**


	5. Embrace the Storm

**Here's where we venture into M territory. Those who have read my other fics know that I tend to be quite explicit, so please don't read further than the kiss if that isn't your cup of tea. I hope you like this chapter, it's one of my favourites.**

**Song copyright InsideOut Music, sung by Stream of Passion  
><strong>

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><p><em>A storm is raging around us, we feel its majesty.<br>The clouds are moving forward unravelling my hidden thoughts.  
>Embrace the storm.<em>

_The storm is building inside me, it screams to be released._  
><em>It will destroy my silent existence and now I know the day has come.<em>  
><em>Embrace the storm.<em>

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><p>Hotch's hands were locked around the steering wheel in a white knuckled grip as he strained to see through the sheets of rain pounding furiously on the windshield. The raindrops were falling so fast and so heavily that the wipers were almost useless against them. Even though he was driving at almost a crawl as it was, he slowed even further down. He was not going to risk their lives just for the sake of gaining a few minutes. He shot a quick glance at his companion who was sitting next to him staring out of the window, despite the almost complete darkness outside the twin beams of his headlights.<p>

"Emily, are you all right?" He kept his eyes on the road, hoping that he hadn't already missed the turn off to their motel. This was not a night he wanted to spend sleeping in their SUV, despite the presence of his not uninviting colleague.

They had not talked about the night they spent together, innocent as it was. Hotch had left the next morning after making sure that she was on the road to recovery. Although they did not try to pretend the night didn't happen, both were unsure as to what had in fact changed between them, so neither said anything to the other. The day that Emily got back to work was the day that they had been called to assist on the case that they were still involved in now.

The team had spent the last 11 days in Atlanta hunting down a serial paedophile and murderer and so far had made little progress. The acting Section Chief had given them another 24 hours, after which time they would have to move on. Every member of the team was exhausted and frustrated. Hotch knew that Emily in particular was finding it hard to cope. Cases involving child abuse were always hard, but they had had to follow a lead at a town 200 miles away which involved interviewing possible victims of this paedophile. At Hotch's last count, he and Emily had interviewed 19 children since their arrival at seven this morning, after driving since 3 a.m. They had only had a stale sandwich each since breakfast at a truck stop at six.

To say they were exhausted was like saying the sun was was a little hot. Hotch had been tired before, but this tiredness was all consuming. His body, his mind, his very soul was almost comatose with exhaustion. In all honesty, he shouldn't even be driving, despite their motel being only 4 miles from the town. But he knew bad as he had it, Emily was in worse shape. She had sunk her heart and soul into the interviews, desperate to find something, anything, that would lead them to the unsub. Her ability to connect with the children she interviewed was both a blessing and a curse. She could often find out much more than anyone else, but she suffered emotionally afterwards, not having erected any shields to protect herself as she would have in normal situations. And they had never interviewed this many children in one sitting before. What was worse, they didn't appear to have discovered anything useful.

"Emily?" he repeated, risking another glance at her before finally spotting the turnoff that was almost invisible through the rain.

"No, I'm not." He almost didn't hear her quiet reply over the raindrops pounding on the roof of the SUV.

He didn't respond for a couple of minutes until he drove into the car park of the motel. Unfortunately the car park was full and the closest spot he had pulled into was at least 40 yards from the entrance of the motel. Not far, but in this weather, they would be soaked in 15 seconds.

He cursed silently at his lack of forethought. "Emily, I'm going to circle back and drop you at the entrance. Sorry, I should have done that in the first place."

He moved his hand to shift the transmission to drive, but Emily's hand stopped him.

"It's find, Hotch, don't worry. I need a shower anyway so a bit more water isn't going to make much of a difference." Her voice was so tired and dispirited that all he wanted to do was reach across and pull her into his arms, fraternisation rules be damned.

"Emily..."

"Let's go." Before he could say anything more, she had hopped out of the SUV.

Hotch wasted no time in following her, locking the door as he ran towards the entrance. The raindrops were merciless, battering down on his unprotected head and face like freezing little slivers. They walked up to reception, clothes completely drenched and dripping along the laminated flooring.

Emily was visibly shivering by the time they were finally given their room cards. He looked on with concern when they reached their adjacent rooms, Emily huddling into herself as she swiped her card in the card reader slot.

"Damn you stupid thing! Don't do this to me." He saw her pushing her card repeatedly into the slot. He opened his door and dropped his bag inside, holding back for a moment, wondering if he should offer to help. He knew the extent of her pride and her independence.

"Damn it," she said, a sob escaping as she slumped against the door in defeat.

Hotch strode over, taking the card from her hand and swiped it slowly, at the same time slipping his other arm around her waist. She smelt of wet wool and the perfume that was now as familiar to him as the sight of her face. He pushed open the door and helped her in, then went back out for her ready bag.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, looking shamefaced.

He was incredulous. "What are you sorry about?" He walked up and stood close to her.

"This, today, everything." Her lower lip trembled and suddenly Hotch knew what he needed to do.

He cupped her face in his hands. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

She blinked, tears flowing out her eyes and down her cheeks which were already moist from the rain. "You need someone strong and look at me. I'm a mess."

He knew he had to make her understand. "You are the strongest woman I know, no, the strongest person I know. Emily, I almost broke down after interviewing the eight victim. Do you know what kept me going? Watching you as you spoke to Karen Dowling. She had the most horrific injuries and yet you still managed to speak to her so calmly and gently. The way you connect with children is absolutely incredible. Never apologise for feeling the way you do."

She stared at him, tears still running down her face. Hotch wiped them away gently with his thumbs. "I thought you would have told me to shut my feelings away to get the job done."

His chest hurt at the sheer pain in her dark eyes. "Someone once told me that she needed to feel to know she's alive. I think she's right."

They gazed at each other for a long time and Hotch felt such a strong need to kiss her that he was powerless to resist it. He didn't know if it was because he was so tired that his defences were down but his mind did not even shout a warning as he slipped his hands backwards, into her wet hair, tilting her face up towards him. Or maybe there were no warnings because this was right. This, their kiss, his lips meeting hers, felt like destiny. Like she was the missing piece of puzzle that he had been searching for all his life to make him finally complete.

Her lips were soft and wet under his, salty from her tears. His lips touched hers softly, unhurriedly, learning the shape and texture of her lips. Once he did, he gently demanded entry with his tongue, tracing the seam of her lips. She shivered when their tongues met in a dance within her mouth. Hotch reluctantly lifted his head when she shivered again against him.

"We need to get you warmed up." He slipped his hand around her cold one and led her into the bathroom. He switched on the hot water in the shower which also doubled as the bath, then turned back to Emily. He helped her off with her wool coat, which was heavy from being soaked, then off with her dark grey jacket. He paused for a moment when he reached for the first button of her white shirt, but she remained silent and unprotesting, her dark eyes staring unblinkingly at him.

By the time she was naked, the bathroom was steamy from the hot water that was now running in the bath. Hotch quickly adjusted the water temperature and lifted Emily into the bath. He made quick work disposing of his own clothes and joined her under the shockingly hot shower, aware that her eyes had not left him for a second since they had entered the bathroom.

Hotch pulled Emily into his arms, holding her slim body closely against his larger frame. He knew that she could feel his arousal pressing urgently against her stomach but unlike that night in his apartment, he didn't care. She would have already felt his body react to hers when he kissed her a little while ago. And he didn't want to hide anything anymore.

After today, he felt stripped to the bone, soul completely bared. In the face of the suffering that the children had endured, was still enduring, what was the point of all the many defences he had erected against life, against feeling. It all seemed so pointless. Life was meant to be lived to the fullest. The strength that he had witnessed in those children was unbelievable. They had been hurt so deeply that they should not even want to live. But they did want to live, they fought to live. Hotch had been ashamed of his cowardice. He didn't want to put up any more walls or make any more excuses. He needed Emily. Even if it was only for tonight.

She stood quiescent as he washed her hair and soaped her body, her only reaction a low moan when he slid his slick fingers over her clit. Hotch gritted his teeth when he felt how wet she was, her juices a different viscosity to the water that was streaming down their bodies. He gently worked his middle finger into her tight channel with some difficulty, the vertical position of her body a hindrance.

He finally managed to insert the whole length of his finger, then pulled out slightly before curling his finger slightly, searching for that super sensitive spot on the front wall of her heated core. He knew the moment he found the barely perceptible bump because her fingers suddenly dug hard into his shoulders. He pressed the heel of his hand firmly against her clit as his finger rubbed her g-spot continuously. Her arousal was turning him on exponentially and when she finally orgasmed, trembling against him, it was all he could do not to push her up against the wall and drive himself to his own climax deep inside her.

But he didn't want their first time to be in a motel bathtub so he removed his hand from her and held her steady as he switched the shower off. He dried her, then himself and dropped their wet towels in the bathtub. He stepped out and swung her into his arms, exiting the bathroom and walking to the bed. He laid her down on top of the covers and with a flick of the switch, plunged their room into darkness.

There was just enough light coming in from the windows to see her body lying on the bed, waiting for him. A flash of lightning illuminated her face and he saw the fevered wanting there that mirrored his. He climbed onto the bed and moved between her legs which she automatically parted for him. He bent down to kiss her deeply, groaning into her mouth when he felt her soft hand clasp his now massive erection. He was so aroused after all the attention he had paid her that his felt his cock throb dangerously as she circled the swollen head with her thumb.

"Not this time, sweetheart," he gritted out after lifting his mouth from her addictive lips, reaching down to remove her hand. Pinning both her hands down on the bed above her head, he moved into position and felt his manhood touch her wet entrance. Another flash of lightning lit up the room as he pushed into her, realising almost immediately that he had gone too hard and too fast when he heard her pained gasp. He stopped mid-thrust, heart pounding loudly in his chest and in his ears.

"Please Hotch, come into me." He heard her whisper just before the thunder struck. Before the roar of the thunder had faded away he was pounding his full length into her as if his very life depended on it. He pummelled his hips into hers, breathing hard through his nose, clenching his jaw to keep from coming too soon. She was hot and tight and wet, far more perfect in real life than in any dreams he had ever had. His left hand held down her hands while his right grabbed her right leg and pushed it back towards her body, folding it high into her chest.

Emily let out a keening moan as his action changed the angle of his entry into her. Lighting flashed and thunder roared as their bodies strained together towards completion. The turmoil of the storm raging outside elevated the tension in the room to breaking point.

"Hotch, please, oh please, I'm so close...don't stop." She suddenly arched her back as her inner muscles convulsed around him. Her scream was drowned out by an ear splitting crack of thunder directly overhead them. Hotch felt his body unravel with the force of his orgasm as he made one final thrust and shoved himself deep, shooting his seed into her soft depths.

His body was still trembling with aftershocks and the sheer intensity of his climax when he drew her backwards against his chest. They lay quietly together as the rumbling thunder became fainter and fainter. Outside, a light rain pattered gently down, calm and soothing after the excitement of nature's light and sound display just minutes ago.

Hotch felt Emily's hand cover his, entwining their fingers together.

"Are you all right?" His lips moved in her damp hair.

"I am, when you're holding me." Her voice was soft, wistful.

Warmth spread through him at her admission. He kissed the top of her head tenderly. "Go to sleep, I'll be right here next to you."

They were both asleep within seconds.

**Please do leave me a review. I love hearing what your thoughts are of each chapter.  
><strong>


	6. Can't Be Friends

**Here's the next chapter, everyone. I am actually surprising myself with how I am _just_ managing to maintain the build-up, well, despite what happened last chapter!**** Please don't give up on Hotch and Emily yet, and stay with the story :) It will be worth it, I promise!**

**Thank you so much, Michelle, for looking through this beforehand, you are such a beautiful friend.  
><strong>

**Can't Be Friends by Trey Songz, copyright Atlantic Records, Songbook  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>And I wish we never did it<br>And I wish we never loved it  
>And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now it ain't no way we can be friends<em>

_The way it felt no faking it_  
><em>Maybe we were moving just a little too fast<em>  
><em>But what we've done we can't take it back<em>

* * *

><p>"Emily."<p>

She blinked, surfacing from sleep at the sound of her name. Frowning, she squinted at the blurry figure sitting on the side of the bed.

"Hotch?" Her voice was hoarse, raspy. A familiar aroma greeted her. "Is that coffee for me?" He was gradually coming into focus and she felt a little burst of happiness when she saw the gentle look on his face.

He smiled. "Nope, it's mine. I'm just waving it under your nose to wake you up."

She struggled to sit up, trying to keep the sheet tucked under her arms. The bright sunlight streaming into the room and the fact that his dark gaze was fixed upon her made her intensely conscious of the fact that she was naked under the sheet. "Hotch," she said, as threateningly as she could, with the vulnerability she was feeling at the moment.

"Sorry. Here." He passed the cup to her.

Emily took a sip and grimaced. "Holy crap. That was horrible!"

"I know, I'm afraid that was the best I could do. But I thought you'd need some caffeine to wake up."

She nodded. "Unfortunately, you're right." She looked at the coffee cup, then took a deep breath and gulped down five sips in quick succession, shuddering with distaste. "That's all I can handle." She passed the cup back to him. The caffeine helped clear out the last of the remnants of sleep from her brain. "Is it late? How come you didn't wake me up earlier?" For the first time she noticed that Hotch was already showered and dressed. She raised her eyebrows when she saw that he was dressed in a casual v-necked cotton shirt and jeans. "Where's your suit? Don't we have more files to look through?"

"The answers to your questions are: it's not that late, I didn't wake you earlier because Morgan called and they caught a major break in the case and arrested the unsub late last night, my suit's in my suitcase and I believe the second answer means no, no need to look through more files."

Emily stared at him for at least a minute trying to process his answer. "You realise that I've just woken up, right? All you had to say was the unsub's been caught so we can go home." She looked down when she heard the sharpness in her voice. He had said nothing about what had happened between them last night and she was so afraid that he was now going to say it had all been a bad mistake.

"Emily, what's wrong?" When she didn't answer, he repeated his question. His fingers gently lifted her face to face him.

Her heart was thudding in her chest, but she knew they had to talk about it at some stage. So it might as well be now. "Hotch, last night, I..." she stopped, unsure what to say. It was the best night of my life? What did it mean to you? She wasn't even sure what it meant for her. He was still her superior. And though it may sound pathetic to some people, her work was the most important thing in her life. It was more than just a job to her, it was her passion and she loved it. Did she dare put it all at risk for this undefined thing that they currently had between them.

"Emily, I – " His cell rang, interrupting him. "Morgan? Yeah." He gave her an apologetic look before moving off the bed and walking to the window to continue his conversation.

Emily didn't bother listening in, she had more immediate thoughts she had to sort through. What was Hotch going to say to her? What if he wanted to pursue a relationship, was she ready for that? For the inevitable problems that follow as a result of them working together. This was all too much too soon. She was ready to make a decision that had the potential to have such far reaching consequences on her career or her life. She was going to have to be honest with him.

Hotch hung up and came back to her side. He sat down and looked at her, brow furrowed. "Emily, last night was incredible, and I don't regret a second of it." She was looking at him as he spoke and she saw that he was telling her the truth. "But it's not something we can repeat."

After what she had just told herself she was taken by surprise by the sharp spear of pain that pierced through her. "What are you saying, Hotch?" She asked the question even though she already knew what his answer was going to be. He was putting work ahead of any possibility of a relationship. He had had the similar thoughts to hers.

"Emily, I care about you very much. You are an amazing FBI agent and I feel privileged to be able to have you in my team. If we were to continue to see each other outside of work, one of two things will happen. One, we end up being in a serious, long term relationship, in which case we will have to inform the bureau and they will transfer one of us out of the team if we don't decide to voluntarily do so ourselves. Two, we date for a while, then break up which will affect not just our working relationship but the team dynamics and the inter-relationships we have with everyone else. Because whether they want to or not, they will end up taking sides. You understand what I'm saying, don't you Emily? I'm not saying this to hurt you. In fact, that's the last thing I would ever want to do."

She let out a breath, knowing what he was saying was true and yet hating it all the same. Why was it that the first man that she had ever felt such a connection to happened to be someone so beyond her reach? Life really sucked. But she had to admit that she was slightly relieved as well. Because she knew that he was right when he said that at least one of them would be transferred elsewhere if their relationship became known. And it was likely to be her, being the more junior agent. She wasn't sure what she would do if she had to give up this job. They were more alike than she sometimes wanted to acknowledge.

He was waiting patiently for her answer. "I know you don't mean to hurt me, Hotch. But it still sucks."

He gave her a faint smile. "I know. Last night really was the most indescribably wonderful night in my life. If it wasn't for the fact that we work together..." His voice trailed off. He cupped her cheek in his warm hand. "I know I shouldn't be asking this after everything I just said and I know it's selfish, but..." She wondered at his hesitation, a rare occurrence for someone with his confidence and sense of command. "Would you mind if I have one last kiss?"

She felt her heart melt. How could she deny him when it was what she wanted too. "No, of course not." He leaned forward and softly touched his lips to hers. The kiss deepened and she pressed closer to him. Her hands reached up to cradle his head as her tongue played shyly with his.

They gradually drew apart and Hotch covered her hands with his, drawing it down from his face and holding them tightly for a long moment as they stared at each other.

"I'll wait for you downstairs." His voice was low.

Emily nodded and forced herself to smile at him.

Hotch closed his eyes briefly, then leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

After he left her room, she remained in bed for a moment longer, gathering her composure. She knew they had done the right thing, the rational thing and yet, why did it feel so wrong?

She took a deep breath and forced herself to put her thoughts and feelings into a box, then shut it away to examine at a later date. Or maybe she would just keep it shut. If the box was shut then she would not have to feel any pain or regret, right? Come on, Emily, shut it away now and pull yourself together.

And she did. She showered, dressed and applied her makeup. The only time her efficient, purposed fuelled motions paused briefly was when she picked up the damp clothes from last night that were lying on the floor in front of the door to her room that Hotch had stripped off her. But she recovered quickly and within half an hour she was striding into the foyer of the motel to join him.

To her great relief, one of the deputy sheriffs from the town had asked if he could catch a ride with them back to Atlanta and Hotch had agreed. Emily offered to sit in the back, grateful that she would not have to make small talk with Hotch for the five hour trip. Even with her compartmentalisation skills, what happened last night was still too fresh in her mind. If she had dared to analyse their actions, she would have known that last night had not merely been physical. The physical act of coming together would have been nowhere near as intense as it had been if there had been no emotions involved.

No, she had to stop thinking of last night. She had to, if she wanted their professional relationship to remain as it was. She would just have to treat last night as a one night stand and Hotch some stranger she had randomly met. A flash in the pan, ships passing through in the night. A wry smile crossed her face as the cliched sayings popped into her head. _If you can smile about it, you can handle it, _she told herself.

And it was hard, especially for the first week, but somehow, she managed to do it. She came to work, wrote her reports, provided consultations over the phone, joked with her team mates, took orders, doing everything as she normally would have. Mask in place, the ever efficient, completely professional, SSA Emily Prentiss. And if her eyes lingered just a second or two longer on the way his hair lay on the nape of his neck, or the gentleness in his eyes as he spoke to Jack, she convinced herself that it was just a moment of weakness; a yearning for something that was in the past.

* * *

><p>"Hey Hotch, you wanna join us for a drink?" Derek poked his head into Hotch's office.<p>

Hotch looked up, brow furrowed. "No, thanks. I've got too much to do tonight. You guys go ahead."

"All right. See you tomorrow."

Hotch nodded, eyes already turned back to the document in front of him.

Derek shrugged and walked further down to Dave's office. "You ready, Rossi?"

"Yep. Just a second." Dave locked his cabinet and took a last look around before switching off the lamp on his desk.

"God, I so need a drink, it's not funny," Derek sighed, leaning back against the elevator as they travelled down to the basement.

"Yeah, it's been a tough week."

"Hey, Rossi, have you noticed that there's something going on with Emily? She seems, I don't know, off somehow this week."

Dave nodded. "Something's definitely bothering her. She's trying just a little bit too hard to look like everything's ok."

"I asked her what was wrong and she said it was because of all the interviews with the kids. I guess that could explain it, but my gut tells me it's something else."

"I know, but hey, if she doesn't want to talk about it, we have to leave her be. At least for now."

They exited the elevator and walked over to Dave's car. Dave had agreed to be the designated driver that night. Although he said he was entitled to have one drink. The other team members were already at the bar, having left 20 minutes ago so that they could catch a lift with Anderson.

"So do you know what's going on with Hotch?"

"What's this? Profiling team members' night?" Dave asked in amusement as he pulled out onto the street. "I'm not next am I? Because there's no way I'm discussing my state of mind with you."

"Thanks, but I don't really want to know what's in that head of yours, Rossi. I've read your books so I know it's not exactly a happy place." Derek flashed him a grin, his teeth gleaming in the dark car. But the grin soon faded as he continued. "Seriously, Hotch seems to be under just as much pressure as he was under when he was standing for Strauss. Why is acting chief Johnson not pulling his weight?"

Dave was silent.

"Come on, Rossi, we're all worried about him. What's going on?"

"Acting Chief Johnson is what you would call a bureaucrat. He basically has no idea what we actually do in the field, hell he doesn't even have a background in the BAU. He got this acting position because of some impressive act of ass-kissing the likes of which I've never heard before, and I've been around a long time. He actually came across from the NSA two years ago and rumour has it that he was just some paperwork shuffler there. This is a complete fuck-up."

"You're kidding me." Derek thought for a moment. "So Hotch is doing all the work that Johnson's supposed to be doing."

"And more." Dave looked disgusted. "Johnson also created this project which he ordered Hotch to set up. It's basically to track where the teams in the BAU are in terms of case resolutions and what their _achievements_ are at any one time." Dave made it sound as if the word achievements was a dirty word.

"Shit. That's just going to encourage competition and in-fighting in the BAU. That's not good, man." Derek frowned as he thought about how this was going to change the overall camaraderie between the teams and the information sharing they did on a weekly basis.

"Damn right. As if things weren't hard before for Hotch. Hell, he's barely even seen Jack since we got back from Atlanta three weeks ago."

"Surely there's something we can do."

"I've told him that we'll split the report writing and compiling between us so he can concentrate on the work he needs to do for the Acting Chief."

"Is Strauss ever coming back?"

"No one's really sure. Her leave ends in a couple of months, but who knows whether she'll be back or extend her leave even more. There's something I can tell you for sure, though." Dave's expression was grim as he swung into the car park in front of the bar.

"What's that?" Derek looked questioningly at him.

"If she doesn't come back by then, one of two things will happen to Hotch. He'll either break down from sheer exhaustion or he'll quit. Then we'll all be in deep shit."

**Please review if you have a moment to spare. Next chapter - more friendship, angst and comfort.**


	7. Talk to Me

**Thank you all so much for your reviews, I hope you are enjoying reading this fic, despite the fact it's not exactly a 'feel-good' story.**

**Michelle, you are the warmth of the sun on a dreary winter's day. Thank you so much for looking at this chapter and letting me know what you thought.**

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><p><em>Dusty words lying under carpets<br>Seldom heard, well must you keep your secrets  
>Locked inside hidden safe from view<br>Was it all that hard  
>Is it all that tough<br>Well, I've shown you all my cards now isn't that enough  
>You can hide your hurt<br>But, there's something you can do_

_You can talk to me_  
><em>Talk to me, talk to me<em>  
><em>When you're down<em>  
><em>Talk to me<em>

_- Talk To Me by Stevie Nicks, copyright Modern Records_

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><p>"Daddy. Daddy, wake up. Da...d."<p>

Hotch groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes as a sudden burst of sunlight landed on his face. "Jack! Jack, please close the drapes."

"No, Daddy, it's time to wake up. If I close the drapes you'll be asleep again."

Hotch felt his bed dip as Jack climbed up next to him. "Can you just go watch some cartoons for a bit. Daddy's really tired, buddy." And he's got a splitting headache, he thought, fighting the sudden surge of nausea. Either he was coming down with something or the lack of sleep from the past week was catching up to him. He was so tired he could barely move.

"I've already watched cartoons, Dad, for ages. I'm really hungry, can you get me some cereal please?"

Hotch suppressed another groan. It was days like these that he wished he wasn't a single parent. He had never appreciated how much easier parenting was when Haley was around. With just one child, they would often be able to give each other a break from child minding, although to be honest, Haley did the lion's share of caring for Jack. So when he was home, he would make sure that he took Jack out of the house as much as possible to give her a rest. Of course that wasn't the only reason, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Jack before that next phone call came, which it always did. And now work was so much worse. He barely even remembered the last time he had a meal with his son. Talk about being an absentee parent.

He forced himself to open his eyes and sat up gingerly, feeling his head throb heavily in protest, making him wince.

"Are you okay Dad?" He looked down with narrowed eyes to Jack, who looked at him with concern.

He pasted a smile on his face, knowing it probably looked more like a grimace. "I'm fine, just got a bit of a headache. Let's get you some breakfast."

By the time Jack was settled at the dining table wolfing down his breakfast, Hotch knew that there was no way he could look after Jack that morning. His headache had turned into a migraine, accompanied by nausea and flashing lights. He had taken some painkillers but he needed some help. And Jess was away that weekend. The only person that came to mind at that moment was Emily. As he picked up his cell, he prayed that she was free and more than that, that she would say yes.

The last few weeks had been hard, much harder than he thought it would be. Even with all the work he had, he still found himself making unnecessary trips down to the break room to get coffee he didn't want just so he could see her. He would catch himself looking surreptitiously at her when he thought no one else was looking. The soft curve of her cheek, the slightest sway in her hips as she walked, the way she laughed when she teased Reid. It had taken him every ounce of his self control not to lean over to smell her hair when he was standing next to her in the elevator. After that, he made sure he never got too close to her. Because everything that had happened that night was permanently etched in the recesses of his memory. The way she had looked at him, needy desperation in her eyes, her open mouth as he thrust into her, the way she moaned his name, the feeling of her soft skin under his mouth. No matter how hard he tried to shut those memories away, they always resurfaced as he lay in bed, and there was nothing he could do about them.

As he waited for her to pick up, he hoped that she had managed to put those memories aside, even if he hadn't.

"Hotch? What's up?" Emily's voice was neutral, he could not discern any note of welcome in her voice. On the bright side, she didn't sound annoyed either. At least, not that you can tell, muttered a little voice in his head.

Ignoring it, he asked, "Emily, I hate to ask, but are you free at all this morning? I really need a favour."

"I was going to run some errands, but sure. What's the favour?" She asked this cautiously.

"I've got a migraine and I was wondering if you can come over to watch Jack just for a couple of hours. I'd really appreciate it if you could." He had to force the words out. He hated asking for favours, especially of Emily, and especially after what had happened between them.

"Oh. Sure, of course I can. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Thanks."

"See you soon." She hung up before he could say anything more. He felt too sick to bother changing, his sweatpants and t-shirt were decent enough. But he managed to wash his face and brush his teeth before she arrived. He was thankful that she lived only five minutes away. The painkillers hadn't taken effect yet and at times the throbbing in his temples was so extreme that he actually had to stop moving to let it recede.

He heard a knock on the door and went to open it, walking slower than usual so that his head wouldn't pound in protest.

"Hey." She looked at him, a too bright smile pasted on her face. But this quickly changed to concern when she saw him. "Hotch, are you all right?"

He swallowed at the softness in her dark eyes. "Not really, but I'll be fine. Thanks for coming over. I really appreciate it." He stood back and let her in.

"Of course, anytime. Where's Jack?"

"He's in front of the tv. I had to put him there, I couldn't ..." He winced as his head throbbed.

"Come on, let's get you back to bed." She took his arm and led him to his room. Once they got there, he climbed into bed as she pulled the drapes shut, darkening the room immediately. He shut his eyes in relief.

"Do you need me to get you anything? Water?" she asked in a soft voice, sounding close.

"No, I'm okay, thanks. Jack's still in his PJ's, I haven't..."

"Shh...don't worry about him. You just get some sleep." There was a pause then he felt her cool fingers on his temple. His eyes opened and he looked at her face. She gazed down gently at him. "Close your eyes and sleep. We'll be fine."

And as her fingers massaged his temples and head, he obeyed, the tactile sensations immediately distracting his mind from the pain. The relief from the pain, combined with his exhaustion, soon led him into slumber.

* * *

><p>He surfaced from sleep incrementally, awareness slowly coming to him. He finally opened his eyes. The room was completely dark so it must be night. How was that possible though? Surely he hadn't slept the whole day? Crap, Jack. Emily's had him the whole day. He sat up slowly, relieved that there was only the faintest pain in his temples. He got up and opened the door, blinking at the light that met his eyes. He thought he heard a murmur of voices coming from the lounge room, but before he went to find Emily and Jack he needed to visit the bathroom first. He took the opportunity to brush his teeth and splash some water on his face, after which he felt marginally more alert. He felt like he had a hangover, the after-effects of having a migraine.<p>

He walked into the lounge and saw Jack and Emily sitting on a couch. Emily was reading to him, her voice low.

"Hey."

"Dad!" Jack looked up at him.

Emily looked up too, a small smile on her face. "You're looking better."

"I am, thanks. I'm so sorry, I don't know how I slept for so many hours..." His voice trailed off when she shook her head.

"It's fine, no problems at all. Jack and I had heaps of fun today, didn't we?"

"Yeah, Dad, we did! Emily took me to the zoo and we spent ages there, then we had lunch and Emily bought me animal pasta for lunch, that was so cool! Then we came home and played lego and then we made pancakes for dinner. Emily said that it's okay to have breakfast food for dinner sometimes, so we did! Emily's the best babysitter I've ever had!"

Hotch couldn't help smiling at Jack's enthusiasm. "Wow, buddy, it sounds like you had an awesome day. Did you say thank you to Emily for looking after you today?"

Jack turned to Emily. "Thank you, Emily, I had so much fun today."

"I'm really glad, sweetie," she replied, ruffling his hair.

Hotch glanced at the clock on the wall. "Jack, it's past your bedtime. How bout you give Emily a hug and say goodnight."

"Aw, must I?" He gave Hotch pleading look.

"Sorry, buddy, yes. Remember, you need to sleep so that your body can grow."

"Hey Jack, I promise we'll see each other soon all right?"

"You promise?"

"Pinky promise." Emily held out her little finger and Jack curled his around it.

"Goodnight Emily." Jack gave her a tight hug, which she returned, then hopped off and went down the hall towards the bathroom, Hotch following behind him.

After Hotch tucked Jack in, he came back into the lounge but was surprised to find that Emily was no longer there. He heard a clang and walked round the corner into the kitchen. She was standing next to the stove, stirring something in a saucepan.

"I thought you guys already had dinner."

She looked over at the sound of his voice. "Oh, yes, we did, this is for you."

He walked up next to her and looked into the saucepan. "You made some soup for me?"

"It's nothing fancy, I kind of raided your fridge so it's probably not that good. I just thought you might be hungry after you woke up." She ladled the soup into a bowl.

"Thanks. You really didn't need to." They walked to the dining table and Emily put the bowl down in front of one of the chairs.

Hotch looked at her. "I'm really sorry that you had to take care of Jack all day. I never meant to sleep that long. I hope you he wasn't too much trouble for you. I feel really bad for doing that to you, Emily."

"It really was no problem at all, Hotch. He was really good and we had fun." She looked into his eyes. "I'm glad I was able to help and I'm really glad you got some rest. You looked terrible when I saw you this morning."

He sat down. "Gee thanks." He gave Emily a crooked smile.

She rolled her eyes at him. "You know what I mean. How's the soup?"

Hotch tasted the soup. "It's good. Really good."

She grinned at him. "You sound surprised. Did you think I was too much of a career woman to know how to cook?"

"That never crossed my mind at all. In fact, I'd be surprised if there was something you haven't mastered. No, I'm surprised because I didn't think there would be anything to make a decent soup with in the fridge."

"I did have to add some canned soup as you didn't have any chicken stock to use for the soup base. But you did have some vegetables in the fridge which were still usable. I'm glad it's okay. Would you like a drink?"

"I can get it." He felt bad that not only had she looked after Jack all day, she was practically waiting hand and foot on him as well.

"Don't be silly. I'm getting myself a cup of tea anyway. What would you like?"

"Tea sounds good." Hotch quickly finished the rest of the soup in his bowl, surprised at how hungry he actually was. Which shouldn't have been a surprise. The last substantial meal he had was last night's dinner. "Were there any pancakes left?"

"Coming right up. Just give me a minute."

Hotch watched, entranced at the fluidity of her movements as she warmed the pancakes and drizzled some maple syrup on the top. He knew he shouldn't be staring at her, especially after telling her that a relationship between them would be a bad idea, but he couldn't seem to help himself. Besides the couple of cases they had consulted on, he had had very little contact with her, or indeed, the rest of the team. The work he was doing for the Acting Chief was slowly killing him. He knew he won't be able to take it for much longer.

The one time he had tried to explain to Johnson about his workload, Johnson had replied by saying that he could transfer Hotch to another position if he was unable to handle the workload. After that Hotch had not bothered to make another complaint. He was just praying that Strauss would come back at the end of the leave, or he would have to seriously consider moving.

Emily slid the plate of pancakes in front of him and he took a bite, closing his eyes briefly as he tasted the maple syrup soaked pancake. "Emily, these pancakes are incredible. How did you make them?"

"They're good huh?" She grinned at him as she took a seat next to him. "They're really easy, I'll write down the recipe for you. Jack loved them too. I hope you don't mind that we had pancakes for dinner."

"Well, seeing that I'm enjoying them myself, it would be pretty hypocritical of me. You've been so good with him, I really can't thank you enough. Maybe you'll let me take you out to dinner as a thank you?" The moment the words came out of his mouth, he cursed himself for them. Not smart, Hotchner, not smart.

"I don't think that would be a good idea, do you Hotch?" She gave him a meaningful look.

This was the closest they had come to talking about then night they spent together since that morning in the motel.

"You're right, I don't know what I was thinking."

They were quiet for a while. Hotch ate the rest of his pancakes while Emily drank her tea. It should have been an uncomfortable silence, but it wasn't. For which he was glad.

"I should go." She stood up and walked to the sink and rinsed her cup.

Hotch, too, took his plate and bowl to the sink. He looked at her, knowing that the smart thing would be let her go. But apparently his mouth had other ideas. "I was thinking of watching a movie, would you like to join me?"

She bit her lip, looking uncertain. "I don't know Hotch, I really shouldn't."

"Hey, you said that we were friends a month ago. Has that changed?" He held his breath when she didn't answer immediately.

"We're still friends, but...something has changed between us, you can't deny that surely."

"No, I can't deny that." He decided to be completely truthful. "But I'd really like us to be friends, if that's possible. I've...missed you." And that was the truth.

She swallowed. "I've missed you too." Her voice was not much more than a whisper.

In that moment, Hotch wanted more than he had ever wanted anything in his life to pull her into his arms and kiss her with all the pent up passion within him. But he couldn't. He couldn't do that to himself, or the team. And he couldn't do that to Emily. She was so precious to him and he had already hurt her once. He wasn't going to do it again. So he took a deep breath and smiled at her.

"Why don't you go choose a movie and I'll make us some popcorn."

She looked like she too, was gathering her composure. "Are you sure you want me to choose the movie?" She flashed him a smile.

"I'm pretty sure that's the least I can do after everything you've done today."

"Okay." She walked into the lounge room, Hotch staring at her retreating back.

_Pull yourself together, jackass. You look like a lovesick teen_, he reprimanded himself as he pulled out a packet of microwave popcorn from the cupboard.

Five minutes later he joined her on the couch. He put the large bowl of popcorn between them in an effort to preserve some modicum of propriety. In actual fact he did it so that he won't give into any temptation to reach over and touch her. Because she was right, this was probably not a good idea at all.

"So, what did you choose?"

"I'm trying to decide between The Adjustment Bureau or The Lincoln Lawyer."

"I don't know what they're about, but The Lincoln Lawyer sounds good."

Emily shook her head, reaching for some popcorn. "Why does that not surprise me? Just because it's about a lawyer doesn't mean it's a better movie. Hmm, I think I'm going to go for Limitless."

He looked at her, amused. "Did you choose that just because I suggested the other one?"

"No, I chose it because I feel like watching a movie with some action in it. If that's ok with you." She raised an eyebrow at him.

Hotch held his hands up in a placating gesture. "I did say it was your choice, and it is."

"All right, but no complaining if it turns out to be crappy."

He suppressed a smile as he leaned back. "Sure."

An hour and a half later, Emily uttered a sigh as the credits rolled on the screen. "I thought that was pretty good."

"It was mildly entertaining," he admitted.

"You're a tough critic." She placed her glass on the coffee table, turning to look at him.

"I like to think I'm tough but fair. Do you disagree?" He was curious to know what she thought about him.

"You're a really great Unit Chief, Hotch. I've never worked for anyone I respect more than you. I won't want to work under anyone else."

"But?" He could sense that there was something she wanted to say.

"You need to let go of yourself a bit, Hotch. I understand that you've hidden your emotions for so long that it's now who you are. I'm not saying that you should change who you are, but it's okay to allow yourself to feel sometimes. You're human and that's part of who we are. I really don't want you to take this the wrong way. I'm just worried about you. You're wound up so tightly that I just think that one day you're going to snap."

Hotch was silent, feeling each word she had uttered drop into the still pool that was his mind, causing more and more ripples until he had no choice but to see the truth in what she said. He gazed into her dark eyes, which looked at him with such deep concern that he felt his reply was being slowly dragged out of him against his will. "Emily, I don't think I even...know how to feel anymore. When Haley left, I was really hurt. I knew why she'd left, of course, but I couldn't understand how she could just take Jack and go, after all that we've been through and the commitment we had made to each other. Then I was angry. I was so angry with her for not trying harder or giving me another chance. And I was angry at myself for not doing the right thing and giving up the BAU for my family. What kind of husband and father was I? I had to hide it all, all the hurt and the anger because it would interfere with my work. At least that's what I told myself. And then after all that came Foyet."

He drew a shuddering breath, torn between wanting to stop the conversation, and yet needing to tell her everything.

She slipped her hands into his, holding them tightly. "It's all right, it's just me. You can talk to me." Her voice was gentle, her eyes held his, compelling him to continue.

"In my apartment, when he was toying with me like he was...some cat and I was a new plaything he'd discovered, I had to hide what I was feeling because knowing my fear would have excited him beyond belief. You should have seen the pleasure in his eyes at the knowledge that I had no control at all. That he was the one with all the power and I was at his mercy. I thought I had experienced fear when my dad came home in one of his drunken rages and I knew what was going to happen next. But that was nothing compared with what I felt that day, being at Foyet's mercy. I was terrified, Emily, terrified at what he was going to do to me, terrified that I would never see Jack again, terrified that if I lived, I'd never recover from it. I couldn't admit that to you when you asked me in the hospital whether I'd like to talk about it. I didn't want to acknowledge that I was a victim, no different from any of the others."

"Hotch, oh Hotch!" Emily cupped her hands on his face. "You are the bravest, strongest man I have ever known. You may have been scared, and terrified, but you picked yourself up and came back to work after everything you went through. And then when you lost Haley, you still had the courage to come back and continue to do the work which I know you think was what led her death. Yes, you were a victim, but you overcame it. You don't accept anything lying down, Hotch, whatever the consequences, which is what helped you to survive what happened to you." She smiled tremulously. "And I'm really, really glad you survived."

Hotch felt the tight ball of pain which had resided in his chest since he first start talking start to ease. He had never spoken to anyone about how he felt when his marriage broke down or what he had felt while he was being tortured by Foyet. What he had told Emily had barely scratched the surface, but already he was feeling lighter, as if she had lightened the burden of trying to shut all of these emotions away.

"I never thanked you for being at my side all that time, did I?"

She slowly drew back, dropping her hands from his face. He tried to ignore the surge of disappointment he felt at the loss of her touch. She smiled. "No, but you're welcome."

"Thank you for taking care of me. And I'm sorry that I wasn't able to talk to you about it then."

She tilted her head slightly to one side as she looked at him. "I'm glad you talked to me about it tonight. I know it was hard."

"Yeah." He sighed, feeling suddenly exhausted.

They sat there in silence for a while, both lost in their own thoughts.

"I better go."

Hotch had to bite back the words urging her to stay. He felt naked and exposed after his revelations to her. He needed time to recover.

They both stood up and she put her coat on and picked up her bag. Hotch opened the door and she stepped out. Turning back, she looked up at him.

"Are you going to be all right?"

Hotch knew she was not referring to his physical condition. He tried to smile. "I'll be fine. Thanks for everything."

She nodded, then smiled. "What are friends for right? See you later."

"Bye." He stood there watching until she was out of sight.

**I know this was quite heavy going, but I wanted Hotch to open up to Emily and start letting her in. This will continue in the next chapter although there is a catalyst in the form of a case fic. Please review and tell me what you thought.**


	8. Iridiscent

_You were standing in the wake of devastation  
>You were waiting on the edge of the unknown<br>With the cataclysm raining down  
>Insides crying "Save me now"<br>You were there, impossibly alone_

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?  
>You build up hope, but failure's all you've known<br>Remember all the sadness and frustration  
>And let it go. Let it go<p>

Iridescent by Linkin Park, copyright Warner Bros. Records Inc.

* * *

><p>As Emily slowed down to allow an overtaking silver sedan to pull back in her lane, she turned her head to glance over at Hotch. Worried did not even begin to describe how she felt about him at the moment. He had not spoken a single word since they had arrived at the scene of the explosion. She remembered him rushing out of the SUV towards the towering wall of flames as if he thought he could still do something to help the residents of the hospice. It had taken the combined strength of Morgan and a police officer to hold him back, including Emily bracing her hands against his chest. Her hands tightened around the wheel at the memory of the sheer terror she had felt at that moment, not knowing if he was going to somehow manage to tear himself free and fling himself into the burning building.<p>

That in doing so, he would be making amends for what he thought had been his fault. She knew that he blamed himself for the deaths of the 27 residents and staff there. Even though no one could have foreseen that the unsub would choose to kill everyone in the hospice, as opposed to just his father. Emily had not known what it was about this case that touched such a raw nerve in Hotch. It was onl later when she looked back that she realised that the signs had all been there. She should have suspected what was wrong right from the very beginning...

* * *

><p><em>36 hours ago<em>

"What have we got JJ?" Emily put her mug of coffee down as she slipped into her chair in the conference room.

Reid came in at that moment, flashing JJ an apologetic smile and getting into the seat beside Emily.

"Well, the Baltimore police contacted me an hour ago. It looks like they may have a serial killer on their hands." JJ clicked on the laptop, bringing up the pictures of four men. When the pictures of the men appeared on the screen, a sudden silence fell over the room, like a veil dropping. Not that it wasn't silent before, but everyone had actually become motionless; there were no pens scratching on paper, no chairs creaking, no papers rustling. Just deadly silence.

"CRACK!" The team jumped in their seats at the sound of a heavy ballpoint pen hitting the glass table, and a split second later everyone's eyes focused on the person who had caused the sudden sound.

Hotch's face was pale as he stared at the images of the men on the screen. His lips, which were always pressed tightly together, were actually parted. He looked like he was in shock. Emily could feel her heart beat even faster than it already was from the scare of the pen dropping. But she said nothing.

It was Garcia that finally uttered what was in everyone's mind. "It...it's Hotch." She paused and they all looked back on the screen. "I, I mean, it's Hotch in like 15 years time."

And it was. Sure, there were some variation in skin tone and weight. But the brown eyes, the dark hair, the shape of the face, nose and lips were almost identical to Hotch. Eerily so. Emily noticed that one of the men in the photos even had the lowered brow that they regularly saw on his face.

"Um...I'm really sorry, Hotch, I tried to tell you earlier." JJ looked at Hotch, concern on her face.

Hotch didn't answer, his eyes still locked on the images before him. Emily thought he hadn't even heard JJ, but he finally blinked and closed his mouth. "It's fine, I was the one who told you to wait for the others. Continue."

She didn't take her eyes off him the entire time JJ was reeling out the personal details of the victims and the circumstances of their deaths. She had known Hotch long enough to know that something was bothering him. And after he had opened up to her two weeks ago, she felt like she had grown even closer to him. The awkwardness and tension that neither one of them had wanted to acknowledge as a result of their night together seemed to have somehow faded away. They had even managed to have lunch together a couple of times, once on the weekend with Jack and another time at the cafeteria in their building.

Emily had to admit that she had been more than a little surprised that Hotch had been willing to be seen alone with her, despite the fact that there was nothing more than friendship between them. The gossip vine around Quantico was ridiculously fertile, probably due to the fact that the subject area of their daily work was so dark and stressful that people felt that this was a way to lighten their day. It was however, not rare for mountains to be made out of molehills. Or rather, wild, torrid affairs made out of a simple lunch.

It was yet another reason to be thankful that they had decided not to pursue a relationship. The population of D.C. was not that huge, and the population of the staff at Quantico even smaller. Trying to hide a relationship when they both lived in such close proximity to work would have been nigh impossible. Keeping this in mind, the fact that they were known by most of their colleagues in the large field office in D.C. and that there seemed to be only four degrees of separation between any two given people in that city, the odds that they could hide their relationship would have been supremely low. And it wasn't exactly feasible to stay indoors all the time, especially with Jack around.

Hotch's voice broke through her reverie. "Prentiss, you're with me; Reid, you go with Morgan. Dave, you drop JJ off at the Baltimore precinct then head over to talk to the coroner about her findings. JJ make a start with the timeline and locations of the victims. Prentiss and I will head to the first two victims' locations and Morgan and Reid, you take the last two. Garcia, cross check the victims' backgrounds to see whether their paths crossed each other's and whether they had anything else in common aside from their physical appearance. The time between the murders is getting shorter and shorter. The first two were three months apart, and the last two were only one week apart. We have to work fast. Let's go."

Emily looked at Hotch out of the corner of her eye as they sped towards Baltimore. Hotch looked even more grim than usual, his lips compressed into a thin line. She frowned when she saw that the dark shadows under his eyes were back. He appeared to have visibly aged between the time she saw him yesterday evening and now. The lines on his forehead and bracketing his mouth were deeply drawn and tension was obvious in the set of his shoulders.

"Hotch, is everything okay?" she ventured softly. His demeanour did not invite questions, far from it, but she was concerned about him.

"Fine," he bit out, tone short. His eyes never left the road.

_O-kay, then_. Silence was definitely the less hurtful option. She turned to look out the window, barely noticing the cars they were passing. Another mile passed, then another. The tension in the car was starting to become stifling. She resisted the urge to switch the radio on.

"I'm sorry." His voice was so quiet that at first she thought she had imagined it. She swivelled her head towards him.

"Hotch?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated, eyes still focused straight ahead. "I shouldn't have answered you in that way."

"Apology accepted." She paused, wondering how she should proceed "The victims' appearance, is that what's bothering you?"

He was silent. "Yes, but not in the way you're thinking. They reminded me of someone." He didn't offer any further explanation, apparently not in the mood to open up to her. Funnily enough she didn't mind. He had shared so much of his feelings with her that night in his apartment that she knew that he had felt extremely exposed afterwards. Which was why she decided to leave soon after. When the only thing she wanted to do was put her arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be all right, that he was no longer alone because she was there.

"Okay," she responded, tone easy. He knew by now that she was there if he ever wanted to talk to her, about anything. She looked down that file that was open on her lap. "The first victim was found in his apartment, and the second one in a deserted alley near one of the main streets in town. The third one was in a men's room in a bar and the last victim was found just 10 yards around the corner from a busy restaurant on the main street."

"He's gaining confidence." Hotch checked the exit sign on the highway and pulled into next exit lane.

"Incredibly so. According to the coroner's reports, the same amount of damage were done to the bodies. The unsub spent a fair amount of time beating them with his fists and kicking them, even after they had lost consciousness. It looks like three of the victims died from internal bleeding and the last one from an intra cranial haemorrhage from the blows to his head. The unsub was angry, frenzied almost in his attacks."

Emily read the report on the third victim again. "Unbelievable," she breathed out.

"What is it?" Hotch checked the GPS navigator and took a left circling around the outskirts of the city.

"The third victim didn't die on the scene, his heart stopped while he was being treated in the ER. The doctor said that if he had gotten to the hospital just ten minutes earlier he might have survived. He wasn't in a locked cubicle, the door to the stall was open and people just ignored him." She looked at him. "I've been to that bar before, and it's crazy busy. There's no way in hell someone won't have been noticed an injured guy lying in a stall." She didn't know whether to feel more angry or sad at the existing state of apathy and selfishness in people. She emitted a heavy sigh.

"Are you okay?" Hotch looked over at her before checking the navigator again and taking the next right turn.

"Yeah. I just can't understand people, sometimes. I mean, all they had to do was call 911, how can that be so hard?"

"Sometimes they're too scared to get involved and most people think that the next person can deal with it, it's not their responsibility." He frowned, slowing down as he looked at the navigator, the street sign outside, then back to the navigator again.

Despite the current topic of their conversation, Emily felt her mouth twitch at the frustration she could see building on his face. "You know, you can actually switch the sound on the navigator."

"I don't appreciate listening to a voice telling me where to go when I can read a map just fine."

"Mmm," was all Emily said, her tone non-commital. She looked over at the map, then outside at their surroundings. "I think the streets have changed a bit since this street directory was uploaded. See, that's the orthodox church there which is here on the map. Try the next street down."

The next street was the one that they were looking for. "Thanks," muttered Hotch as he pulled onto the side of the street in front of a well-kept apartment building.

"You're welcome."

* * *

><p>Five hours later, the team regrouped at the police precinct where JJ introduced them to Detective George Newhouse, who was the lead detective on the case. Rossi informed the rest of team and the detective that he had asked Garcia to also go through Baltimore DMV records to see if any potential victims could be picked up by their physical characteristics and their age. The three victims were all aged in their mid to late fifties.<p>

"I know it's not the best way of identifying potential targets but at least it's a start."

"If you do identify some of these potential victims, are you going to contact them?" asked Detective Newhouse.

"Not at this stage." It was Hotch who replied. "We think the best way is to build a profile as soon as possible and then hold a press conference. We can then warn the public that way. But it may be useful to have the list nonetheless, depending on how the investigation proceeds. Emily, I think we're going to need to stay here tonight. Can you call Rhonda to ask her to book some rooms for us?"

"Sure." She stepped outside to make the call and when she came back in, she saw that they had all taken seats around the rectangular table in the conference room. The only vacant chair left was at the end of the table next to Hotch so she took it.

Morgan was talking, so apparently they were all giving a run down of what they had found out. "So Reid and I visited both the mens' room in the bar and the alley next to the restaurant. There was nothing particularly noteworthy in either locations. We were surprised that no one called 911 until at least half an hour after the unsub finished with him. The bar has CCTV footage near the hallway leading to the restrooms. And from what the manager told us, it's almost always fully packed every night. So the fact that no one saw or heard anything is kinda unbelievable."

"The viciousness of the attack would have taken a lot of strength so it's strongly probable that it's a male unsub we're looking at. And it's very likely someone in their mid to late twenties. Apparently that's the average age of the bar patrons. We didn't have any luck with the restaurant staff we interviewed either," continued Reid. "No one saw or heard anything, although we found out that the victim had dined there that night, and had just left. He was dining alone that night and it looks like he was taken by surprise. There were no defensive marks on him."

"Speaking of marks, I found out something interesting from the coroner. Have a look at this." Rossi drew out two photos from the file in front of him. "On victims two and three, there were these square u shaped marks on their backs. Interesting, huh?"

Emily didn't know if it was her current proximity to Hotch or the fact that her body had become attuned to his after that night, that she felt him become completely motionless. He had even stopped breathing. And it was from the moment he saw the marks on the photos.

"What did the coroner think caused the marks?" JJ asked curiously.

"A belt buckle. It looks like the unsub took off his belt after assaulting the victims with his fists and used it on them." Rossi looked at the rest of the team after this revelation.

Emily saw Hotch swallow convulsively. She knew that no one else saw the way his hands were clenched into fists on his lap. _What was wrong? Was it guilt from a case that he hadn't been able to solve?_

"It's odd that he only used it on their backs though. Whereas he punched and kicked them everywhere else."

"The unsub was abused." Hotch's voice was hollow, scratchy.

"What's that, Hotch?" Morgan frowned.

Hotch cleared his throat and Emily watched as he forced himself to unclench his fists. "I think we might be dealing with an unsub who was abused as a child. It's not unusual for children to be beaten with belts and belt buckles. He was beaten on his back because that part of the body would be covered by clothing so no one could see the injuries. He's probably lashing out at the person who had abused him."

"So you think the victims may have looked like his father figure?" The question was from Detective Townsend.

"It's likely. He probably suffered a psychotic break just before he killed the first victim. We'll need to go through hospital and school records to get a list of pre-pubescent boys who may have been abused between 1990 and 2000. Also, we'll need to cross-check with any domestic violence incidents that occurred at that time." As he spoke, Hotch looked like he had regained his composure. His usual stoic mask was back in place and his tone was both confident and commanding.

"That's going to be a massive amount of information!" Detective Townsend looked horrified.

"We'll help you narrow it down, Detective. And our technical analyst back at Quantico will be a valuable aid to us."

They spent the rest of the day narrowing down the list of children in the Baltimore and greater Baltimore area with Garcia's help. The next day, all the members of the team and all the police officers that the precinct could spare were out canvassing hospitals and schools. Unfortunately, most of the records from the early 1990's were not computerised. This was especially so in relation to school attendance records and the files kept by school counsellors.

Late that afternoon, they all met up again at the precinct. Emily knew from the look on her colleagues' faces that they were all feeling discouraged.

"It's no use, Hotch, we've gone to almost every school in the area and the few children who seems to fit the profile have either moved interstate or completely disappeared. It's like looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack."

"This one school that Dave and I went to, when the counsellor took us into the records room which held the files for the last 20 years I asked what the red flags were on the files. She said it was to flag possible child abuse. I just stood there and stared at her. Because the red flags were on three quarters of the files there. It was just...soul destroying." JJ looked upset, her eyes bright with unshed tears, and Emily put her arm around her shoulder, giving it a little squeeze.

"All right." Hotch paused, thinking. "I think we need to look at it a different way. We know the unsub was very likely an abused child. He doesn't seem to have killed before 3 months ago. So what was the trigger? What caused his psychotic break?"

A thought suddenly occurred to Emily. "Wait, we know that children almost never fight back, they're unable to, if not physically, then mentally. So what if the unsub had been waiting all this time to exact revenge then finds out that he's unable to for some reason."

"So he takes it out on all these other victims who look like his abuser. Interesting theory, Emily." Dave looked thoughtful as he pondered her theory. "But what could it be that is preventing him from taking revenge?"

"Maybe the abuser died?" Reid offered.

Hotch was already calling Garcia. "Yes, Unit Chief? What is thy wish this eve?"

"Garcia, can you check to see whether there were any male deaths within the parameters we used in the last four months?"

"Umm...let's see. There were 47 deaths, but only 8 within the 50 to 60 age range. And...none of them resemble the victims."

The room was silent as everyone thought hard. "What if the abuser was not dead, but incapacitated somehow. So that the unsub didn't feel like he was able to exact revenge?" Morgan said this slowly, obviously talking through his thought processes.

"What if the abuser had a fatal illness, and that was why the time between killings is getting shorter as he is also reaching the end of his life?" Emily saw that everyone was now sitting upright in their chair after hearing Reid's hypothesis.

"Garcia, get us a list of hospitals and hospices in the city. I think the unsub is going to go after his father next."

"Yes, sir. There's only three, one hospital and two hospices. I'll send you the addresses now."

They were less than a mile away when they heard the explosion. They arrived within minutes, but one look at the burning building and Emily knew there was no hope of anyone surviving the explosion. That was when Hotch had leapt out of the SUV and rushed towards the inferno. Emily knew she would never forget that moment for the rest of her life. Hotch straining against the male arms holding him back while she screamed at him to stop, searing heat beating against them. Most of all, she remembered the devastation on his face as she watched the reflection of the flames flickering wildly in his irises.

She had managed to lead an unresisting Hotch back to the SUV while she had a quick conference with Dave about what to do next. Dave told her to drive Hotch home and he, Morgan and JJ would do the debrief. Emily remembered both of them looking worriedly over at Hotch sitting quietly in the car, eyes staring vacantly ahead. She had promised she would call Dave to let him how Hotch was faring.

During the journey home she had tried talking to him a couple of times, but he hadn't responded either times. He hadn't moved since she put him in the front passenger seat an hour ago and she was starting to panic. So she put her foot down and drove faster. Still, it felt like an eternity before she finally pulled up in front of his apartment block.

Unfastening her seatbelt, she turned towards him. "Hotch? Hotch, look at me," she said insistently. No response. It was as if he was lost in his own world. She started to lean over then changed her mind. She got out and came around to his side, opening the door. "Hotch," she repeated softly, cupping his cheek with her right and gently turning his face towards her. He looked at her blankly and she almost cried at the look of sheer defeat in his eyes that was illuminated by the bright street lamps in front of the steps. She cupped his face with both hands, bending close. "It's me, Hotch, it's Emily."

She waited patiently, holding still as he continued to stare at her. She was finally reward a long minute later when he blinked then slowly started to focus on her.

"Emily?" He looked uncertainly at her, his brow furrowed.

"Hi." She hadn't felt such immense relief in a very long time. While driving she had had visions of having to take him to the ER of the nearest hospital if he had continued to remain in his almost catatonic state. She smiled at him. "You're home," she continued in her soft voice.

He looked behind her and she dropped her hands from his face, straightening up.

"Will you be okay to walk inside? I'm going to be right by your side."

He nodded slowly and swung his legs out, standing up stiffly. She took hold of arm and closed the door behind him. He seemed to be moving well enough by himself once they were through the entrance, so she let go of his arm and they walked up the stairs, Hotch taking measured steps, holding on to the banister. Despite this, he appeared reasonably alert and stopped in front of the door to his apartment. She found the key on the keyring which held the key to the SUV and unlocked the door, disarming the alarm and switching on the lights.

He stepped inside, blinking at the sudden brightness. He looked around his apartment as if he was familiarising himself with his surroundings. He turned back to her. "Jack? Is he..."

"He's with Jessica for the night. You told her earlier today that you won't be back till tomorrow at the earliest. He's fine." He nodded and she took his hand, leading him over to the lounge. "Come and sit down."

He did and she sat down on the coffee table, facing him, holding his hand in both of hers. She looked into his eyes. "Hotch, do you remember what happened a short while ago? The explosion?"

He stared at her for long seconds, then nodded jerkily. "The hospice. We were trying to reach the next victim but we were too late." His jaw trembled. "It was my fault."

"Hotch, no," she breathed out. "It was not your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, except the unsub's."

He was shaking his head before she had even finished. "No, it was my fault. We wasted all this time on searching through the paper records when I should have known."

She didn't get it. "How could you have known, Hotch? We were all profiling him and had no idea."

"You don't understand." He pulled his hand out of her grasp and got up, walking to window, his back towards her. "You don't understand because it didn't happen to you."

"What didn't?" Even as she asked the question she felt a sick feeling start to invade her stomach. _Oh no, please God. Not Hotch._

He stared out of the window, staying silent. But Emily waited. She would wait forever if that was as long as it would take.

When he spoke, his voice was so low she could barely hear. But she resisted the urge to move towards him. "I was six when it first happened. Dad was having some problems at work and he and mom were fighting a lot. One night I was waiting up for him to read a story to me. Mom had told me that it was Friday, and Fridays you see, were days that dad and I would hang out. Sometimes he would come home early enough and we'd go outside and look up at the stars before bedtime. Or we'd watch tv together or play a board game. I'd look forward to it all week. If dad was held up at work, he'd at least come home to read a story to me.

That night I heard him come in and before I even got out of my room, I could hear them arguing. I should have known better, but I ran out into the middle of their shouting match and screamed at dad to stop shouting, just stop. He backhanded me and I flew across the room. He was so apologetic the next day. He even went out and bought me this shiny red firetruck that I had been saving up for since like forever. It came with two firemen and had this water hose that you could wind up. It's funny the things you remember."

Emily pressed her lips together, trying to stop their trembling. Her tears spilt out of her eyes at the thought of a dark haired little boy, face bruised as he played with his firetruck, a toy that his father had given him to assuage his own guilt at hitting his son. But she knew it wasn't the end of the story.

"He promised me that it won't happen ever again. But three weeks later he was drunk again, and this time he hit mom. When I tried to stop him, he pushed me away and I think I hit my head on the kitchen table because I blacked out for a while. I woke up in the hospital and there was dad next to my bed. This time he gave me a police car with flashing sirens and a policeman. Maybe he was trying to buy my forgiveness, I don't know. But I couldn't forgive him. He'd hurt my mom, who had done nothing but be a perfect wife to him. He swore that he won't drink again, that he was more sorry than he could ever say. He'd never hurt us again. But he did drink and he hurt us. And after a while, I think he actually enjoyed it. Sometimes, he didn't even have to drink. He liked having us under his control, watching the fear on our faces when he got that look in his eyes. He liked using his fists on mom, but his favourite for me was his belt. I learnt to stop crying out because that seemed to give his satisfaction. Of course that just made him hit me harder. He hit me so hard one day that he broke two ribs. That was the day my mom finally gathered enough courage to leave him."

Emily couldn't stay back any longer. She got and walked towards him, swiping her tears away. She came up next to him and he turned his head to look at her. His eyes were no longer empty, but filled with the awful pain of old memories.

"A few years later when I found out that he had died, I remember thinking that was it, I'd lost my chance to get even. So I should have foreseen what the unsub was going to do. He wanted to hurt his father. I just never thought he'd hurt all those other people. They died because of me." His voice broke on the last word.

"Hotch, this was not your fault. I know you don't believe me, but I'm going to keep saying this until you do, even if it takes the next 30 years. Because it was _not_ your fault. Yes, you had a similar experience with the unsub, but you know as well as I do that every person deals with their experiences differently. The unsub became a killer, and you," she tried to smile at him through her tears, "you became a Unit Chief in the BAU, one of the most respected agents in the bureau. I don't know any person who has more honour or integrity than you. I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am to be your colleague and your friend. You are the best profiler I know. Never, ever, blame yourself for what you did."

"I'm just...so tired, Emily," he whispered. She didn't hesitate, she stepped forward and put her arms around him. There was barely a pause before his arms too came up and drew her even closer to him, holding her tightly against him. She felt him rest his cheek against her temple.

"It's okay, I'm right here. Everything's going to be just fine. I promise." She stroked his back as they stood there holding each other.

Hotch finally drew back slightly, not letting go of her. "Stay with me tonight?" She saw the anxiousness in his eyes that he was trying to hide.

"I'll stay with you as long as you need me."

His eyes darkened. "What if..." He licked his lips, looking uncertain. "What if I need you to..." His voice trailed off and he swallowed hard.

Her heart clenched as the look of needy desperation in his eyes that he was unable to give voice to.

"What if you need me to love you?" His arms tightened involuntarily around her and she knew that he had detected the verb she had used. A word she had chosen deliberately. Because while he was talking, she had come to a sudden realisation that she was in love with him. Completely, utterly, irrevocably in love. And she needed him to know that. "I do love you, Hotch," she said softly, eyes locked with his.

He stared at her, saying nothing, his face exhibiting his fear and vulnerability. And yet, there was wonder in his eyes. As if he was too afraid to believe it was true. But she knew what she could do to convince him now. Tonight.

She moved out of his arms and reached out to take his hand. "Let me show you."

**Intense wasn't it? Please leave me a review as this chapter was hard to write, so I'd love to know what you thought.**


	9. For Good

**Hi everyone, I was completely amazed at the response I received to Chapter 8, thank you all SO, SO much for reviewing and telling me how touching you found it. I am sorry I have not managed to respond to you individually, I have had sick family members, but please know that each and every one of your reviews is very much treasured. Here's the next chapter where it is definitely M territory. I hope you enjoy it.**

**"For Good" from Wicked, sung by Kristin Chenoweth, copyright Decca Label Group  
><strong>

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><p><em>Like a comet pulled from orbit<br>As it passes a sun  
>Like a stream that meets a boulder<br>Halfway through the wood  
>Who can say if I've been changed for the better?<br>But because I knew you  
>I have been changed for good<em>

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><p>Emily took off Hotch's vest and loosened his tie, pulling it off his neck before unbuttoning his shirt. She noticed her fingers tremble as they moved from button to button, fumbling slightly. Despite the confidence she was projecting, she was secretly scared to death. She knew that after tonight everything would change. Unlike the night that they had spent together in the motel, tonight would involve real emotions. She could see from the way his eyes stared unblinkingly at her that he had feelings for her. It may not be love, but he cared about her and he needed her. But even if he hadn't felt anything for her, her feelings would have remain unchanged. She hadn't chosen to fall in love with him. But now that she had, she realised that his happiness meant more to her than her own. So she would be with him as much and as long as he wanted her. And she just had to pray that he would want her forever.<p>

She removed his shirt and then his t-shirt, Hotch lifting his arms up accommodatingly as she did so. She bent down and unlaced his shoes, then took them off. She reached around his left calf and undid the holster for his back up, taking it off and putting it to the side, before removing his black socks. She stood back up and their gaze collided. Emily unconsciously bit her bottom lip at the gathering heat in his dark eyes and saw them drop to her lips as she did so. Her fingers, which had started to undo his belt buckle faltered in their task and he finally moved. He gently removed her hands and finished undressing, never breaking eye contact.

It was Emily's turn to remain quiescent as Hotch made short work of removing her vest and clothing, carelessly leaving their clothes on the floor of his clinically neat bedroom. And almost before she knew it, they were standing in his shower stall, scalding hot water streaming down on them both and washing away the traces of ash and smoke that clung to them.

They washed each other, slowly and thoroughly, hands gliding over soap slicked skin, toned biceps, muscled calves. Hotch made no moved to kiss her, despite the fact that she could both see and feel the extent of his arousal. His erection pressed heavily into her flat stomach, and she could feel its heat against her even with the hot water running over her skin. Her groin was heavy intimate excitement. She ached for him to fill the void within her. Yet she too held back from kissing him. The feeling of his hands on her body, caressing her slowly, and yes, lovingly, was heightening her arousal to fever pitch, despite the fact that he was avoiding touching her intimately.

She slid her hands up his chest, stopping at his nipples and pinching them lightly with her thumbs and forefingers, gratified to hear him inhale harshly. He bent down and Emily's head dropped back onto the wall when she felt him take a tightly furled nipple into his mouth. She gasped as he sucked hard, then swirled his tongue around the aureole, then sucked again. He did this for a few seconds, alternating between these two actions, then moved his attention to its twin. Emily moaned as she felt the heat spike within her, reaching her hands up to wind her fingers in his hair. She could barely believe that she was already nearing her peak when his touch hadn't ventured below her waist.

Hotch seemed to know exactly what she was feeling, because he lifted his head, and grabbing her around the waist, pushed her up against the wall, pushing her legs apart with his knee. Emily had barely emitted her gasp of surprise before he thrust himself forcefully into her. He was massively erect and she should have found it difficult to accept him. But the moisture she had produced from her arousal and the inexorable motion of his hips seated him fully inside her in only two thrusts. And on his third thrust, the friction of him against her sensitised nerve endings caused her to explode and she screamed his name, clawing at his shoulders. Her orgasm was so intense she barely felt him grab her thighs and pummel into her, each thrust so forceful that she slid upwards on the slippery wall behind her. He came with a feral roar, jaw clenched, eyes screwed tightly shut. Emily held on as tightly as she could to his water slicked shoulders as he pushed himself deep, releasing himself within her.

She didn't know how long they stood in that position before Hotch gently disengaged himself and let her down onto her feet. She was weak-kneed from the intensity of her climax but he seemed to expect this, keeping one strong arm around her waist, while reaching over to switch the water off with the other. He helped her out of the shower, then quickly dried her before drying himself. Emily stared up at his face as he dried her hair, a look of concentration on his face. She loved that look on him, so serious and focused, even on an inconsequential task such as this.

He finished and noticed her looking at him. His mouthed hitched up in a slow smile that took her breath. "Hi." His voice was low and quiet. His eyes gazed softly into hers.

She returned his smile, so happy at that moment that she felt as though her heart was full to bursting. "Hi." There were the first words they'd spoken to each other since they had walked into his bedroom. So simple, but strangely sweet.

Hotch put his hand on her chin, staring at her intently for a long moment before bending down and capturing her mouth with his. Their kiss mirrored the atmosphere that was between them. Turbulent and yet innately calming, forceful and yet there was no mistaking the tenderness that laid beneath the passion.

"Let's go to bed," he murmured.

So they did.

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><p>Hotch smiled inwardly when he felt Emily's body tense in anticipation of what he was about to do. He had just spent the last 30 minutes, caressing, stroking and dropping kisses on her body, paying more attention to sensitive areas such as her neck, crook of her elbows, fingers, toes and inner thighs. And now he was about to concentrate on the most sensitive spot of all. He pushed her thighs apart and gazed down at the bounty before him. All pink and swollen and glistening.<p>

Beautiful.

He ignored the insistent throbbing of his penis. No more holding back. He gave her a lick from bottom to top, pausing a moment to relish both the salty sweet taste of her and the sound of her choked gasp echo in the quiet room. He touched the tip of his tongue to her clit, circling it again and again. He paused, putting his entire mouth on her, sucking hard, feeling her thighs jerk involuntarily at this action, then changed tactics, flicking her tiny bundle of nerves rapidly. He alternated between these three manoeuvres, changing when she would least expect it. It didn't take long before her body went rigid and she released a low, keening moan.

But he didn't stop. Or even allow her to recover. He inserted two fingers into her heated channel, her inner muscles still spasming weakly with the last waves of her climax. He felt his cock throb impatiently. It was done waiting.

"Hotch, I can't..." Emily uttered weakly.

"Yes, you can. Once more, for me." His eyes narrowed as his fingers curled up within her, stroking until his sensitive fingertips found the spot they had been looking for. She gasped, her thighs tensing. He massaged the concentration of nerves firmly, then with less pressure, gently circling, then stroked it hard again. Back and forth he continued, changing the pressure until he felt her thighs move restless against his shoulders. Her breathing quickened and he now kept his fingers directly on her g-spot, rubbing it hard. She called out his name as she came, her inner muscles spasming hard around his fingers.

He couldn't wait any longer. He reared up over her and reaching down with one hand, positioned his rock hard member at her soft opening. Emily looked up at him, eyes glassy from her recent climax, cheeks flushed. He had never seen a more beautiful sight. She slipped hands around the back of his neck, urging him forward wordlessly. He held his breath as he sank deep into her.

"God, you feel so good, so perfect," he groaned, feeling his cock swell even further at the feeling of her around him. She fitted him like she had been made just for him, tight and wet and incredibly perfect. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, going still, trying to regain the control that was suddenly slipping away from him. His body was screaming at him to just let go, pound into her as hard as he could. He didn't want to. He wanted to make love to her slowly and tenderly, unlike the last two times where he had taken her like an animal in the wild. He had managed to keep himself tightly reigned up till now, giving her the pleasure she more than deserved.

But yet again, just like the other two times, his body was betraying him. From the moment he had thrust into her he could feel his control unravelling. He didn't know what it was, but it was not just the physical sensation of their bodies joining together. It was as if he felt that if he didn't take her and make her his immediately, he might lose her somehow. That he had to claim her right there and then so that she won't have the chance to change her mind. Because she now knew exactly how scarred and damaged he was inside.

Everything that he was had now been placed before her, and he was exposed in a way he never had been with another human being. He had never even told Haley, despite the fact that they had known each other for over 20 years. He had wanted to tell her, many times, but he knew that she would not have handled it well. Haley had never wanted to know what he did in his job, she didn't want any part of the ugliness and the evil that pervaded his working hours. And Hotch understood, but this had placed an even heavier burden on him that what he already shouldered. She was supposed to be his help and his comfort, and yet he was unable to speak to her honestly about how he was feeling or share his experiences with her.

"Hotch?" Emily's soft voice intruded on his thoughts.

He opened his eyes and looked at her.

She cupped her hands on his cheeks. "Don't think, just let go."

He didn't move, staring at her numbly, anxiety a suffocating band around his chest. "I don't want to hurt you," he finally whispered.

She must have seen his fear, because her face softened, eyes so tender that he had to swallow hard at the emotion clogging his throat. "It's all right, Hotch, you're not going to hurt me, I promise. Just let go, I've got you." She lifted her head and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. She locked her gaze with his, lifting her legs to cradle his hips, drawing him deeper in the process.

"I love you."

At those words, something inside him broke and with a harsh sob he exploded into action, pulling out and thrusting hard back into her. Their eyes never left each other as his hips pistoned against hers, going so deep within her that he didn't know where he ended and where she began. Her fingers dug hard into his shoulders and her thighs locked hard around him as she reached her peak, mouth opened in a soundless scream.

And as Hotch felt his orgasm tear through him with immense force, the love he saw in her eyes transformed him. He felt reborn and renewed, whole again. Completely loved and accepted for who he was. The gratitude he felt was indescribable. So he bent down to kiss her instead, trying to inject in his kiss everything he was feeling.

When he opened his eyes again, she was smiling at him, eyes bright with happiness. He shifted off her and nudging her on her side, spooned her up against him.

They fell asleep, fingers entwined at her waist.

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><p>Hotch woke up to the aroma of bacon in the air. He looked over to the digital clock on his bedside table, blinking his eyes blearily. He didn't fail to notice that he was struggling to surface from his sleeping state, when ordinarily he became alert in seconds. The emotional turmoil of the last two days coming to a culmination last night, on top of the massive workload that he was carrying had again caused him to fall into an exhausted slumber. He didn't remember anything after making love to Emily.<p>

There was a white piece of paper in front of the clock. He picked it up and blinked down at Emily's neatly penned note.

_Good morning, _

_It's late, but don't panic. Dave's not expecting us in and Jack doesn't need to be picked up from school till this afternoon. I'm cooking breakfast so come get some *wink*_

_E_

Hotch smiled at the last sentence. He turned back to look the clock. 9.37 am. Wow. He couldn't remember the last time he woke up after seven. Anything past six was practically a sleep-in for him. He got out of bed and pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of old sweatpants before brushing his teeth. When he got to the kitchen he found Emily standing at the stove, wearing a pair of stripy pyjama shorts and a faded FBI t-shirt which, he saw when she turned around to grab a plate, hugged her in all the right places.

He slipped his arms around her waist, craning his head over her shoulder and watched her fish out the slices of crispy bacon from the frying pan.

"Hotch!" She giggled when his stubble roughened cheek rubbed against her neck.

He nuzzled her jaw, making sure his cheek was deliberately in contact with her sensitive skin. God, she smelt good. There was the smell of his soap on her skin plus whatever it was that was her essence. "So, I was thinking maybe it's time you called me Aaron."

She put the bacon down beside the stove and turned within his arms to face him, linking her hands behind his neck. "Really? I think it's a bit soon for that sort of familiarity. I mean we've only slept together twice." She looked at him, a cheeky smile on her face.

Hotch tried to ignore the warm feeling spreading through his chest upon seeing her smile. He gave her a little tickle on her ribs in retaliation for her comment. "If by sleeping together you mean sex, I think we've actually done that three times."

The smile died down on her face and she bit the corner of her bottom lip. "Was that really all it was, Hotch, sex?" He saw the vulnerability in her eyes and cursed himself for being so thoughtless.

"No, it wasn't. I shouldn't have said that. It was never just sex, not even that first time together." He looked deeply into her eyes, knowing that he had to tell her the truth of what he was feeling. Whatever happened after this, he had to be honest. "Emily, I know you're probably waiting for me to tell you that I love you, but I'm not sure that's what I'm feeling right now. I do know that I care for you, very much, and I really want to be with you. I need you to know that I've never told anyone about what happened to me, not even Haley. I don't think she would have been able to deal with it, and I never felt like wanting to expose that part of me even to her. So the fact that I told you..." he paused, trying to find the right words. "I guess what I'm trying to say is you're a very special person to me, and I know this is a complete turnaround to what I said before, but I'd really like to see where this takes us, if you'll give me a chance." His body was taut with tension as he waited anxiously for her reply.

"Oh Hotch, I can't believe you'd even think that I would say no. I'm the one who's in love with you." She shook her head, emitting a resigned laugh.

"Emily – " He started to apologise, feeling like a bastard for putting her in this position, but she pressed her fingers against his lips.

"Aaron," she said his name slowly, rolling the vowels and consonants of his name over her tongue, as if familiarising herself with the sound of his name. "Aaron," she repeated, "I didn't tell you that I love you because I expected something in return. Of course I want you to love me too, but I can wait, and if it doesn't happen, yes, I'll hurt, but I'll get over it. I love you and all I want is for you to be happy, even if...if you decide one day that you'd be happy without me."

Watching the tenderness in her eyes while listening to the words she was uttering was killing him. "Emily, _you_ make me happy. But it's not just that. When I am with you, I feel as if I'm finally home, and safe. It's like everything inside me that's wound up so suffocatingly tight can finally be released and I can just...take a breath." He stopped, suddenly feeling embarrassed. He had no idea where those words had come from. Despite being a former prosecutor, he was a man of few words when it came to affairs of the heart.

"Oh, Aaron," Emily breathed, tears in her eyes. She tugged him towards her and pressed her lips to his.

They had kissed before, a number of times. But they were nothing at all like this kiss. This kiss was filled with love and tenderness and yearning. And a tentative hope. For now, it was as fragile as hand-blown glass. Yet, it was there.

When they finally drew apart he asked her. "Will you spend the day with me?"

She gave him a teasing smile. "You don't want to go work?"

For the first time in his life, he didn't give a flying toss about work. "Fuck work."

Her mouth dropped open. "Aaron Hotchner, I never would have imagined a profanity coming out of that mouth of yours."

"Mmm...that's not the only thing this mouth of mine can do. As you'll remember from last night."

She blushed so prettily he had to kiss her again. This time the kiss was pure passion, burning hot and fast, stealing away all rational thought and control.

By the time they came to their senses they found themselves lying on top of Hotch's dining table, stark naked.

Emily giggled when Hotch finally pulled her upright into a sitting position. He chuckled when he realised what the cause of her laughter was. Reaching behind her, he plucked a couple of sheets of paper off her sweat dampened back. He glanced at them before throwing it back down on the table which now looked like a hurricane had hit it.

"I hope that wasn't something you were working on for Johnson," she remarked as he slipped her t-shirt back on.

"It is, but then I've been wanting him to know what I really think of him." Hotch eyed the wet spot on a particular page of paper.

Emily followed his gaze. "Oh, that's just not right." She tried to look disgusted, but couldn't help laughing. "You need to control yourself a bit better next time and get me to a bed. Or a couch."

"Control myself, huh? That wasn't what you were asking me to do earlier." He raised an eyebrow at her while pulling his sweatpants back on, managing to keep a straight face when she blushed bright red at the recollection of her screaming at him not to hold back, in addition to a litany of other commands. "I hope Mrs Rosenberg next door was watching Days of Our Lives and not listening in to you screaming 'harder, faster, don't stop'." He grunted when she gave him a punch in the arm.

"You are so not a gentleman," she complained as she finished dressing. "I can't believe you brought that up." She flashed him an embarrassed look. "Do you really think Mrs Rosenberg heard me?"

Hotch moved behind the kitchen counter before he answered. "Nah, she's deaf as a doorknob, she won't have heard you if she were standing next to you."

She glared at him with narrowed eyes. "I am so going to get you for that."

He grinned at her. He couldn't remember the last time he had such fun sparring with words. "All right, but can we eat first? I'm starving."

She rolled her eyes. "Men. Pancakes are in the oven. I need to use the bathroom. I'm surprised you managed to forget about your appetite till now." She started walking away.

"Hey," When she looked back, he tried to look affronted, to no avail. "I believe I was the one who's been doing all the work, it's no wonder I'm hungry. Maybe you can do the honours next time?"

He chuckled when she walked off without dignifying his question with an answer. Which was why he was pleasantly surprised, extremely so, when she actually did 'do the honours' by taking the dominant role an hour later.

The spent the rest of the day making love, eating and making love again. After Hotch picked Jack up, they three of them spent the rest of the afternoon baking a chocolate cake and then had the rest of the pancakes for dinner.

Emily was going to leave after Jack went to bed, but he persuaded her to spend the night with him. She was reluctant, and he knew that it wasn't because she didn't want to be with him, but that Jack was in the apartment.

I just want to hold you, he told her. No sex, she said, looking at him suspiciously. No sex, he promised, holding out his hands in surrender.

As she slept in his arms, he realised that even though he had only been with her for 24 hours, he was already used to the feeling he experienced every time he was with her. The comfort she gave just by being there. When he was with her, he felt safe and secure. He didn't have to watch what he was saying or hold back on his emotions. She loved him; even though he was scarred and damaged and broken. For the first time since Haley's death, he felt like he was no longer beyond redemption. Because Emily had saved him. And it was then he knew that he never wanted to lose her love. Or this precious person that was Emily Prentiss.

**As always, I very much appreciate your reviews, so please take a few seconds to send me one if you can. A bit of lighthearted relief next chapter.**


	10. Don't Hide Your Love

**As promised, here's a little bit of humour. Hope you enjoy it.**

**_Don't Hide Your Love_ by Cher, copyright MCA Inc.**

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><p><em>Don't hide your love<br>Not if you care for me  
>It isn't fair for me<br>To worry and wonder and wait  
>Don't hide your love<br>Just love me here and now  
><em>  
><em>We'll work it out somehow<br>Don't you keep us apart_

_Baby unlock your heart  
>Don't hide your love<em>

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><p>"Hey, Prentiss." Emily looked up to see Derek heading towards her. She stirred her coffee and threw away the stirrer.<p>

"Hey." She took a seat at the table in the breakout room. It was still early in the morning and most of their team hadn't arrived. With the exception of Hotch, of course. Without looking up she knew he had already arrived. Not just because she knew his routine, which she did, down to the minute. But they had spent so much time with each other in the last two months that she practically had a sixth sense where he was at any given time. They were together almost every night and every Sunday, if Hotch wasn't tied up with work. Saturdays were for Hotch and Jack, because not only was it important for them to spend time together, Emily didn't think that it would be fair to Jack to think that there was something serious going on between her and Hotch. Which was why she made sure she came over only after he was in bed and left before he woke up in the morning.

Not that they tried very hard to hide their affection for each other. Hotch made no effort to stop touching her when Jack was around. He didn't seem to find a need to explain to Jack why he was holding her hand or had his arm around her waist. Surprisingly, Jack never said anything, but just took it in his stride. He probably thought _all_ friends cuddled on the couch while watching Disney movies. Emily had to admit she was worried about how they were going to deal with telling Jack, when and if the time came, that they were in a relationship. But at the moment she loved that Hotch seemed unable to keep his hands off her when they were away from work, because she sure as hell felt the same way about him. Talk about being head over heels in love with someone. That was her.

She was amazed no one in their team had noticed. Because she could have sworn that her eyes followed him around like a moon-eyed calf. Her heart would give a little leap every time she saw him and if she was ever in close proximity with him, her pulse would race and her palms would actually start to dampen from excitement. Boy, she had it bad. _Real bad_.

Yet, no one seemed to have picked any of this up. Hotch was of course, his usual grim, inscrutable self. His stoic facade was unfailingly in place during work hours. Some days she was seriously tempted to grab his tie and pull him in for a kiss, just so she could remind herself that they really were seeing each other, and that it wasn't all just some hallucination.

There was only one time where he had given in to his feelings. It had been after a case in Phoenix that had drained them all physically and emotionally. Everyone else were asleep and Emily had gone into the small kitchenette on the jet to get some tea. While waiting for her tea to brew, she found herself remembering the image of the toddler they had found crying and covered in the blood of her mother. They had missed the unsub by minutes.

Hotch had come upon her as she stood there. He had put his hand on the small of her back, saying nothing. She could still feel the warmth of his hand, telling her without words that he was there for her and that everything was going to be all right. And it was, because after they arrived home, he had held her all night, soothing her when she woke up from a dream haunted by that same image.

Unfortunately though, Reid had come upon them standing so closely together, Hotch's hand resting intimately on her. Hotch hadn't pulled away immediately, but leaned over and gave her the mug of tea before stepping away and going back to his seat. Reid had said nothing about the incident, or even looked anything approaching curiosity and although Emily watched him closely for the next few days, he had said nothing nor acted out of the ordinary.

"So, I was just wondering, do y'know what Hotch has been up to?" Derek glanced up at Hotch's office.

Emily frowned. "What do you mean?" She pretended to ask, even though she had an inkling where this was going.

"Even though he's still doing all this shit for Johnson, he seems, I don't know, more relaxed. Have you noticed?"

She pretended to consider his question. "I guess so." Ha, _of course_ Hotch was relaxed, she made sure of it – every night. There was no way he won't be relaxed after their nightly session. It was actually pretty amazing what orgasms could do for relieving tension. She bit back a grin at the thought of telling all this to Derek. The temptation of seeing his face as she did so was almost too great.

"So, do you think he's dating someone?" Derek looked at her with a glint in his eye.

She decided to play along. "Why, did you see him with someone? Who?" She pretended to look extremely interested.

"Hell, I don't know! I was hoping you did." He looked chagrined.

"Why would I know? What, do you think I stalk Hotch or something." That was funny, because she had actually stalked him right into the shower last night. By the time they were done, she was pretty sure there was not an ounce of tension left in either of their bodies.

"No, I just thought maybe you ladies would know something, heard some gossip maybe?" He used his cajoling tone on her, giving her a puppy dog look with his dark eyes.

"You know that doesn't work on me, right?" she retorted drily. "Look, I know nothing. Have you asked Dave? I swear he gossips more than the two old Italian ladies that live in my apartment block. Last week he told me that Anderson's dating that college girl waitress from Smokey's Bar."

"What? That chick's actually dating Anderson?" Derek was immediately distracted, as she knew he would be. Men and their one track minds.

Emily groaned. "Please don't tell me you were thinking of asking her out. She's like a toddler for God's sake!"

"She is not," he retorted. "Toddlers do not have bazookas out to here." He held his cupped hands about a foot away from his chest.

"Okay, stop right there. I can talk about boobs as much as the next man, but I am not comfortable talking about Anderson's girlfriend's boobs."

"Boobs? Did someone mention boobs?" Pene trotted up to them, flashing them both a huge smile. "Nothing like talking about boobs before my morning coffee. Whose boobs are we discussing?"

"Blonde barmaid."

"No one's."

Emily and Derek both answered at the same time.

Pene paused, looking at both of them. "Ahh, we're talking about Anderson's chicky babe. Yeah, her boobs are humongous."

"That's what I said." Derek flashed Emily a triumphant grin.

Emily ignored him, taking a sip of her now lukewarm coffee. She frowned as her stomach lurched in protest. The coffee tasted fine, it was only when it hit her stomach did she feel the wave of nausea. Surely she wasn't getting sick.

"I have no idea why she's dating Anderson. I mean, she could have her pick of any guy, right?" Derek asked Pene.

"True, so maybe he's got a large penis." Pene looked at Derek innocently.

Emily choked on her coffee. "Oh God, Pene! Thanks so much for that image. Please do not ever, ever again mention the words Anderson and penis in the same sentence again."

"What's up with Anderson's penis?" Dave walked into the breakout area. "No pun intended."

Emily groaned loudly. "I'm leaving right now, before I have to cut my ears off and burn them. And maybe get my memory wiped at the same time."

"You just don't want to talk about penises because you're not getting any." Pene looked at her, a wicked smile on her face.

"I don't want to talk about penises, full stop. And my love life is not up for discussion." She glared at Pene.

"Oooh, Emily's sexually frustrated," sang Derek. He laughed at the 'I am going to torture you for hours and then kill you' look on her face.

"I am not sexually frustrated," she bit out. Un-freaking-believable. She was having more sex than she had ever had in her life and everyone apparently thought the she was number one on the list of FBI agents most likely to be wearing a chastity belt.

"Maybe we can pay Anderson to take you out on a date. Then you can find out for sure the size of his man muscle." Derek had the gall to wink at her.

Meanwhile Pene and Dave were laughing hysterically at the Derek's description. At that moment, JJ walked in. She raised her eyebrows at them, walking across to the percolator and pouring herself a mug of coffee.

"What's so funny?"

Emily fumed silently. She was going to kill Derek. Her Glock was in her drawer, just 20 feet away. She could get her gun and shoot him before anyone even knew what had happened.

Pene wiped the tears from her eyes. "We were just talking about how long it's been since poor Em here has seen some action, so we thought maybe we could persuade Anderson to take her out on a date."

JJ actually looked thoughtful. "Yeah, Em, you really need to get out more. But why Anderson? He's no catch. Although, he _is_ dating that booby bartender from Smokey's so maybe he's got a huge schlong or something."

Everyone with the exception of Emily cracked up. Derek was laughing so hard he almost fell off his chair. JJ shook her head, looking puzzled at their reaction. She turned to Emily. "Em, you don't have a crush on Anderson or anything right? I know you haven't dated for a while, but you can do better."

JJ's look of pity, or at least that's what it looked like to Emily, was the final straw. Her voice came out loud. "I don't care if Anderson has the biggest penis on the eastern seaboard, I do not want to have sex with him. Just so you know, I'm already having sex, all right? Lots and lots of amazing, incredible, mind-blowing SEX!" The final word was practically a scream. Everyone froze, their mouths open as they stared at her in amazement.

And then she heard a familiar voice behind her. "Thank you for sharing that with all of us, Prentiss. Now, if you've all finished discussing Agent Anderson's particular attribute, please get back to work before I feel compelled to send you all to a sexual harassment seminar refresher." Hotch's voice was void of expression.

At this last comment, everyone hustled out of the breakroom at lightning speed.

Emily closed her eyes, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She just wanted to crawl under the table and die of humiliation. So much for compartmentalising. Where in the world had her self-control disappeared to?

"Aaron, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lost my temper like that." She finally drew enough courage to turn around meet his gaze. To her surprise, he looked amused, his mouth smiling. "You're not annoyed?"

"Well, I _am_ relieved you didn't accidentally scream out my name while you were letting off that bit of steam." His smile widened to a grin. "I mean, I enjoy hearing you scream out my name, but this isn't really the appropriate setting."

Emily was finally recovering from her humiliating episode, so she ignored his comment. "Ugh, you should have heard them go and on about how long it's been since poor, pathetic Emily's seen some action."

Hotch glanced at his watch. "Hmm...yes, it has definitely been a while. By my count it's been exactly three hours and 11 minutes." His eyes were twinkling.

She stared at him. "I can't believe you're talking about this at work."

He shrugged looking around. "No one's going to dare come in here for a while after my threat. It's your fault, really. Talking about sex. I couldn't resist teasing you."

Emily rolled her eyes, getting up to make herself some tea instead. Hotch waited patiently for her to make it to her liking before walking back out to the bullpen with her.

"So is it really amazing, incredible, mind-blowing sex?" he asked in a low voice before they reached her desk.

She grinned at him. "Hell yeah. And just in case you were wondering, I'd choose your penis over Anderson's huge schlong anytime." She winked at him as she walked to her desk, leaving Hotch standing next to the stairs coughing to disguise his laughter.

* * *

><p>"Emily!" Jack threw himself into her arms.<p>

Hotch smiled at Jack's enthusiastic hug. It said a lot about how close he had grown to Emily over the last two months.

"I've missed you, Jack. Did you have a good week at school?" Emily grinned down at him while they waited for Hotch to set the alarm on.

"Yeah, I sure did. We did lots and lots of stuff, but I forgot what they are."

Hotch shared a smile with Emily. When either of them asked him what he did that day or the day before his stock standard answer was he couldn't remember. His brain had processed so many things that had happened that day that it was too much for him to recall when he was asked.

"Oh, I remember, we painted pasta yesterday."

"You did? Were you making a picture with the pasta?"

"Oh no, we're going to make jewellery. But cos boys don't wear jewellery, I'm making a pasta necklace for you."

"Really? Oh, sweetie, I can't wait to see it. Thank you for thinking of me."

"It's for Mother's Day, but cos my mommy's in heaven, I asked Miss Riley if I could make it for you instead."

"Oh." Emily bit her lip, looking at Hotch. He knew what she was thinking. Maybe it was time to have a little talk with Jack. Although if he were completely honest, he wasn't sure if he knew what to say. On the one hand he felt that what he had with Emily was so new and tentative, and yet on the other hand, when he was with her it was like slipping on his favourite old sweatshirt, familiar and comfortable, like they had been together for years.

Hotch urged Jack out the door so he could lock it before the alarm engaged. "What did Miss Riley say?"

"She asked if Emily was your special friend, and I asked if special friends cuddled on the couch, and she kinda coughed funny and said yes."

Hotch's eyes narrowed at Emily when she stifled a laugh. She shrugged her shoulders at him, laughing.

Jack looked at Emily. "Miss Riley sounded just like that, Dad!"

"Okay, okay." He rolled his eyes. Sometimes he wondered whether he was living in a sitcom. "I'm sure Emily can't wait to see the necklace, Jack."

After buckling Jack in, Hotch pulled out into the street. It was going to be another hot summer's day. Not that he was complaining, he thought, glancing over at Emily. Having expected the heat and knowing where they were going, she was wearing a hot pink tank top with some sort of embroidery in the front teamed with a short denim skirt. He had been hard pressed trying to subdue a wolf whistle when he had seen the expanse of bare thighs on display, so instead he had just given her an extended once over. By the time his eyes were back on her face, she was blushing. If Jack hadn't been there, he would have slung her over his shoulder and took her to bed. It amazed him, his insatiability with her. He couldn't seem to get enough of her it seemed. It was a wonder no one in the team seemed to have noticed. He felt like his eyes were constantly on her and he had to really make an effort not to show his emotions when he was with her, or accidentally touch her without thinking.

Thankfully, he didn't have to watch himself right now. Taking advantage of the fact that they were off duty, and the fact that Jack had playing with the toy soldiers he had brought along with him, Hotch leaned over slightly and put his right hand just above Emily's knee. Her hand reached down and for a moment he thought she was going to remove his hand, but all she did was place hers on top of his. She gave him a soft smile, making his heart jerk hard in his chest.

They rode in comfortable silence, enjoying one of their rare non-work related drives.

Five minutes from their destination, Emily's cellphone chirped. Flashing him an apologetic smile, she pulled her phone out of her clutch and checking the display, grimaced before putting it to her ear.

"Hey Pene."

She paused, listening. "Just hanging out." Pause. "No, I'm not telling you who I'm with. I told you and JJ that my lips are completely sealed." Another pause. "Nope. Uh uh, you can ask till you're blue in the face, but I'm not telling you anything. Forget it."

Hotch was amused at the one-sided conversation he was unashamedly listening in on. As he changed lanes he noticed the exasperated look on Emily's face.

"Pene, just stop it. Hey, remember that I'm the one who has interrogation skills and you're not breaking me. Ever." Long pause. "Where? Oh, you mean the high class bar that you said only hoity toity people would go to?" She grinned. "I guess we'll get a chance to dress up. And seeing that the drinks will be expensive, that'll stop us from getting completely drunk."

Hotch shook his head, then grunted when Emily poked him in the ribs. He turned into the street that would take them to where they were heading for lunch.

"Oh yeah, that's right. Hotch will be away for that conference tomorrow. So we _can_ get drunk."

He responded to her cheeky grin with an exasperated look, even though he knew it probably won't show from behind his sunglasses. Jack, he mouthed at her.

Her eyes widened and she clapped a hand to her mouth, turning back to see the boy still immersed in his make believe world. Sorry, she mouthed back, looking sheepish. "Okay, it's a date. But, if you or JJ ask me a single question about my mystery guy I am outta there. Like immediately." She listened for a moment. "Yeah, right, I'm not going to believe it until I see it. Okay. See you tonight." She hung up and slipped her cell back into her clutch.

"You made plans for tonight?" He was disappointed. "I thought you were going to have dinner with us."

"I'm still having dinner with both of you, but we're going to drinks after." She must have seen something in his face. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you told me you had to do some prep for your presentation tomorrow."

"I did, but I just thought you'd stay and you know." He parked the car.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "What, hold your hand or were you thinking more along the lines of another body part." She crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for his answer.

"Umm..." He couldn't believe she was making him feel flustered. Him, SSAIC Aaron Hotchner, BAU Unit Chief, was feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed because of this exasperating, frustrating, incredibly gorgeous woman. He grinned, holding his hands out in surrender. "Okay, you got me. I just wanted to have your company and maybe talk to you about the the Rafferty case."

Her eyes softened and she uncrossed her arms. "It's true that my entertainment factor makes my company an extremely sought after commodity, so I can understand why you'd want me with you." She grinned, dimples appearing in her cheeks. "Although I'm not really sure talking about sexual sadists would really get us in the mood."

"Daddy, I'm hungry!" piped up a little voice from the back.

He gave her a resigned shrug. "Well, then, that's good, cos we're here."

"Yay!"

When they were out of the car, Jack suddenly realised where they were and gave a jump of joy. "We're having noodles today, Dad!"

"We sure are." Hotch had brought Emily down to Eden Center, otherwise known as Little Saigon for lunch a couple of weeks ago and she loved it. Jack, who was generally quite fussy with food, loved noodles so Hotch had made it a point to bring him here as often as he was able for the rare beef noodle soup that the Vietnamese were famous for.

Jack put his hand in Emily's as they walked towards their favourite restaurant in the center. "Emily, do you like noodle soup?"

"I sure do. But it's such a hot day today that I might have a different type of noodle."

"What type?" Jack turned his face up to hers, looking curious.

"Well, it's also a type of rice noodles, but it's thin, like normal yellow noodles, but white. So it's a different shaped noodles to yours. And it's going to have other vegetables in it and a really yummy dressing."

Jack made a face. "Vegetables. Yuck."

Hotch shook his head in mock despair. "I swear you're going to get scurvy, Jack."

Emily laughed. "Well, at least he's having fruit juice so that's something."

They reached the restaurant and after placing their order, Emily turned to Hotch to continue their conversation while Jack sipped on his coconut juice. "Do you really need me to stay tonight? Because I can call Pene up to cancel."

Hotch shook his head. "No, don't cancel, I love having your company, but you should go out with the girls. I'm a big boy, I think I can handle the prep myself." He smiled at her. "But thank you for offering to cancel." He started to lean over to kiss her, then caught himself. She smiled widely with amusement at the slightly sheepish grin on his face.

"I know, I know, I need to have the talk."

"What talk, Dad?" Jack asked curiously.

"Oh, just something to do with adult talk, buddy. Hey, here are the egg rolls," he murmured with relief. He was so not ready to delve into this topic. How do you tell a five-year-old you were dating someone, but that there was a possibility that the relationship may not work out? Hotch wished he could somehow predict the future, but he had to settle for hoping for the best. Everything that he was experiencing with Emily felt natural and so right, somehow. The only proverbial fly in the ointment was the situation at work. He never thought he'd say this, but he couldn't wait for Strauss to return. Johnson was making her look like the fairy godmother in comparison.

Emily gave him a look that said she knew what he was thinking, but kept silent. He reached across the table and took her hand, both of them deep in their own thoughts as they watched Jack dive into the egg rolls.

* * *

><p>Hotch walked Emily to the door. "Thanks for spending the day with us."<p>

She smiled. "You're welcome." They leaned towards his other, their lips meeting in a long, drawn out kiss.

"Do you really have to go?" he murmured. The one kiss alone had gotten his blood heated up to the extent that his body was ready and raring to go.

"Yes, I do." She cupped her cheek with her soft hand.

"How about a quickie. Jack's in bed and dead to the world." He slipped his arms around her and drew her close to him. Close enough to feel the effect that kiss had had. She raised her eyebrows, then smiled wickedly as she ground her hips against his.

Hotch's breath hissed out. Grabbing her bottom with his left hand, he pulled her high and hard into him, grinding his lips against hers. By the time the kiss ended, they were both breathing heavily. Hotch felt his shaft jerk at the sight of Emily's flushed cheeks and dazed eyes.

"I can't..." She didn't have a chance to finish her sentence before his mouth came down again on hers. Without breaking lip contact, he reached down and lifted her up, her legs curling automatically against his waist. His hands supporting her bottom, he walked towards the leather couch in the lounge room.

Letting her down, he broke off the kiss and turned her around, her back towards him.

"Aaron, what are you doing?" she asked frantically, then went quiet when he pulled her miniskirt up and pulled down her thong, letting it fall down at her feet, but not removing it completely.

He didn't answer her, not even sure he could, his heart was beating thunderously in his ears, his cock straining against his zipper. He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his zipper down, releasing himself with difficulty, he was so hard. He bent her over the arm of the couch and she braced her forearms on it, her breaths coming out in soft pants. Still she seemed to feel she had to protest. "Aaron, I don't think this is a good idea."

He ignored her and nudged her knees apart as far as her thong would allow, then reached between her things with his left hand, bracing his right on the armrest. "Oh sweetheart, you're so wet," he murmured approvingly, sliding his middle finger through her slick heat until he located the small bundle of nerves. She stifled a moan as his wet finger stroked it gently. She started rocking her hips against his hand, breathing faster. A couple of minutes later her whole body stiffened and then she shuddered against his hand, letting out a long, low moan.

Hotch couldn't wait any longer. His shaft was swollen almost beyond belief and removing his hand, he positioned himself at her soft entrance and pushed forward gently but firmly, his control hanging by a shred. He barely gave her time to adjust before he was pounding into her hard and fast, the hot, wet silk of her surrounding him driving him out of his mind. He ground in her, his whole world narrowed down to this moment with Emily. A low growl escaped him when his climax torpedoed into him. He slowed his thrusts down, spilling himself into her depths, grimacing when her walls spasmed around him as she came again, the sound of his name muffled in the couch.

He disengaged himself from her and managed to stay upright long enough to pull Emily up and collapsing onto the couch, pulled her onto his lap. They sat there for a few minutes, trying to catch their breath.

"Well, that was hands down the best quickie I've ever had." Emily shifted on his lap so that she could look at him. "I don't think I've ever had two orgasms in the space of five minutes."

Hotch chuckled when he saw the 'I can't believe I just did that' look on her face. "It was probably heightened by the danger component."

She shook her head disbelievingly. "I cannot believe you of all people did that. And I used to think you were a prude. What if Jack had woken up?"

"Jack won't have woken up if there was an explosion outside his bedroom window. The only times he has woken up was when he was really sick. And," he added, bending down to give her a brief kiss, "surely I've done enough by now to prove I am not a prude."

She grinned. "I will certify to the world you're not a prude once we have had sex at least once in public."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Is that a dare, Agent Prentiss?"

"Oh yes, Unit Chief, it's definitely a dare. Wanna take it up?"

"Definitely." He smiled, wondering at the change she had wrought on him. "Didn't you say you were meeting Garcia and JJ at 8.30? It's 7.45."

"Shit!" Emily jumped up to her feet and pulled her thong up, making a face. "Ugh, I need to have a wash before I go. It really sucks being a woman sometimes. I'll see you in a few days?"

He walked her to the door for the second time. "I'll see you then. Don't do anything tonight I won't do."

She gave him a look. "I might as well just sit at home then," she retorted drily. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.

"Just for that, I'm going to take up that dare and get you when you least expect it," he warned.

"Promises, promises," she grumbled. Flashing him a final smile, she walked out the door and disappeared down the hallway.

**I'd love to hear from you if you have a moment to spare :)**


	11. Secrets

**Here's the girls' night out, although some other things happen as well! Thank you so much to my 'anonymous' reviewers, I really appreciate all your comments and thoughts. And thank you so much HRGHfan35 for her 'google map' comment. You're awesome.**

**Thank you with all my heart, Michelle, for all your help, you're the best.  
><strong>

**Secrets by Good Charlotte, copyright Sony BMG Music Entertainment  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>In the dark<br>In the darkness you will find  
>Dirty little secrets we all hide<br>Cause we all have a darker side  
>A place we keep where no one else will find<em>

_Cause everybody wants to hide their secrets away_  
><em>Nobody wants to stand up to the pain<em>

* * *

><p>"Hey hot mama!" Pene called out, clapping her hands excitedly when she saw Emily. She and JJ were already sitting at a table when Emily walked in.<p>

Emily felt her already high spirits lift even higher when she caught sight of her friends waving at her. Life was good. Not only was she seeing the most wonderful man on the planet, she had a job which she loved and two friends whom she adored. She waved back. The newly opened bar was packed. Mainly with successful young executive wannabes and slightly older professionals.

"Hello ladies. Sorry I'm late." She sat down and put her sequinned clutch on the floor between her scarlet red Louboutin sandalled feet. The red matched her sleeveless silk blouse which had a scooped neckline that plunged dangerously low. She had teamed it with black crepe pants which skimmed her hips and thighs closely before widening slightly at the bottom. Pene was wearing a bright cobalt blue dress with a large pink flower pinned to the bodice while JJ was dressed simply in a little black dress with short capped sleeves and a rounded neckline.

She looked up just in time to see Pene nudge JJ. "And why were you late, Ms Prentiss?" Pene asked, a smile on her face.

"No comment," retorted Emily. She gestured at one of the waiting staff. "I'll have the house chardonnay please." She turned back to her friends. "I see you've started without me." She eyed their brightly coloured cocktails.

"Well, you are 20 minutes late. What happened, had a quickie before you left did you?" Pene teased, winking at her as she took a sip of her neon green drink.

Emily felt a wave of heat travelled up from her neck to her face. Damn her fair skin.

"Oh my God." JJ stared at her incredulously. "You didn't."

"Hang on," she said, "I thought you weren't going to grill me about the guy."

"I'm pretty sure we're grilling you about sex at the moment, peaches. So no walking out."

Emily glared at them. "Fine, I had a quickie, which is why I was late. Are you satisfied?"

"Oh, sweetie, you might well be, and you sure do look it, but _we're_ no way near satisfied." Pene had a wicked gleam in her eye. "Come on, Em, we're two practically old married women, we have to live vicariously through you. Give us something. Anything," she pleaded.

Emily's chardonnay arrived and she took a sip.

"Come on, Emily, you can't not tell us about this guy. He's the first guy you've dated in like, what a year?" JJ took a sip of her pink cocktail. "You know we're going to find out sooner or later."

Emily sighed. "All right, but I'm not giving you his name. I don't want Pene to investigate him and tell me he's got a fetish for wearing women's underwear or something."

Pene gave her an affronted look. "I would so not do anything like that." At Emily's raised eyebrow, she relented. "Okay, okay, I would. But only because I'm looking out for you."

"I know, sweetie." Emily took a couple of sips of her chardonnay, pausing a moment when a faint wave of nausea came over her. She put her hand on her stomach, wondering what was wrong with her. She had felt fine during lunch and dinner. It seemed to only come when she drank coffee, so she had actually changed over to tea the last couple of weeks.

"You all right, Em?" JJ looked concerned.

The nausea dissipated. "I'm fine. Just felt a bit off just then." Emily shrugged. "Now, what should I tell you." She almost laughed out loud when they both leaned forward eagerly. "Let's see. He's tall, dark and handsome. And brooding, definitely, brooding." She tried to stifle a grin.

"Aw, come on, Em, be serious!" whined Pene.

"I _am _serious! He really is tall, dark and handsome."

They looked at her suspiciously. "What does he do?"

"Same as us, well, I mean he's in law enforcement." She thought it best to try to stick as close to the truth as she could, without giving his identity away, of course. "But that's all I'm saying about his job."

"And..." Pene looked at her with anticipation.

"What?" Emily took a sip of her chardonnay, more cautiously this time. Nothing. Maybe the earlier nausea was just a weird one-off thing. She took another two sips. Yep, she was good.

"From the looks of you, one doesn't need to be a profiler to know Mr Tall, Dark, Handsome and Brooding is pretty good in the sack."

"Hmm...I don't think I should say anything about that." It crossed her mind that if she said anything about this and they later found out, well, it could be kind of awkward. For Hotch anyway. She was more than happy for the team to know his expertise in the bedroom equalled his expertise in profiling. That was probably an understatement.

"Pleeeeese, Em, tell us, pleeeeeeeeeese."

Emily finished her chardonnay. It was a very nice one. Which was good because it was probably going to cost her at least twenty bucks. She looked at her friends. "He's," she couldn't help smiling, "unbelievably, incredibly, stupendously amazing in bed."

"How amazing?" Pene's eyes were almost as big as her glasses. JJ mouth was parted in an O.

"Well, let's put it this way, he doesn't need a navigator or Google maps to find the g-spot. And ladies, if you haven't experienced it yet, you better get your man on to it."

There was complete silence from her friends. Emily liked to think it was awe, but it was probably more like envy. She waved to the waiter that served her before and pointed to their glasses for refills.

"Okay, you now _have_ to tell us his name, because I'm sending Will to him for navigation lessons. I mean Will's got an amazing tongue but..." JJ flushed bright red when she realised what she had just said.

Emily and Pene burst out in laughter.

"Ohmigod, I cannot believe I just said that. If Will ever finds out he will kill me." JJ was so flustered she gulped down a third of her cocktail in one hit.

"JJ, you are like the cheapest drunk in D.C.! You haven't even finished that cocktail yet." Emily was still laughing at her friend.

The waiter arrived with their drinks and Emily smiled at him as he swiped her credit card.

"So, tell us more about this mystery man, Em. How old is he, has he got a hot bod, how well endowed is he, you know, the basic details." Pene pulled her second drink closer, pulling out the cherry and popping it into her mouth.

Emily shook her head. She sipped her chardonnay slowly, enjoying the crisp lemony notes in it. She must remember to find out the name of the chardonnay before she left. She was sure that Hotch would like it too. "Somehow, I just knew you were going to ask about his you-know-what. That's one thing I am definitely not going to discuss, much as I love the both of you."

Pene turned to JJ. "He's endowed." They both said this at the exact same time, then burst out laughing.

"Will you two get your minds out of the gutter? I'm starting to feel like I'm back in high school."

"Lucky we're not, because I would have had to work 6 hours just to pay for a soft drink here." JJ took a sip of her drink and looked around. "This place is crazy busy."

"I know, there're definitely some high faluting people here. Isn't that SAC Petersson over there?" Pene squinted at the fair-haired man three tables over.

Emily and JJ craned their heads.

"I've said this before, and I'll say it again. That man is hot, as in capital H-O-T. He sort of reminds me of that blonde vampire guy in True Blood. Ni-ce," Emily murmured, giving a nod of approval.

"I didn't think you liked the Nordic looking ones. And anyway, I thought you were in a relationship," JJ retorted.

None of them had taken their eyes of Agent Petersson, who looked like he had stepped out of the pages of GQ. If they hadn't known better, they would've sworn he was a banker. A rich one. His suit looked like they were tailor made for his physique, which would have made Derek weep.

"I didn't say I was in a relationship. All I said was I was having amazing sex."

At this comment, both sets of eyes came back to her.

"Okay, to be honest, I have no idea what it is I'm doing. We haven't spoken about our relationship, or whether it's actually a relationship. I know he really cares about me and I," she paused, wondering if she should tell her two closest friends. "I love him."

"Oh, Em." Pene looked like she was about to cry.

"He hasn't said he loves you?" JJ reached across to give her hand a squeeze.

"No, but I'm not worried about that. It's...complicated," she sighed.

"Maybe if you tell us, we can help you figure it out." Pene looked at her, her eyes filled with concern.

"Thanks, sweetie, you're both wonderful, but trust me, it isn't something that you'll be able to figure out for me. I have to sort things out myself. But I'll be okay, really." Emily finished the last of her chardonnay. "I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back."

"Do you want us to go with you?"

"No, no, I'll be fine. Remember I managed to take Derek down at our last sparring session. Ha, he's not going to forget that in a hurry." She gave them both a wink before she started to weave her way through the tables.

The bathrooms were difficult to find, to say the least, hidden in a rabbit warren of hallways, the majority of which led to private function rooms. It didn't help that there were rows of mirrors on the walls, creating a dizzying effect.

"For goodness sake," she muttered to herself, when she took the wrong turn for a second time on the way back. She doubled back, then had to stop when a wave of dizziness suddenly overcame her. She swayed and was reaching out to brace her hand on the wall, when she felt an arm grab her around the waist, pulling her forward. She fell against a male body and her nose was immediately assaulted by the heavy scent of cigars and alcohol. Emily felt her stomach heave.

"Well, well, who do we have here? My goodness, what a coincidence. I do believe it's Agent Prentiss."

Emily stiffened. Even in the state she was in, she recognised the voice immediately. It was Acting Chief Johnson. Damn it, what were the chances? She tried to step back, but his arm remained against her back, preventing her from moving.

"Ch-Chief Johnson." She looked up at him, cursing the nausea which was churning heavily in her stomach and affecting her thought processes. At least her dizziness appeared to have disappeared.

"You're looking very attractive tonight, Emily." He licked his lips, his bleary eyes staring straight down her blouse. She shuddered inwardly.

"Thank you, sir. I, uh, was a little dizzy, just then. But I'm fine now." Again she tried to step back, but to her dismay, his arms actually tightened and he pulled her closer. To her horror, she could feel his body's reaction to her. She felt another wave of nausea hit her. What was she going to do?

"Been drinking, have you Emily? Tsk, tsk, that's not a very commendable thing for an experienced agent like you to be doing. I might just have to write you up." He bent down and nuzzled her neck. Emily's hands came up and pushed against his chest as hard as she could. His arms were like steel bands around her and she felt panic rise within her. She could take him down but at what cost to her career? She almost laughed at the fleeting thought of all the worry she and Hotch had expended on the consequences their relationship might have on their professional lives. She probably didn't need to worry any more after this.

"Sir, this is extremely inappropriate, please let me go," she said as firmly as she could.

He barely heard her and she breathed in sharply when she felt him press his open mouth against her neck, his hot breath in her ear. Oh God, she _had_ to get away, right now. She lifted her right foot and ground her heel down hard on his foot, pushing at him at the same time.

"Aargh!" Johnson stumbled backwards, his arms loosening in surprised pain.

Panting, Emily fell back hard against the wall from the momentum.

His face flushed red with anger and alcohol, he lunged forward and caught her arm. She cried out at the pain of his tight grip.

"How dare you, Prentiss! Your career at the bureau is over, you hear me? Over!"

"If my career is over, so is yours, Chief Johnson. I'm going to bring the biggest sexual harassment suit the FBI has ever seen." Emily stared defiantly into his enraged eyes.

"Oh really?" His voice became menacingly quiet. At his next words, Emily's heart stopped in her chest. "I don't think so, because if you even mention a word about this to anyone, anyone at all, I will make your boyfriend's life a living hell."

She stared at him, shocked into silence.

"How did I know you were sleeping with Agent Hotchner?" He laughed coldly, his hand tightening on her arm. Emily didn't even flinch at the pain that shot through her. Surely this was all a nightmare. She was going to wake up any second now. "I saw the both of you in the car outside Guillame's. He couldn't keep his hands off you, and I thought to myself, this can't be Hotchner, but it was. I ran the plates, just to be sure. He's a lucky man, having a hot piece like you spread your legs for him."

Emily stared at him numbly, her mind sluggish from shock and pain.

"All you had to do was be friendly to me like you are to him. That's not too much to ask is it?" He pulled her closer, bending his head towards her. Emily closed her eyes, but to her surprise, his lips never touched her. He released her suddenly and stepped back. She opened her eyes when she heard the sound of voices approaching.

"Remember, Prentiss, one word, and Hotchner's career is history. I'll make sure he will never be employable in any law enforcement job for the rest of his working life."

She slumped against the wall, and slowly sank down to the floor. She didn't know how long she was sitting there until she heard her name being called.

"Em? Em?"

"Oh my God! Emily!"

She looked dazedly at JJ and Pene. She felt their arms around her, gently helping her upright.

"What happened? Sweetheart, tell us what happened to you?" Pene's worried voice finally registered.

"I...there was this drunk guy and..." She shook her head. "It was nothing, I managed to fight him off."

"I'm going to kill him." JJ looked fierce. "There must be cameras in this place. We'll find him, Em. He's going to pay."

"No, no," Emily answered weakly. They can't know. She was not going to jeopardise their careers as well. "It was just this drunk young guy, he couldn't have been more than 22. Just forget it."

"Emily, you're hurt. Look at your arm." Pene gestured towards it.

She glanced down and saw that there was an unmistakable impression of a hand print on her arm. It was already starting to darken. Vaguely the thought crossed her mind that she would have to make sure she wore clothes to cover it up. If Hotch saw it, he would go off his face. Of that she had no doubt at all. And then she wouldn't be able to hide what had happened from him. She had no defences at all where he was concerned.

Another wave of dizziness overwhelmed her.

"Whoa." She saw Pene and JJ exchange worried looks. "Come on, chicky, we're getting you to the ER to get you checked out."

"No, I'm fine, really, it's just a delayed reaction, that's all." Secretly, though, she knew it wasn't. She was still feeling nauseous and extremely light-headed.

"Don't argue with us," ordered JJ firmly. "Oh thank God."

"What – " Emily turned her head to see who JJ was waving at. _Oh no._

"Chief Petersson, over here."

He walked up to them, frowning when he took in the scene before him. "Are you ladies all right?"

Emily wanted to sink through the ground in embarrassment. She hated being seen to be vulnerable in any way in front of another agent. The fact that he was a Special Agent in Charge, an equivalent rank to Strauss, _and_ was also an extremely attractive man, made things even worse. Not that she wanted to attract or impress him, but still, she had her pride. Even in the miserable state of feeling she was in.

"Agent Prentiss is unwell and we need some assistance to get her outside. We can catch a cab to the hospital from there," explained JJ.

Emily finally dredged up enough courage to look at him. She saw his sharp eyes focus on the marks on her arm, but to his credit, he said nothing about it.

"Nonsense, I can take you to the ER. My SUV is right outside. Agent Prentiss, I'm going to lift you up, now, all right?" His voice was gentle, as if he could sense her vulnerability.

She nodded, not trusting her voice at that moment. He put one arm around her shoulders and bending down, lifted her up beneath her knees, as if her not insubstantial weight was a sack of feathers. She slipped her arm around his neck, breathing a sigh of relief as he headed down towards the back exit, seeming to know his way around. She wasn't sure how she would have faced the crowd in the bar if she had had to be carried out through there.

* * *

><p>"Ms Prentiss, I'm Doctor Stephens. What seems to be the problem?" The ER doctor was a female doctor in her thirties, sporting long, corkscrew curls and a clipped British accent.<p>

Emily was glad JJ and Pene were in the waiting room, rather than in here with her. She didn't want to have to have to tell her made up story to the doctor. It had been hard enough enduring Agent Petersson's penetrating pale grey eyes. She just wasn't up to dealing with an alpha male in her current state. Once they had reached the hospital, Petersson again carried Emily inside despite her protests that she was feeling much better. He lingered around until JJ assured him that they would all be fine, only leaving after JJ promised him that she would let him know how Emily was.

Emily gave her a brief outline of what had happened while Dr Stephens took her blood pressure and then listened to her heartbeat.

"So the first time you had nausea was when he grabbed you?" She jotted her findings on the chart.

"Well, no, I felt some nausea earlier during the evening, when I have having some wine."

"No nausea before today?"

"No. I mean yes, but that was only when I was drinking coffee. It went away after I changed over to tea."

Dr Stephens paused in her note taking and looked at Emily. "So you experienced nausea when you were drinking coffee and wine. Any dizziness before today?"

"No."

"Have your breasts been tender?"

"No."

"Have you been finding that you're having to urinate more often than usual?"

Emily frowned. Why was she asking these questions? "Umm..." she thought about the last question. "Yes, actually, especially in the morning."

"And you're sexually active?"

"Yes." _Very._

"Ms Prentiss, Emily. May I call you Emily?"

"Yes, of course." Emily felt her pulse speed up at the look in the doctor's eyes. What was wrong?

"Emily, I want you to think carefully before you answer. Is it possible that you might be pregnant?"

"Absolutely not!" came her immediate reply. "That's not possible. I've been taking my pill faithfully. I haven't missed a single dose."

"And you haven't missed any of your periods?"

"No."

Dr Stephens made a note on the chart. "Your last period was normal?"

Emily paused, trying to recall. "It was lighter than usual. And shorter."

"Emily, I have to say from what you've told me, I think there's a distinct possibility that you may be pregnant."

Emily opened her mouth to protest, but the doctor held up her hand to stop her. "All right, let's go through your symptoms. You have had nausea when you've drunk coffee and alcohol, had to pee more often than usual, had dizzy spells and your last period was abnormally light. I'm going to give you a couple of pregnancy tests to pee on and then we'll talk again afterwards, okay?"

Emily stared at the doctor, speechless for the second time that night.

Dr Stephens looked at her with concern. "Do you want me to bring your friends in?"

"Yes please."

"The toilet is just through that door. I'll go get your friends."

Emily stared at the two sticks in her hands. Everything felt so surreal. She wasn't even sure how to feel anymore. The evening had been an emotional rollercoaster of highs and super lows, and now she was flying high again.

Because the tests were positive. She was pregnant. With Aaron's baby. She could barely process the thought. But her heart knew how to feel. She was pregnant! When she never expected that her dream to be a mother would ever come true. To have a baby grow within her, to give birth to him or her, to have he or she depend on her for everything. The responsibility took her breath away. And yet, a baby. A baby with her eyes and his smile. She had only found out she was pregnant two minutes ago and she was already fiercely protective of this fragile life within her. She put her hand on her stomach. She didn't have to think about what she wanted to do. She wanted this completely unplanned baby. She was already falling in love with it. How could she not, when she already loved its father with every fiber of her being?

"Em? Are you okay?" JJ's voice was soft.

Emily put her hand on the door handle, then taking a deep breath, opened it.

"Hi."

"Sweetpea, you're crying, what's wrong?" Pene cried out.

"Nothing, nothing's wrong. In fact, everything's right." She looked at her friends, then reached her hands out to them. They each took hold of one hand, looking at her with concern and love on their faces. She smiled at them tearfully. "I'm pregnant."

Pene gave a loud squeal and enfolded Emily in her arms. A split second later, JJ joined in and they stood there, holding each other in a tight hug. After a while, they drew apart.

"Oh my goodness, Em. How far along are you?" JJ asked her, holding her hand for support.

"I don't know, somewhere around 10 weeks?" She even knew when it had happened. It must have been the night when Hotch had bared his soul to her. They must have made love at least five times in that 24 hour period.

"You didn't suspect it?"

"No, I didn't, or I won't have drunk those two glasses of chardonnay, tonight. Oh God," she moaned, "I'm already like the worst mom in the world."

"Two glasses aren't going to hurt the baby, don't worry. And you are going to be an amazing mom, you'll see."

"Are you going to tell the daddy?" Pene asked, her voice quiet.

"Yes, I will. I just...have to get my head around it first. I know I want to keep it, but I really don't know what he's going to say. We haven't even talked about making any sort of commitment to each other so this isn't really the best way to start."

"Em, whatever happens, you know that JJ and I are here for you. And in any case, I already have a plan in place if things don't work out with Mr Tall, Dark and Brooding. We can line up Agent Petersson as back up Daddy. He was tres, tres amazing just now and he's uber hot to boot."

Emily couldn't help smiling. "Thanks, Pene. You've always got my back and I love you so much for that. You too, JJ. You're the best friends any girl could ever wish for."

They hugged again.

"Now, can you help me call Dr Stephens back in so I can talk to her about what I need to do next."

By the time Emily got home that night, she was exhausted. But even after a long hot shower and a glass of warm milk she was still unable to sleep. Her thoughts jumped back and forth between her encounter with Johnson and her pregnancy, leaving her emotions jumbled and her nerves in a wreck. She was thankful that Hotch was going to be away for a few days as she had no idea right now how she was going to tell him about the pregnancy. She knew he won't abandon her and the baby, he wasn't the type to shirk responsibility. But she didn't want him to stay with her out of responsibility, she wanted him to stay because he loved her.

She heard her phone buzz. It was a message from Hotch. Tears filled her eyes as she read it.

_ Hi sweetheart, hope you had a nice time with the girls. I haven't even left DC and I miss you already. The bed feels empty without you. I can't wait to see you on Thursday. Maybe if I'm lucky enough I'll see you in my dreams before then. A._

She knew it was wishful thinking, but surely this was a message written by someone who loved her. _It's all right, sweetie_, she whispered, rubbing her still flat stomach. _Everything's going to work out with your daddy. Mommy's going to make sure of it._

**Please do leave me a review if you can. Angst filled chapter next!**_  
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	12. Since I Lost You

**Here's the next chapter, everyone. Please let me know your thoughts.**

**NB: Just so you know, the 2011 Profiler's Choice CM Awards nomination ballot has been posted on the Chit Chat on Author's Corner CM Forum. Please check it out to vote for your favourite authors and stories, there are 47 categories, so lots to nominate if you are keen.  
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**Since I Lost You sung by Genesis, copyright Atlantic/Virgin Records**

* * *

><p><em>It seems in a moment, your whole world can shatter<br>Like morning dreams they just disappear  
>Like dust in your hand falling to the floor<br>How can life ever be the same_

_Cos my heart is broken in pieces_  
><em>Yes my heart is broken in pieces<em>  
><em>Since you've been gone<em>

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><p>Hotch groaned when he saw the email he had just received. His desk was piled high with reports and possible consults from the three days he had been absent and now Acting Chief Johnson wanted to see him. It didn't help that he had barely gotten any sleep last night after reuniting with Emily. She had practically leapt upon him the moment he had walked through the door. He had been thankful then that he had asked Jess to keep Jack for another night as his flight had been delayed till late.<p>

They had both been insatiable. It was as if they had been apart for three months, rather than three days. He couldn't even remember exactly how many times they had made love. It had to be at least four, maybe five. No wonder he was feeling rather light-headed this morning. He was completely drained. In more ways than one. He suddenly realised he was grinning like an idiot. He quickly looked up. No one was around, thank goodness.

He sighed. Better go and see what Johnson wanted. He was unpleasant enough to deal with normally. But his email demanding that Hotch come see him was bordering on rude. Hotch wondered if he should just take a long period of leave which he had accumulated over the past few years. Maybe by the time he came back, Strauss would be back in charge and he won't have to deal with Johnson.

He knocked on Johnson's door. "Sir, you wanted to see me?"

"Take a seat, Agent Hotchner." Johnson's voice was cold. And yet oddly enough, his eyes looked heated.

Hotch took a seat in front of him. He was starting to get a really bad feeling. He hadn't had this feeling since JJ came in and told him that Foyet had escaped from prison. And his gut was never wrong. He felt his palms start to sweat. "Is there a problem, sir?"

Johnson looked at him silently.

Hotch felt a ball of anxiety form in the pit of his stomach, cold and heavy. Yet nothing showed outwardly, his face impassive. Whatever happened, Johnson was not going to see how he felt. He had a sudden flashback of himself as a child having the same thought as his father approached him with the belt.

Johnson finally spoke. "It has come to my attention that you have been engaging in inappropriate behaviour with one of your subordinates."

Every cell in Hotch's body froze. How in the hell did Johnson find out? He and Emily had been so careful. They barely ate out, and the couple of times they did, Hotch had driven an extraordinary distance to a restaurant a long way away. Even when they took Jack out, they went out of their way to find a park or playground which wasn't near work or their homes.

"I beg your pardon, sir? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't pull that shit with me Hotchner. I saw the two of you with my own eyes outside Guilliame's. You couldn't even keep your hands off each other, it was disgusting."

Hotch's nostrils flared when he saw the excitement in Johnson's eyes. Far from being disgusted, he had been turned on. Hotch felt sick. It had been Emily's birthday and he wanted to take her somewhere special. So he had picked the hot new French restaurant that he had seen the critics rave on about in the paper. He figured that being more than 40 miles away, it was safe enough. Emily had had such a great time that she couldn't wait till they got home to show him her appreciation. There had only been kissing in the car, nothing else, but that didn't matter now. He couldn't believe they hadn't noticed Johnson there.

"Sir, I can explain." Hotch kept his voice steady.

Johnson smiled coldly, malice in his eyes. "Oh, I'm sure I'd love to hear this. What, she came onto you and you couldn't resist? Or maybe it's a case of duress. She wanted you and you had to say yes because she threatened to charge you with sexual harassment otherwise. Or maybe she's blackmailing you. Do explain, Hotchner."

"It's not like that, sir," Hotch answered tightly. He hoped Johnson couldn't hear the strain in his voice. "I admit that Agent Prentiss and I are in a relationship, and it's against the anti-fraternisation rules, but it's nothing you have to worry about, sir. We're working on a solution as we speak."

"You're damn right I have nothing to worry about. Because immediately after this meeting, you will be telling Agent Prentiss that you are breaking up with her."

Hotch was motionless. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. "I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me. You will end your relationship with Agent Prentiss immediately. I will not tolerate any insubordination in this matter. The bureau's rules are clear. No fraternisation." Johnson leaned back in his seat, a smile of satisfaction appearing on his face. "I'm actually surprised at your actions, Agent Hotchner. I thought you would be above reproach. But obviously I was wrong. Granted, Prentiss is a hot piece of ass. If I had had the chance, I'd have taken her too. In every way possible." His eyes glittered with pleasure.

Never in his life had Hotch felt such anger. The ball of anxiety had metamorphosised into a ball of heat, hotter and stronger than the sun itself. He never understood what the phrase 'red haze of anger' meant, until right this minute. He envisioned his hand going to his holster, removing his gun and shooting Johnson right between his eyes. His hand had actually started moving when Johnson started speaking again. Hotch's hand stilled.

"Did you hear me, Hotchner? I expect you to break up with Prentiss immediately or there will be consequences. But you see, _you_ will not be the recipient of the misfortune. It will be poor Agent Prentiss who will suffer. If I don't hear by tomorrow that you have ended your relationship, I will have no choice but to transfer her to our field office in Alaska. And if you think I'm not serious, I have the transfer request right here on my desk, ready to go. Let's see how long your _relationship_ lasts then."

Hotch was speechless. He didn't dare move. Because if he did, he was going to leap across the desk and choke the life out of his superior. His hands gripped the armrests of the chair so hard that pain shot through his fingers. But he barely felt it.

"And if either of you consider quitting, I will do everything in my power to make sure that all you'll ever get is a desk job in the arse end of hell. That's all, Agent Hotchner. Report back to me tomorrow." Johnson gave him a dismissive wave and turned his chair around to face his computer screen.

Hotch didn't know how long he sat there, staring at the back of Johnson's chair. He forced himself to breathe deeply, trying to knit together the shredded remains of his self-control. He finally stood up stiffly and walked slowly out the room.

Reid came up to ask him a question when he walked past the bullpen, but backed away when he saw the expression on Hotch's face.

"Reid, tell everyone I'm not to be disturbed for the rest of the day. Not for anything. Do you understand?" Hotch barely recognised his own voice. It was flat, in a monotone. Completely expressionless.

"Uh, yes, sir." Reid stared at him with wide eyes as he walked into his office and shut the door.

* * *

><p>Hotch stood outside Emily's door, staring the dull gold numbering. His heart was beating too fast and his mouth was dry, but otherwise he was fine. Because a numbness seemed to have enveloped his entire being, including his heart. There was no pain at all, so what he was about to do should be easy, right? Except he knew he was about to hurt Emily. This was going to devastate her. And he was going to be the cause of it. He closed his eyes briefly when he thought of the voicemail she had left on his cell.<p>

_"Hi honey, drop by tonight after work. I have a surprise for you which I hope you'll like. I didn't see you at work, I hope everything's okay. Can't wait to see you. Bye."_

He had done no work at all today, instead spending hours going through his conversation with Johnson again and again. He had considered every alternative, explored every avenue, but he couldn't find a solution. Or maybe he was just blind to one. All he knew was that he couldn't be the cause of Emily losing her career. If it wasn't for Jack, he would have said to hell with his job. Yes, it was more than a job to him, but Emily was more important. He knew though that if Johnson decided to blacken his name, he would not be able to get even a look in on a decent job, government or private. He had to stay here because he still needed Jess' help. He was at his wits' end.

And now he was going to be the object of Emily's hate.

He might as well as this over with. He lifted his hand and knocked on the door. It opened to reveal Emily's smiling face. She was dressed in a loose cashmere jumper with a wide neck and black jeans, the loose curls of her hair framing her face. She was beautiful.

"Aaron!" She stood on tiptoe and kissed him. He closed his eyes, feeling her soft lips on his. He desperately tried to imprint the taste, the smell, the feel of her in his long term memory. This would be the last time he would ever kiss her again. Or hold her. A sharp pain pierced through the numbness at the thought.

"Come in."

He followed her in, swallowing hard when he caught sight of the carefully laid dining table with candles and even a small arrangement of flowers. He could smell something baking in the oven. She had been expecting him for dinner. God, how could he do this to her? But he knew he had to. Even if doing so meant that she would hate him forever.

"Want some wine?" She walked into the kitchen towards the glasses sitting on the counter.

He followed her, trying to find the right words to start. Any words. But his mind was blank.

"Aaron?" She gave him a questioning look, which changed to concern. "What's wrong?"

"Emily..." His voice trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to do it. To watch the light in her eyes die out. Maybe they could just both resign and move to another state, Nevada maybe, he had a friend in a commercial law practice there.

"Aaron, you're freaking me out. Say something." She came up to him and took his hands. "What's wrong. Whatever it is, you can tell me, we can work it out." Her eyes delved into his, trying to find out what was bothering him.

He shook his head.

"What is it? Okay, if you don't start saying something soon I'm going to think you've either found out you've got a fatal tumor or you're here to break up with me."

His breath stilled in his chest at her words. He could do nothing but stare at her wordlessly.

The teasing smile that was on her face slowly faded when she saw the look on his face. Dropping his hands, she unconsciously took a step back.

"Y..you want to break up with me?"

"Emily, I've been thinking and I just don't think this is going to work out. We can't continue to hide it from the team and once they find out, everyone will." He stopped, jaw working, trying to contain his emotions. Unfortunately the layer of numbness that was protecting him was disappearing. He forced himself to continue looking into her eyes, which were filled with disbelief. "It's over, Emily."

"I just don't understand. What, you went into work this morning and thought, wow, I have so much work I have to catch up on that I don't know where to start. Wait, I know, how about I break up with Emily." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

"It wasn't like that and you know it." His chest was so tight he couldn't breathe.

"I don't think I know anything right now. You came over last night, and we spent what I thought was an incredible night together, and then now you're saying you want to end this relationship, if it was ever even a relationship."

"We did have a relationship, Emily, you don't have to question that." This part was at least true. "I did a lot of thinking while I was away, it wasn't something that just came into my head today."

Her mouth was open and she stared at him. "You've been thinking about breaking up with me? So what was last night?"

He clenched his jaw, willing his face to remain impassive. He had to make her believe the lie. "Last night shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake."

She shook her head in disbelief, pain radiating from her eyes. "Oh really? Which time was it a mistake, the first, the second, the fourth? You're right, it was a mistake. If you had already decided to break up with me, you probably shouldn't have come over and fucked my brains out!"

Hotch flinched. He deserved every bitter word that she had uttered. And more.

"What I really don't understand is how you think that the fact that we're no longer in a relationship is going to help us at work? Were you planning to go back to the way things were? Because I've got a newsflash for you. It's not. In fact, right now, I can't even think about working with you."

"Emily, if we continued with this relationship, you would have gotten transferred. I am not going to do that to you. I know how much you love the BAU."

"Please Hotch, give me some credit." He felt his heart clench in pain. She didn't even notice that she had stopped using his first name. "I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. You don't have to protect me." Her face was pale but set. "If you're breaking up with me to protect your own career, just be a man and tell me the truth. I can take it."

Maybe he should just say that. Maybe then she would believe him and it will all be over. And there was a kernel of truth in there. He lived for his job. When it all came down to the line, who he have sacrificed it to be with Emily? His heart shouted out a resounding yes. But it wasn't all about him, he had Jack to care for as well. "I can't give up the BAU, Emily, you know this was who I am when you agreed to give this relationship a chance. We gave it a good try, but it all keeps coming back to the fact that unless one of us gives up our position, it will never work. And I will never ask you to make that sacrifice." His chest felt so tight that he could barely breathe.

She was silent for a long time. "Well, I think that we've said all we can about this. I presume you'll have no objections if I took the rest of the week off to think about my options." She stood there stiffly, looking like she would shatter at the slightest touch. Hotch had to clench his hands hard to stop himself from reaching out for her.

"No, of course not."

"You'll forgive me if I don't see you out." She turned around and started to walk away.

"Emily, wait!" He had to ask her not to quit her job, at least, not yet. He grabbed hold of arm, shocked to hear her soft cry of pain. What the hell? He released her immediately, walking over to stand in front of her. Before she could protest he pulled the stretchy neck of her jumper down her arm. He breathed in sharply when he saw the ugly purple bruises in an unmistakable pattern. He hadn't seen them last night as Emily had persuaded him that she preferred the dark. Now he knew why. "Who did this to you?" His voice was ominously quiet.

She didn't reply, her face turned away from him.

"Why didn't you tell me you'd been hurt?" At her continued silence, his frustration grew. Anger coursed through him. "Emily, tell me who it is or I'll have to find out myself. And you don't want me doing that."

At those words, she turned back to meet his eyes. "I didn't tell you because it was nothing, just some drunk at the bar grabbing me. And you have no right to be concerned, I believe you lost that right about 15 minutes ago. So please stop with the alpha male protective mode because I am not your mate, or even your friend." Her lips trembled and tears glistened in her eyes. "Please go, Hotch. Please, just go."

He stared at her, his heart breaking, knowing he was breaking her heart. "I'm so sorry, Emily."

A few seconds later he was standing motionless outside her closed door. He turned to go, then changed his mind and lifted his hand impulsively to knock but stopped himself just before his knuckles made contact with the door. What was he going to say? Nothing. There was nothing he could say or do. His hand uncurled and he rested it, palm flat against her door, as if by doing so he somehow transmit how he really felt for her. Because ironically, it was during this most painful conversation in his life in letting her go that he had realised he was in love with her.

**I think my heart broke too when I was writing this chapter. Please write me a review if you can. As an incentive, reviewer #200 gets a oneshot!  
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	13. How Do I Live

**Thank you all very much for your reviews for the last chapter. There was a lot of anger, shock, outrage and sadness. I'm truly sorry if you experienced a negative emotion, it wasn't meant to be an easy chapter to read. Yet, if I'm really honest, I'm also amazed that the mere words I put on that screen before you has produced the emotions that you experienced. It was a very difficult process for me trying to describe in words the pain and anguish I felt on behalf of my characters. So no matter how good or bad you thought that chapter was, I thank you for reading.**

**This chapter was always part of the plot I had for this fic from the beginning, and I will warn you now that it is another heartbreaking one (5 tears rating at least). So please feel free to skip it and wait for the next if you have already gotten your fill of angst : ) You'll still get the gist of what happened.**

**How Do I Live by Leanne Rimes, lyrics copyright Curb Records  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Without you<br>There'd be no sun in my sky  
>There would be no love in my life<br>There'd be no world left for me  
>And I<br>Baby I don't know what I would do  
>I'd be lost if I lost you<br>If you ever leave  
>Baby you would take away everything real in my life<em>

_And tell me now_  
><em>How do I live without you<em>  
><em>I want to know<em>  
><em>How do I breathe without you<em>  
><em>If you ever go<em>  
><em>How do I ever, ever survive<em>  
><em>How do I, how do I, oh how do I live<em>

* * *

><p>JJ looked up at hearing a soft knock on her open door. It was Pene, a worried frown on her face.<p>

"Have you got a minute, JJ?"

"Sure, what's up?"

Pene came in and perched on one of her visitor seats. "I'm really worried about Emily."

JJ sighed. "I know, I am too."

"I thought she took last week off to work things out with her man but she told me this morning that it didn't work out. But she didn't want to talk about it."

"That's what she said to me too."

"What can we do, JJ? We have to do something. She just looks so pale and sad and it's not good for her or the baby!"

"I don't know if we can do anything, really, Pene, sad as it is, she needs time to get over it. We've both told her that we're here for her though, so she knows."

"You know what, if I ever find Mr Tall, Dark and Total Bastard, I'm going to fry his nuts in hot oil then crush them in my nutcracker." She looked almost gleeful when she made a squeezing motion with her hands as she spoke. "I can't believe he broke up with her! And abandoning the baby, oooh! If I knew who he was I'd wipe out his 401(k) and make him have a credit rating equivalent to that of a convicted con artist." Now she just looked fierce.

"While you're there you can give him a fake conviction for child molesting," added JJ, feeling angry on Emily's behalf. She really couldn't believe there was a man out there, who, having gotten to know Emily, would even consider rejecting her. And the fact that he would actually reject the woman carrying his child. Pene was right, he was a total bastard.

"Wow, great idea, JJ. I didn't think you had it in you! Now I think the best bet in tracking him down would be to hack into Emily's cell usage. I can't do that here, though, I'll have to do it from home. Seeing that it's kinda illegal." Pene whispered the last word, despite the fact she had closed the door when she came in.

Just then JJ's cell vibrated. She picked it up and sighed. "Consult."

They gathered with the others in their conference room. JJ immediately saw that Emily was sitting quietly at the end of the table, slightly apart from others. She had been extraordinarily quiet since she had come back from her one week's leave. JJ had no idea how Emily was even coping after all that had happened. First there was the bar episode, then finding out she was pregnant, and then finding out the guy she was in love with no longer wanted to be with her. JJ knew her powers of compartmentalisation was incredible, but the fact that she was sitting there looking composed blew JJ's mind away. She was worried though, that the strain of holding it all in would cause Emily to have some sort of a break down. And that would not be good.

She looked up as Hotch spoke. "I've been contacted by a Detective Chung from the Boston PD. He believes that they have managed to apprehend the group responsible for the series of robbery and murders over the last two months. The three suspects haven't said a single word since their arrest 36 hours ago, so Detective Chung has asked for our help in interrogating them due to the high media profile of the case. We're going to team up and interview the suspects. Reid, you're with me, JJ you're with Morgan, and Dave, you're with Prentiss. Wheels up in 30."

JJ started to leave the room with the others then realised she had forgotten the phone. As she turned back she happened to glance at Hotch who was looking towards the door. The agonised pain in his eyes startled her enough to look around to see whom the object of his gaze was. Her eyes widened when she saw that Emily was the last person walking out the door, her face pale and lips pressed tightly together. JJ turned to looked back at Hotch, but he was no longer looking at Emily, instead gathering up his belongings from the conference table.

After picking up her phone, she walked out of the room slowly, the wheels turning furiously in her mind. She kept her eyes on both Emily and Hotch after they boarded the jet, but both of them seemed to be studiously avoiding looking at each other. JJ took a seat near the back of the plane so that she could have a good view of both of them. She frowned. Surely she hadn't imagined the look on Hotch's face earlier.

"Hey." Derek slipped into the seat beside her.

"Hey."

"What's up with the deep in thought look on your face."

"Nothing, who wants to know?" She tried to keep her face as blank as possible.

He flashed her a grin. "So you and me, huh?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Me and you what?"

"Hey, whoa." He held out his hands, grinning. "I was not thinking of anything dirty. Just wanted to talk some strategy with you, cos I was thinking if we can break our suspect first, I'll be able to brag about it to Reid and Prentiss for the rest of the week."

JJ rolled her eyes. "Why am I not surprised."

They spent the next 20 minutes talking about the case and a number of methods they could use in the interrogation, depending on how the suspect's demeanour was and who it was they got.

Derek leaned back on the headrest, looking in Hotch's direction. "What do you think is going on with Hotch? He's been acting even more Hotch-like than usual this week."

JJ tried not to look surprised, as she happened to be staring at Hotch too. Hotch was currently deep in conversation with Rossi. Emily was at the other end of the jet to JJ, earbuds in, listening to the ipod, her hand resting on her stomach. Only JJ knew the significance of that pose, and her heart clenched in pity for her friend. She realised Derek was still waiting for an answer. "I don't know, he's been working his ass off for Johnson so I guess maybe he's feeling the pressure."

"No, it's not that. He's been feeling the pressure for the last three months. But he seemed to have handled it ok the last two months. I think I even saw him crack a smile with Emily and Dave a couple of times. Last week was bad, though. Surely you noticed."

She had indeed noticed. Hotch was as Derek put it, more himself than he had been till recent times. His face was not just its usual impassive facade, it seemed almost mask like, barely moving when he spoke. Not that he spoken much to them. He had avoided the team, shutting the door to his office while he worked, which was unlike him. Worst of all, JJ had noticed that his eyes looked empty, like he was lost. She looked at Emily again, seeing the corresponding look of lifelessness on her face.

"JJ, why are you looking at Emily?"

Oh crap, she had completely forgotten about Derek. "Sorry, my mind wandered off and I started thinking about something else." She quickly tried to cover up but Derek hadn't gotten where he was from his looks alone.

He looked thoughtfully at Hotch, and then Emily. "Do you think Hotch's behaviour is connected to Emily?"

She had to keep Emily's secret at all costs. "No, not at all."

Derek turned to look at her. "JJ, you're a bad liar, at least you are to me. Come on, what's going on, really."

"I can't talk about it, Derek, please don't ask me to break a confidence." She pleaded with her eyes.

He nodded. "Okay. It makes sense though. If they've been seeing each other, that would be why Hotch has been so relaxed the last few months. Something must have happened because suddenly Emily takes a week off out of the blue and Hotch becomes Mr Invisible, until you see him leaving at 5 o'clock on the dot. In all my years of working with him, I have never seen him leave so early, then he does it every single day. I must say though, they were good. I never suspected a thing." There was a look of reluctant respect on his face.

"I can't believe you're suddenly convinced that they're in a relationship from those flimsy facts."

"Ah, but I haven't told you that I saw them together a few weeks ago. Taken together, it all makes sense."

"What? Where? And why didn't you mention this before?" JJ gave him a look which she hoped showed her displeasure.

"Hey, I never even considered they might be dating all right?" Derek suddenly realised his voice was verging on loud and quickly lowered it. "It wasn't like they had their hands all over each other or nothing, it was just Hotch, Emily and Jack at McD's. I was surprised to see them at the other end of town. They were laughing and joking, looking like a normal family."

"Hmm..." JJ felt mollified after his explanation. "You're right, though, something's definitely happened. We have to fix this, Derek. We have to get them back together." For both their sakes, but especially for the sake of the baby. And now that she knew that it was Hotch, she was pretty sure that Emily had not told him about her pregnancy. Because there was absolutely no way that he would have ended their relationship if he had known, whatever the reason was for his action. She had to admit that she would not have expected Hotch, who never carried out his actions before first thinking methodically and deliberately through every possible consequence and outcome, to have done something so stupid as to let Emily go.

Derek's eyebrows drew together in a frown. "I don't know, JJ, there're going to be issues if they are found out by Johnson. Somehow I don't see him condoning the relationship, do you?"

JJ met his eyes. "No, but that has to take a backseat for now. There're more important things at stake than their careers."

"What – " Derek started to ask what she meant, but he was interrupted by the pilot announcing their impending arrival, followed by Hotch giving them directions as to what they were to do upon arriving at the precinct.

* * *

><p>Emily sighed tiredly as she sank down on one of the visitor chairs in the precinct. It had been a long day, made longer by the fact that she had had to hold her composure in place and act that everything was normal when she was at the lowest point in her life. The only thing that was keeping her going at the moment was the tiny life that was cradled in her womb. She had almost given up hope that she would have the chance to be a mother and yet here she was. And she knew that she was lucky to be in her current situation, despite the almost unbearable heartache. Many women were in much worse straits.<p>

Dave sat down next to her. She turned to give him a smile. They had worked together well. In fact, their suspect had been the first to talk out of the three. She was thankful. If only for the fact that she won't have Derek talking about it for the rest of the week. His competitive nature was painfully annoying at times.

Dave seemed to have read her thoughts. "So, I was thinking of getting Garcia to change the FBI logo on Morgan's screensaver to a picture of you and me holding a sign saying 'we won, you lost'. What do you think?"

"Sounds good."

"Did you hear that Hotch and Reid managed to get pretty much the entire story from the ringleader? Apparently the last straw was Hotch telling him that he would probably never see his three-year-old son again and that his son was going to grow up not knowing him. Reid said that the suspect started shouting and carrying on, telling Hotch he was going to kill him."

To be honest Emily didn't really want to hear any story that involved Hotch. _So it's probably not the most rational idea to stay in the BAU then_, a small voice mocked her. Except where would she go if she wanted to stay in the bureau? Counter-terrorism? Or maybe she should try to get a job with the State Department. But what was the point right now. Apply for a job and then when she got it say, oh, by the way, I'm due to have a baby in about a few months, hope you don't mind if I take three months off. That would go down well. Not.

"Hey, are you okay? You've been very quiet this last couple of days." Emily was touched by the look of concern on Dave's face.

"I'm okay, just tired. Thanks for asking." She smiled.

"Are you sure, Emily? You and Hotch have been acting unlike yourselves lately. You haven't been getting any trouble from Chief Johnson, have you?"

Emily tried to stifle her reaction to Johnson's name. "Trouble? No, of course not." She tried to smile, but it was hard and she knew it must have appeared stiff to him.

"Emily, you'd tell me if you were ever in trouble and need help, right? Because I'm here for you if you need me."

She felt tears prick her eyes at his words. Damn her hormones. She was pretty much crying at a drop of the hat at the moment. She reached over and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. "Thanks, Dave, I really appreciate that. I'll keep that in mind."

"Emily!" They looked up to see Reid waving her over to the reception counter near the entrance.

She got up and walked over to Reid, glancing over to see the three suspects walking to the entrance, as they were being transported to a nearby remand centre to be processed. She heard Hotch's voice behind her as he spoke to Detective Chung about the admissibility of the statements made by the suspects for prosecution purposes. Just as she was turning back to ask Reid what he wanted she saw a rapid movement out of the corner of her eye.

She jerked up to look at the suspects and watched in slow motion as two of them tackled two of the police officers, while the third grabbed hold of a nearby officer's gun. It was the ringleader, his eyes colder than ice as he screamed a word that made the blood freeze in her veins.

"Hotchner!" His hands went up, aiming the gun at Hotch. He was too close to miss.

Emily turned wildly, knowing that there was only one chance to act. Only she and Reid were close enough to do anything. In that split second she saw that no one else had even gotten their guns out of their holsters, so completely taken by surprise were they. And as she leapt towards the man she loved, she heard the gun fire.

She felt burning pain spear into her back when she collided with Hotch's chest, her weight bringing them both down to the ground. The only thing she remembered was his voice shouting her name before she mercifully lost consciousness.

* * *

><p>"EMILY! Emily, can you hear me? Come on, Emily, wake up."<p>

Hotch only vaguely heard Reid's voice as he stared down in horror at Emily's limp body lying on the ground. A wave of fear, the likes of which he had never experienced before, swept through him, freezing him where he knelt. He had been stunned for a few seconds when Emily had knocked him to the ground, his brain not quite processing the fact that she had leapt between him and the bullet that had been meant for him. The bullet that was now in her. He had only come to his senses when Reid had pulled Emily off him, Morgan pulling him upright and shouting in his face, asking if he was hurt. Hotch must have shaken his head because Morgan then turned to Emily, shouting for someone to call 911.

But now, for the first time in his life, he was completely paralysed with fear. He could only watch helplessly as Morgan held her partially upright so that Reid could put pressure on the wound in her back with his wadded up jacket. Hotch couldn't tear his eyes away from her bloodlessly pale face. Even her lips were white, the only colour on her face her black eyeliner and long lashes. Oh God, what was he going to do if he lost her? Why did he ever let her go? Why hadn't he told Johnson to go to hell, do his worst, because he wasn't going to break up with Emily.

And as he watched the woman he loved being loaded into the ambulance, he prayed that he wasn't too late. Because he knew now that a life without her in it would be meaningless and incomplete.

* * *

><p>The team sat in the hospital waiting room, anxiously waiting for word on Emily's condition. Dave looked worriedly at Hotch, who was sitting in his chair, motionless, staring into space. His hands were clenched tightly in his lap, his jaw clenched so hard that Dave could actually see the fine tremor in the muscles surrounding it. Ever since Emily had jumped in front of Hotch, taking the bullet for him, Hotch had been in a daze, barely able to function. Dave had never seen him like that. Even when Foyet had taken Haley and Jack hostage, Hotch had still been able to do what he had to do.<p>

And so Dave started to wonder to himself about the cause of his friend's emotional state. He thought back to the last few months, remembering things that he had not taken notice of or overlooked at the time. He had come back into work late one night last month, having left behind the thumbdrive which contained the first few chapters of his new book. Emily and Hotch were sitting in Hotch's office couch eating some takeaway, files scattered around them. Dave had thought nothing of it, they looked like they had been working late. In fact he had even poked his head in to say hi. Thinking back to that particular night though, they had been sitting together quite close, close enough that if it had been Hotch and Morgan for instance, Dave would have raised both eyebrows at them. When Dave had first seen them, the laughter they had been sharing was quiet, even intimate, not just the laughter that two friends would be sharing.

And then there was the time he had come upon them in the breakroom standing rather close together, talking in a low tone. Dave had cleared his throat to let them know they were no longer alone. But what had surprised him was Emily's face when they had both turned around. Her cheeks were lightly flushed and her eyes were sparkling, and Dave remembered that he had experienced a fleeting feeling that he had intruded on a very private moment. He had dismissed it, knowing full well his friend's thoughts on letting personal feelings intrude on professional relationships, and his strict adherence to the bureau's anti-fraternisation rules. Which had been the reason Hotch had never asked Kate Joyner out. So the thought of Hotch seeing Emily outside work had never even crossed Dave's mind, when really it should have. And yet Dave had to admire the way they had managed to cover up their relationship. Their ability to hide their emotions and disguise their body language was _par excellence_. Another thing they had in common aside from their alpha personalities. As far as Dave knew, no one in their team had even suspected anything. Till now.

Dave hadn't failed to notice the obvious looks that Morgan and JJ had been shooting at Hotch. Hotch wasn't injured in any way, so there was no reason for them to be monitoring him constantly. Dave wondered if JJ knew something more that they didn't, though. She was pale and had bitten her lip more than once, as if she was wondering whether she should be saying something to Hotch. Although Dave wasn't really sure if Hotch would really have registered anything. He was still looking like he was in a midst of sleep walking.

After three and a half hours, a doctor dressed in surgical scrubs walked in. They stood up immediately, Hotch following a few seconds behind.

"Mr Hotchner?" No one had been particularly surprised to find that Emily had listed Hotch as her emergency contact. Reid and Dave had put him down as their emergency contacts as well, not having much family around.

"Yes." Dave saw Hotch swallow hard before stepping forward. The surgeon gave the team a quick glance and walked a few steps away, Hotch following him. The rest of the team stepped back a little to give Hotch some privacy, but Dave didn't budge. He wanted to hear what the surgeon had to say.

"Mr Hotchner, I'm Dr Davis. I understand that you're Emily's partner?" Dave saw that Hotch nodded, not correcting the surgeon's assumption that he and Emily were in a relationship. "She's out of the woods for now. We operated on her and although the bullet did not pass through her, she was lucky that it did not hit any major organs. She did have a large amount of bleeding due to the bullet nicking a major blood vessel, so her body was quite traumatised. I'm very sorry to tell you this, but as a result of the trauma her body had undergone, we were unable to prevent the loss of her pregnancy."

Dave witnessed the blood draining from Hotch's face. "I'm sorry? D..did you say pregnancy?" His voice was only a whisper. Dave started to move towards Hotch, concerned at how pale he looked.

Dr Davis looked surprised, then very apologetic. "I'm so sorry, Mr Hotchner, I thought you knew. Emily was 13 weeks pregnant. The trauma to her body was too severe and we had to perform a D&C after we were unable to stop her bleeding."

"Aaron!" Dave reached Hotch just in time as he swayed where he stood. Dave grabbed him around the waist while the surgeon grabbed Hotch's other arm, holding him up.

Morgan rushed up to them, and together, they assisted Hotch onto the three seater couch. Dr Davis took his pulse after grabbing a stethoscope from a nurse who had rushed up to them, check Hotch's heartbeat.

By then, Hotch had started to recover and was trying to sit up.

"Easy there," murmured Dave. He and Morgan helped Hotch into a sitting position.

"Wh..what happened?" Hotch looked dazed as he stared around at his team members and the doctor and nurse crowded around him.

"You fainted, Mr Hotchner."

Hotch frowned, looking perplexed. "I fainted? Why did I faint?" Dave could understand his confusion. To his recollection, the only time Hotch had fainted was after the SUV exploded before him, killing Kate Joyner who was with him at the time.

Dr Davis' voice softened. "Mr Hotchner, I had just told you about Emily's pregnancy."

Hotch blanched at his words. "No." A world of pain was encompassed in that one word. Dave felt his own heart clench in sympathy upon seeing the devastation on Hotch's features.

"I'm so sorry for your loss. Emily will be taken into the ICU soon where we'll monitor her closely for the next 24 hours. After that, if all goes well, she'll be moved into a private room. You can see her for a few minutes, but no longer. Once she's in her own room you can stay as long as you like. I'm sorry, but I have to get back to check on Ms Prentiss."

Dave glanced over at Morgan, JJ and Reid, giving them a look. Understanding, they walked away towards the large row of windows at the other end of the waiting room.

"She'll never forgive me, Dave. I thought if she lives, I'll do anything, anything to get her back. But now she'll never have me back." Hotch lifted pain-filled eyes to him.

"Aaron, that's not true. Emily's not going to blame you for the losing the baby. It wasn't your fault. Or hers. It was nobody's fault. And the fact that she tried to protect you means she loves you. Don't give up on that."

Hotch was already shaking his head. "You don't understand, Dave. I broke up with her and she hates me. She hasn't even looked at me since she came back to work yesterday. She can't bear to be near me, I know."

Dave was unsurprised to hear that they had broken up. But he was taken aback that Hotch had been the one to end it. "Why did you break up with her, Aaron?"

"It doesn't matter now," he said tiredly. "It's all too late. I'm just so sick of it all. For the first time in my life I don't care about the job or the BAU. I just want Emily to be fine. She doesn't deserve this, Dave. I should have been the one protecting her, not the one causing her to get hurt."

"Aaron, you did not get Emily hurt! It was the bastard who shot at you that hurt her. Trust me when I tell you that she's not going to blame you for anything. Not for getting hurt, not for losing the baby. I know this, and you do too, deep inside your heart."

To Dave's horror, he saw Hotch's eyes fill with tears at his words. "She was pregnant, Dave. She was pregnant with my baby." The pain in his voice and eyes tore at Dave's heart, a heart that Dave thought was immune to everything. So he was surprised at the tears that started to fill his own eyes. He reached over and put his hand on his friend's shoulder as Hotch sobbed beside him. Dave looked up to see JJ crying as well, while Morgan and Reid looked on, worry and concern reflected on their faces.

* * *

><p>"David Rossi."<p>

Dave looked up from the coffee machine at the sound of a familiar voice. "Nills Petersson." He shook the hand of his colleague. "Fancy meeting you here. What are you doing here?"

"I just came from visiting an old friend from college. We usually try to catch up if I'm in town. What about you?"

"My team mate was injured a few hours ago."

"Oh?" Petersson frowned. "Who was it?"

"Emily Prentiss."

"Agent Prentiss, really." Petersson looked surprised.

Dave raised his eyebrows, hearing something in the tone of Petersson's voice that he couldn't identify. "You know Emily?"

"No, not really. I met her at Cullenden's a few weeks ago. But we didn't really speak. I know her mother quite well, though. I'm surprised she was injured, I understand she's an excellent agent."

"She is," nodded Dave. "She took a bullet meant for Aaron Hotchner."

Petersson nodded as Dave gave him a brief outline of what had happened. "A commendation will doubtless be on the way, then."

"I doubt it, with Johnson around."

Petersson didn't ask why, obviously more than aware of the competency of his colleagues, or in this case, the lack of competency. Petersson's own competency was unquestionable. As was his formidable intelligence. It was rumoured that the Director was training him to occupy the top spot down the track. "Did Agent Prentiss say anything about what happened at Cullenden's?"

Dave frowned at the question. "No, why, did something happen?"

His colleague shook his head. "You'll have to ask her."

The door down the corridor opened. Dave saw Hotch leaving the ICU, swiping the tears from his face as he did so before walking off in the direction of the waiting room. He glanced across to see that Petersson had also witnessed Hotch's exit. Dave picked his papercup up. "I'm sorry Nills, I need to get back. It's been too long, though, maybe we can catch up over a drink some time?"

"Yes, of course. It was good seeing you, Dave."

"Likewise. I'll give you a call when I get back to Quantico."

"Please do."

Dave walked away, immersed in his thoughts of what he could say to Hotch to give him hope. As such, he failed to notice the thoughtful look on Petersson's face as his eyes followed Hotch's progress until he disappeared from view.

**I'm expecting a lot of virtual hisses and boos at the very least, hate mail at worst. I'm ready for your comments, so let me know what you think. Things will start to improve next chapter, so _please_ don't give up on me yet.**


	14. Forgive Me

**FINALLY, things are starting to look up for our favourite couple, thank goodness. I apologise for not replying individually to your reviews for the last chapter. I had a week-long headache which drained me somewhat. But thank you all so very much for reviewing, I know it wasn't an easy chapter to read. Only two more chapters to go after this, so the end is in sight.**

**Thank you, Michelle for helping me out with looking through this chapter, you're the most wonderful friend.**

**RuthSand, I think you are reviewer #200, so can you please PM me if you'd like a oneshot?  
><strong>

**_Forgive Me_ by Evanescence, lyrics copyright Wind-Up Entertainment, Inc.**

* * *

><p><em>Can you forgive me again?<br>I don't know what I said  
>But I didn't mean to hurt you<em>

_I heard the words come out_  
><em>I felt that I would die<em>  
><em>It hurt so much to hurt you<em>

_Then you look at me_  
><em>You're not shouting anymore<em>  
><em>You're silently broken<em>

_I'd give anything now_  
><em>to kill those words for you<em>

_I can't live this life_  
><em>Without you by my side<em>  
><em>I need you to survive<em>

* * *

><p>Hotch did not leave Emily's bedside once she was transferred to her own room. It was the second morning after the shooting when he saw her eyelids move.<p>

"Emily?" He leaned close and took the hand that was not hooked up to the IV.

Her eyelids fluttered and then slowly opened. He felt an immense wave of relief flood him. He had never felt so thankful in his life for being able to look into her eyes again. She blinked a few times, trying to focus on him.

"A..Aaron?" Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Hi sweetheart." The endearment slipped out unbidden.

Her brow knitted in a small frown. "Thirsty."

He took a cup of water and brought the straw near her lips so that she could take a couple of small sips.

"What happened?" She look at him, her eyes still drowsy.

"You don't remember?" He tried to look composed but inside he was a mess of pain and anguish. Oh God, he was going to have to tell her about the baby. How was he going to do that after everything she had just suffered? He looked at her, lying pale and still on the hospital bed, a completely opposite person to the vibrant and happy woman who had greeted him at the door to her apartment just 10 days ago. He would have given up everything he had to take her place. She didn't deserve any of this. Everything that she was suffering and was about to suffer was all because of him. "The suspect I interviewed tried to take a shot at me, but you jumped in front of me. You saved my life."

"I did?" She was silent for a moment. "I'm glad I did. I'm glad you're okay." She smiled faintly at him. Her eyes suddenly widened, fear materialising on her face. "Aaron, the baby! Please tell me the baby's all right."

He stared at her, emotion overwhelming him as it had every time he had thought about her pregnancy. The pregnancy that was now no more. He couldn't tell her, his brain unable to make his throat work. But he didn't have to, he could see the realisation in her eyes from the look on his face.

"No..." she whispered brokenly. "Please, please tell me it's not true." Tears filled her eyes and spilt down her cheeks. "It can't be true."

"Emily, I'm so sorry." Sorry. A word that was indescribably inadequate to convey the depth of his sorrow.

She didn't even appear to have heard him, hopeless despair written in every line of her face. She stared blankly at the far wall, her hand pressed on her stomach as she mourned the loss of her baby.

Hotch squeezed her hand tightly. "Emily..." He started to speak, but realised he didn't know what to say. There was nothing he could say that could possibly comfort her in any way. He couldn't even say that he understood, because he didn't. He would never know what it felt like to carry a child within his body, and then lose that child.

She slowly dragged her eyes to him. The pain reflected there made him want to howl and beat his fists against the wall in grief. "I just can't...look at you right now." Fresh tears filled her eyes and she pressed her trembling lips together. "I need you to go. Please."

With a final I'm sorry, he got up and left the room, wondering dimly if the unbearable agony in his heart would ever subside.

* * *

><p>Emily looked up at the sound of her intercom buzzing. It had been almost three weeks since the incident in Boston and she still had another week of medical leave. She hadn't decided what she was going to do yet though, and thinking about it was driving her crazy. She loved the BAU but she didn't think she could work with Hotch and not think about what they had together and the baby that she had lost. Especially when the wound was still so fresh that the barest touch would cause it to bleed all over again.<p>

Checking the security camera she saw Dave smiling up at her and buzzed him in. Two minutes later a knock sounded and she opened the door. "Dave! What are you doing here?"

Dave grinned at her, walking into the room. "I come bearing many gifts."

Emily had to laugh when she saw how completely laden he was with flowers, chocolates and a couple of containers of food. There was even a very cute honey coloured teddy bear, which had eyes the exact shade of Hotch's. At that thought the smile on her face faded as her heart clenched with pain. She didn't know if she could face him again. The last time she had seen him had been one of the most painful times in her life, so in an effort of self-preservation, she had locked it in one of her mental boxes and tried not to think about it.

"Over here, Dave." She pointed to the dining table.

He put down the gifts, listing each item's benefactor as he did. "Flowers from Morgan, I think there's a card in there somewhere. French chocolates from Reid, teddy bear from Garcia. JJ said she'll bring hers later when she visits with Henry. Oh, and of course my famous spinach and ricotta cannelloni." He bent down to give her cheek a kiss. "I'm so sorry this is my first chance to visit you after you've come home from the hospital. We've been out of town until yesterday. Tell me the truth. How are you?"

"I'm okay." She gave him a smile to reassure him. "Getting better every day. Let's go sit down. Would you like a drink?"

"No thanks, I'm good."

They moved into the lounge area.

Dave looked at her searchingly. "So are you going to come back to the BAU?"

She bit her lip. "I'm not sure. It's just so hard to decide what to do. You know I love you guys and it's the best job I've ever had, but..." Her voice trailed off.

"But Aaron is there."

Her eyes widened. How did Dave know?

"Don't freak out, but we all know about you and Aaron, Emily."

"What? How?" She couldn't imagine that Hotch would ever have said anything.

"It was pretty clear from Aaron's reaction after you were shot that his feelings for you were not exactly professional. I've never seen him so terrified at the thought of losing you."

Emily didn't know how to process that. He still had feelings for her? Despite this he still broke up with her?

"You'll have to face him sometime, you know," Dave said gently.

"I know. Just...not yet." His presence was a tangible reminder of everything she had lost.

"He's hurting, Emily, just like you."

She looked up at Dave, her heart aching. "That's not my fault, Dave."

"I'm not saying it is. But maybe you can give him another chance."

She shook her head. "I'm not the one who gave up on us. I can't give him the chance to hurt me again, Dave. Surely you can understand that."

"Emily, I know you think he broke up with you because he was trying to protect his job. But I think you're wrong. I've know Aaron a long time, and yes, the BAU was his life, but it's not his life anymore. _You're_ his life."

She felt her throat clog with tears. "Well, then he has a funny way of showing it. He still broke up with me, Dave, he didn't even bother trying to talk it through with me to figure out what we could do."

Dave sighed. He reached over and took her hand, holding it in both of his. "Emily, I need to tell you something. I think I know why Aaron broke up with you." He then proceeded to tell her about what he had found out from his colleague in the Washington field office. "And that's why I'm asking you to give Aaron another chance. He did all that to protect you, and also himself. He has Jack too, remember? But I promise you, Em, he loves you, of that I have no doubt whatsoever."

Emily stared at Dave, her mouth open in shock at everything that Dave had said. She could barely believe it. That was why Hotch had broke up with her? But even putting all this aside, one thing remained unchanged. She looked uncertainly at Dave. "Even if I did give him a chance, Dave, nothing's really changed. The bureau's not going to waive the anti-fraternisation rules for us."

"That may be true, Emily. So I guess you have to decide if your job is more important than having Aaron in your life. And I think you know what the answer to that is, after the loss you've experienced." There was compassion in his gaze.

She knew that he was not just to the physical loss of her baby, but also to the fact that she had lost her chance to have a family. She nodded slowly, acknowledging his comment.

After Dave left, she sat at the dining table, holding the teddy bear with Hotch's eyes and thought about everything Dave had said. She remembered the stark pain in Hotch's eyes as he told her about the loss of their baby. She had been so immersed in her own hurt and self-pity at the time that she never thought about how he had felt. To be told in the same breath that the person he had been in a relationship with had been pregnant and had lost the baby must have been devastating in a way she could never imagine. And now that she knew he had ended their relationship not because he hadn't had feelings for her but to protect her made her feel even worse.

She suddenly remembered telling him that it was because she loved him that she didn't expect anything from him. And that it would be okay if he never fell in love with her. But she hadn't kept her word. She had been selfish. Most of all, she should have known him well enough to know that he would never have broken up with her so easily after that last night they had spent together.

Leaning back on the chair, she closed her eyes, thinking of what she would have to do if she wanted to be with Hotch. And she did. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She wasn't going to let him go. Her eyes opened. She knew what to do.

She reached over and picked up her cell. She found the contact she was searching for and waited for the call to connect. When it finally did, she spoke. "Hello Mother? I hate to ask, but I need your help."

* * *

><p>Hotch paused before the door in front of him. The memory of the last time he had knocked on a superior's door was still fresh in his mind even though a month had now passed. Despite the fact that SAC Petersson was not his supervisor, he was still his superior. He shook his head, he was probably worrying over nothing. The BAU had been asked in the past for consults by the Counter-intelligence Division, so it was likely just that. It was disconcerting thought that he hadn't been told what this meeting was about when he received a call from Petersson's secretary.<p>

He took a deep breath and knocked.

"Enter."

Hotch took a few steps into the office. "Sir, you asked to see me?"

"Agent Hotchner, take a seat." Petersson came from behind his desk and gestured towards the two lounges in the corner of his office.

While Hotch seated himself, Petersson walked to the cabinet situated to the left of his desk and poured two shots of scotch, handing one to Hotch before he could protest. He took a seat opposite Hotch. "You must be wondering why I asked to see you."

"Yes, sir." He took a sip of the Scotch when Petersson made an encouraging gesture with the hand holding his snifter. Hotch already knew from the aroma of the Scotch that it was an expensive one. The single malt slid down his throat, warming his insides with a mellow heat.

"I had a drink with Dave Rossi last week and we spoke about a number of things. One of which was Agent Prentiss."

Hotch was glad that the only sign of his startled reaction was the slightest pause in his hand as he lowered his snifter. He looked up to see Petersson's eyes focussed on him. "You asked to see me to discuss Agent Prentiss?" he asked carefully. What the hell did Dave tell Petersson? He knew they were good friends; Dave had been Petersson's first supervisor when he had first started at the bureau close to 20 years ago.

"We can start with the topic of Agent Prentiss." Petersson took a sip of his scotch, cupping the snifter in his hands to warm the light amber liquid. "I understand that you were in a relationship with her."

Hotch felt his heart stutter. Was this the reason that Petersson had wanted to see him? For a reprimand? He stayed silent. Unless he was shown that the bureau had proof of their relationship, he was not admitting to anything.

"Look Aaron," Petersson paused. "I hope you don't mind if I call you Aaron. I'm not here to reprimand or even to lecture you. You have my word that what we discuss here will remain between us."

Hotch looked at Petersson who was waiting patiently for his reply. Dave had told him in the past that he would trust his life to Petersson. So Hotch decided to take a chance. "Yes, Agent Prentiss and I were involved." The memory of the last time he had seen her crying silently in her hospital bed flashed through his mind and he tightened his jaw at the now familiar jolt of pain that accompanied it.

Petersson gave him a shrewd look. "You obviously care very much for her." He said nothing more, waiting for Hotch's answer which came in the form of a reluctant nod. "May I ask why it was that you ended the relationship?"

At Hotch's silence, he continued. "Dave informs me that you and Agent Prentiss were successfully hiding your relationship so there was no reason to stop seeing each other at the time. If I could hazard a guess, I would say that you were forced to end your involvement by an outside force. Acting Chief Johnson, perhaps?" Petersson's voice was mild and he appeared unsurprised to see Hotch jerk upright, unable to control his reaction.

"How did you know, Sir?"

"I have to admit I didn't know for certain until you confirmed it."

Hotch closed his eyes briefly, cursing himself for falling into a trap a new agent would have spotted from a mile away.

"Don't worry. I know that this topic isn't something that you can be completely objective about, which is understandable. I have a theory as to why Johnson made that demand, if you're interested." Petersson took another sip of his scotch, only continuing on when Hotch met his gaze.

Hotch didn't tell him that it really didn't matter what Johnson's reasons were. The damage was done. He had thought hard about what he wanted to do, and staying at the BAU to continue to work under that prick was not something he wanted. Petersson's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"I suspect Agent Prentiss didn't tell you about her encounter with Johnson at Cullenden's about a month ago."

"What?" Hotch uttered involuntarily, shocked.

"I came upon Agents Jareau and Prentiss and Technical Analyst Garcia in one of the hallways leading to the restrooms. Agent Prentiss appeared to have been assaulted and I drove them to the ER."

Hotch felt a burning rage build. Johnson hurt Emily? "Did you personally see Johnson assault her?" he bit out.

"Drink your scotch, you'll appreciate it in a moment. No, I didn't see Johnson at all or I would have hauled him in and reported him. Agent Prentiss obviously didn't report anything and I hadn't thought any further about the incident after Agent Jareau told me she was fine. It was only when Dave spoke about the both of you last week that my curiosity was aroused, so I decided to investigate."

"I'm sorry, sir, but why would you care about any of this?" Hotch was as aware as the rest of the bureau that only the best of the best were appointed SACs in Counter-intelligence, and they were usually hand-picked by the Director. He also knew that Petersson reported directly to the Director on several of his projects. Petersson hadn't decided to look into this particular situation just because he was bored and had nothing to do.

"I obviously don't have a personal relationship with you and Agent Prentiss like Dave has, but you remind me of what my wife and I went through 15 years ago. Like you, we were working together and whether it was proximity or serendipity, we realised that we couldn't live without each other. Luckily for me, my wife made the difficult decision to transfer despite the love she had for that job. Unfortunately she was diagnosed with cancer just three years later." He paused. "My apologies, I digress. As for the investigation, I obtained the consent of the owner to view the surveillance footage after I informed him that an assault may have taken place on the premises. He was keen to co-operate as you can imagine, having such a high profile clientele. I viewed the recordings myself. It was definitely Johnson. It appeared that Agent Prentiss was feeling unwell when he first took advantage of her."

Hotch clenched his fists, the intensity of his anger almost beyond his control. He had to force himself to remain seated to listen to Petersson. It was fortunate that he wasn't in Quantico at the moment, or he would have stormed into Johnson's office and flogged the hell out of him, career be damned.

"Agent Prentiss fought back at first but then became oddly quiescent when he grabbed her for the second time. The only explanation I could think of was that he had threatened her, or perhaps even you in order for her to stop resisting him. It looked like he then let her go when he heard voices approaching. I think that when he thought things over much later, he decided to order you to end your relationship to prevent Agent Prentiss informing you of the incident which if you had known, would have ended his career."

Hotch felt his nostrils flare as he breathed hard to reign in his emotions. "What do you plan to do about this information, sir?" he asked tightly. Ending Johnson's career was not enough. He wanted to destroy Johnson just as Johnson had destroyed his relationship with Emily. But it wasn't only that. Johnson had also destroyed any chance of happiness Hotch might have had with her.

"I have informed the Director and he will be taking steps to relieve Johnson of his position. He will not face any charges if he leaves willingly, but my understanding is that his pension will be forfeited. I know you will consider that inadequate punishment, but I'm afraid this is the furthest extent that the Director will go."

Thoughts of further revenge were so all-consuming that Hotch didn't even hear Petersson's next comment at first.

"Aaron, there is another thing. The Director asked me to speak to you about your transfer request."

Hotch looked up at Petersson. It wasn't possible that the Director already knew about it. Hotch had avoided Johnson and directly approached the US Attorney's Washington office to discuss the possibility of a transfer. When he had been offered a position, he had then requested that the Attorney put in the request to have Hotch transferred there. Since he had only met with the Attorney four days ago, the only way the Director could have found out was if the Attorney had mentioned it to him personally.

"Sir?"

Hotch's eyes widened in surprise as he listened to Petersson convey the Director's request. And when he left the Petersson's office later, his thoughts were no longer occupied with the subject of Johnson, but instead were churning with the Director's offer.


	15. Everything I Do, I Do It for You

**The chapter you have been waiting for...**

**As always, thanks Michelle for reading this through for me. You are THE best, EVER.  
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**Everything I Do I Do For You sung by Bryan Adams, copyright A&M Records**

* * *

><p><em>Look into my eyes, you will see<br>What you mean to me  
>Search your heart, search your soul<br>And when you find me there you'll search no more  
>Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for<br>You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for  
>You know it's true<br>Everything I do, I do it for you_

* * *

><p>The next day was a Thursday, and Emily had just put on light jacket and picked up her car keys, about to leave, when a knock sounded on the door. She frowned, wondering who it could be, it was barely nine in the morning. She walked up to the door and checked the peephole. She felt her heart skipped a beat when she saw who it was on the other side.<p>

Taking a deep breath to calm the sudden butterflies in her stomach, she opened the door.

Hotch stood there, staring at her. Although his face was inscrutable, she could somehow still sense the emotions roiling just under his stoic facade. "Emily. May I come in?"

Her sudden nerves appeared to have caused the loss of her voice. So she nodded instead, standing back to let him in. She closed the door behind him, then turned to face him, her eyes drinking in the sight of him. Her heart ached when she noticed how much weight he had lost. Shadows hung under his eyes and the lines around his mouth were deeply carved.

"I'm sorry, I won't take much of your time. I...know you don't want to see me," he said tightly, voice controlled.

She opened her mouth to disabuse him of his assumption, but he spoke too quickly.

"I just came to ask you to consider coming back to the BAU. You don't have to worry any longer about working with me. I've obtained a transfer to the US Attorney's Office and I start there on Monday, which I understand is when you expect to be back at work. So there'll be no impediment to you coming back to your former position. I've spoken to the Assistant Director and Morgan will act as Unit Chief while they advertise to fill my position."

Emily stared at him, speechless. She couldn't believe her ears. He had quit the BAU? The job that he loved? Dave had said that the BAU wasn't everything to Hotch now, but she hadn't really believed him. After all, even knowing that he would be losing his wife and son, he had still sacrificed his family for his job. She had to know why. "Aaron, why did you ask for the transfer?" She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

He was silent, his dark eyes turbulent as he appeared to debate whether to answer her. "I just want you to be happy." He stopped, swallowing hard. "You deserve to be happy, Emily, and this was something I can easily do." He let out a mirthless laugh. "I would do anything if it meant you would smile again. Give everything I own to go back in time and make sure you hadn't been hurt. But I can't." He tried to smile, but failed miserably.

Her heart clenched when she saw the sheen of tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you, more sorry than you'll ever know." His voice was husky from emotion. He was no longer hiding his emotions, and the pain and sorrow mirrored there stole her breath.

She couldn't bear to let him suffer another moment. She stepped up to him and cupped her hands on his face, feeling the roughness of his stubble under her palms. "You gave up the BAU for me?"

He stared at her, then nodded, looking as if he was too afraid to hope despite her hands resting on his face.

"I only want to ask you one question. And you have to tell me the truth." She paused, her heart pounding as she waited for him to nod, say yes, whatever.

He nodded again, a faintest glimmer of hope starting to dawn on his face.

"Do you love me, Aaron Hotchner?" Everything in her stilled in that moment. Her breath, her pulse, even her heart.

"I love you Emily. With everything that's in me, I love you." His voice was hushed but filled with complete conviction.

And suddenly, everything that was previously pain within her became joy. She smiled tremulously at him. "I love you too."

In the next moment she was enfolded tightly in his arms. She clung to him just as tightly, her face pressed in his neck as she breathed in the familiar scent of his cologne and of him. And for the first time in a long, long time, she mentally recited a prayer of thanks.

"Oh God, Emily, I've missed you so much," he whispered hoarsely, his lips moving in her hair. I never thought I would hold you again." He drew back to look down at her tear-stained face. "I thought today was going to be the last time I would ever see you and I didn't know if I could bear it."

She stared at his beautiful face that she loved so much. "Can you please kiss me?"

So he did. His lips gentle and reverent and so filled with love that another wave of tears filled her eyes. When they finally drew apart she gave him a smile. "I think I need to sit down."

His face clouded with concern. "Are you all right?" he asked as they walked over to the lounge room. Emily halted next to the armchair waiting for him to sit down. He did so, looking at her questioningly before smiling when she sat down on his lap, curling her feet up next to his thigh. He put his arms around her, his eyes raking over her face. "How are you? I haven't even asked." His brows drew together in a frown and he cupped her cheek with his hand.

"I'm fine." She took hold of the hand on her face and pressed a kiss into his calloused palm. "The wound's healing well and there's hardly any pain."

He looked searchingly at her, a troubled expression on his face. "Are you really fine? The baby..." He swallowed hard, a brief flash of pain appearing in his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Her hand tightened around his. "I'm still sad every time I think about it, and the doctor said it'll take me some time to recover emotionally, but I'll be okay. I promise." She held his eyes as she said this, wanting him to know that she was telling him the truth.

"I'm sorry you got hurt. You shouldn't have tried to save me, Emily." His eyes darkened with pain, doubtless remembering the day in question.

"Yes I should have. How could I stand by and let the man I love get hurt?"

He looked wonderingly at her. "You still loved me then, even after what I did?"

She smiled down at him, shifting herself closer. "It's not like I could turn my feelings on and off like a tap, you know. I was mad at myself though, for loving you still, even after you tossed me aside like a piece of trash." She was teasing him, but apparently he didn't hear it in her voice because he closed his eyes briefly at her words.

"Emily, I have to tell you something. I didn't break up with you because I didn't want to be with you. I saw Chief Johnson that morning and – "

Emily put her fingers on his mouth and stopped him. "I know, Dave told me."

He frowned. "He did?"

"He told me everything. Apparently he spoke to SAC Petersson."

Hotch nodded. "It was Petersson that told me everything."

"Why didn't you tell me about Johnson then, Aaron? We would have figured a way out of the mess."

He sighed heavily. "I don't know what I was thinking at the time. It was like I was in this fog of panic and I couldn't even think straight. Nothing made sense and I couldn't figure out what to do. You're completely right. I should have told you."

"So it's true? Johnson's going to resign?"

"It seems so." Hotch looked grim. "If I had my way, I'd have had him hung, drawn and quartered. And that's just for starters. I could kill him for hurting you." His eyes glittered angrily.

Emily put her hand on his chest. "Let's forget about him, hon, he's not worth it wasting even a second of our time on. We have more important things to talk about. Speaking of important things, what have you been telling Jack?"

Hotch grimaced. "I've been a coward and I haven't told him about us. I told him you had been hurt and the doctors said we couldn't see you for a while. He's been down but he seems to have accepted that. Jess was great, she took him to visit her parents this week, so that made things easier."

He looked seriously at her. "I hope you're going to come back to the BAU, Emily. I'm not unhappy at all about leaving. In fact, it'll be a good change. Back to using my law degree, appearing in court, writing briefs. I'm looking forward to it."

She saw the sincerity in his eyes and knew he was telling her the truth. But she too had news.

"We'll talk about that in a minute. I was just about to go out when you knocked on my door."

Hotch finally seemed to notice what she was wearing. "Oh. You've got your coat on."

She grinned. It was completely unlike him to have missed something with his sharp observational skills. "So, guess where I was headed?"

He smiled. "Where were you headed?" The fingers of his left hand started to stroke the small of her back.

"I was coming to Quantico to see you."

"You were? Why?"

She took a breath. "I was coming to see you to tell you that I've gotten a job at the State Department."

Hotch jerked upright at her pronouncement. "What? Why did you do that?" He looked horrified.

She bit her lip, giving him a rueful look. "Well, I wanted you to keep the job you loved and I wanted us to be together. So I called up my mother who made it happen."

As he stared at her, the horror on his face slowly changing to bemusement. "So, let me get this right. I got a transfer so you can stay at the BAU and you got a new job so I can stay at the BAU."

She laughed softly. "I guess this shows how much we love each other. And I don't mind the move. Really. It'll be a good change. I'll get to use my language skills again. So you should stay, Aaron. You're where you're meant to be, leading the BAU."

He shook his head. "My job isn't more important than yours, Emily. I know how much you love being a profiler. I've had the opportunity to be one for more than ten years and I'm happy to have a change. Besides," his voice softened, "I want to spend more time at home with Jack, and God willing, our other children. I don't want to miss more than I already have with Jack."

"No, I can't ask you to give up the BAU, Aaron. I just can't. I'm taking that new job, whatever you say."

He sighed, looking at her. "I knew I was going to come up against that stubbornness of yours one day."

"Oh ho! You're one to talk!" she exclaimed.

They stared at each other as a minute ticked by. Two. Emily's eyes narrowed. She was not giving in. To her surprise, the corner of his mouth twitched and then he started to smile.

"So, are we at a stalemate?" His hand crept under her jacket and managed to find the edge of her cotton top, slipping underneath to touch her skin. She shivered. It had been forever since he had last touched her.

"Appears so. And I'm not backing down." She tried to give him a defiant look but it was hard when his fingertips were ghosting on her skin above the waistband of her pants.

"I guess this is where I tell you what the Director's offered me."

"What offer? You spoke to the Director?" She frowned.

"No, the message came from Petersson. Apparently the Director has been keeping an eye on the performance of the BAU and has been impressed with the work that I've done." He shrugged. "I don't know if I believe that, but that's what Petersson told me yesterday. So when the Attorney mentioned to the Director that he had offered me a job and I had accepted, Director Fickler offered me a promotion to induce me to stay."

Emily wasn't surprised. She knew how hard Hotch had been working and how much effort he had put in the last few months. He had in fact been carrying out two jobs; his and Chief Johnson's. She was grateful that he had not broken down from exhaustion. She knew though that he thought that he was merely doing what he had to and that he shouldn't have been recognised for that. "What was the offer?"

"Well," he paused. "Petersson told me that the Director had decided to split Strauss' position into two. I was asked to oversee the three BAU teams and ViCAP. When Strauss comes back from leave, which I understand will be in two weeks' time, she'll manage the crisis management and rapid deployment teams. We'll share responsibility for the research and training programs."

"Aaron, that sounds like an amazing opportunity! You'll be receiving a double promotion? That's _incredible_! I've never even heard of it happening and you turned it down without thinking about it?" She felt like shaking some sense into him. But she knew why he had done it. It had all been for her. She looked at him, feeling the love she had for him overflow in her heart.

"If I had taken the job, you would have still have had some contact with me, Emily, and I know that would have been enough to dissuade you from coming back to the BAU. I told you that I want you to be happy, and I meant it." He reached up and touched her cheek.

"I know, sweetie, but everything's changed now that we're together. If you take the job neither of us will need to leave because you're no longer my direct supervisor. And more importantly, you'll still be able to work in the field that you love. You won't be as involved as you are now, but surely you'll still be able to do some consults and so on. Unless, that's not enough for you?" She looked questioningly at him.

"I hadn't really thought too much about it, to be honest. I turned it down because I wanted you to feel comfortable about coming back." He sat there quietly, thinking. "I think I could be happy in that job," he said slowly. "I have enjoyed the work I was doing for Johnson, the substantial work anyway. The meetings were a pain in ass."

"I want you to be happy too, so it's up to you. For what it's worth though, I think you'd be happier staying at the bureau and being involved in BAU issues than going back to becoming an assistant US attorney. And another thing is, you won't have to go away on consults so you'll be able to spend more time with Jack and Jess won't need to watch him overnight."

He nodded, brow furrowed in thought. After a moment he looked up at her. "You'd really be fine with me accepting the promotion?"

"Well, I get to stay with the team, so that would be great for me, as long as you think you'll be happy. Besides," she grinned, reaching over and linking her fingers together behind his neck, "I think I can get used to sleeping with the boss again."

He chuckled. "Except now everyone's going to know. Including the Director."

"In that case, soon-to-be-SAC Aaron Hotchner, you had better make an honest woman of me," she uttered, unashamedly smiling.

"I think that can be arranged." He smiled at her, his eyes filled with love and happiness. "I love you, Emily."

"I love you, Aaron," she whispered. And as their lips met, she knew that in letting him know that he was not alone, she had also banished forever the loneliness that she had never even realised dwelt in her heart.

**A/n. My "I Love Manhattan" fic actually slots in after this chapter. There will be an epilogue still to come but this is essentially finished. Thank you for reading this fic, I've enjoyed hearing your thoughts about each chapter. **Do let me know what you thought of this one. I hope you liked it.**  
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	16. Epilogue

**Well, this is it, the final chapter for this fic. After all the angst and sadness, I felt I had to write an epilogue with happiness, and only happiness. Thank you all so very much for travelling this journey with me. There have been tears and laughter and heartbreak, but I do hope that you had a wonderful time reading this story. And thank you too for taking the time to review, it really means a lot to me. Till next time!**

**Michelle, thank you as always for reviewing, you are an amazingly beautiful friend.  
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"Thank you, Jen." Emily smiled at the waitress as she poured them tea. After she left, Emily picked up her cup and took a sip of the fragrant jasmine tea. "Can you believe this place hasn't changed one bit since I first took you here three years ago?"

"You make it sound like that was ten years ago." Hotch gave her an indulgent smile.

"Well, lots of things have happened in three years." Which was true. Hotch did make the decision to accept the promotion and found, somewhat to his surprise that he really enjoyed his new role. It was extremely challenging at times but he loved it. Emily was also pleased that he could still occasionally take up the odd consult. He had even joined them on a couple of interstate cases last year.

They were married exactly three months to the day that Hotch had came to her apartment to tell her that he was going to be leaving the BAU. And then 18 months ago, Emily had given birth to their first child together, a precious little girl named Grace, whom Hotch swore was a carbon copy of Emily down to the identical dimples. Exactly what he had wished for. Emily hadn't quite broken the news to him that their daughter might look like her, but temperament wise, she was exactly like her father. The teenage years was going to be extremely interesting. Especially given the fact that Hotch had been completely serious when he said he wasn't going to allow Grace to go out on a date till she was at least 30. Emily had just nodded and patted his knee. Grace had her daddy completely wrapped around her little finger and it was extremely unlikely that would change anytime in the future.

"How was your day?" she asked Hotch as she nibbled on the complementary candied peanuts. He told her about his day which had been mostly tied up in meetings, the only drawback to being in a management position, while she told him about the telephone consult she had had with the Miami P.D. regarding a possible serial kidnapper.

Hotch waited until the waitress left after taking their order before asking his question. He looked at her, a small smile playing about his mouth, before asking in a casual tone. "So, when's the baby due?"

Emily felt her mouth drop open. Surprise and disappointment fought for dominance. "How did you know?" She stuck her lower lip out.

"Sweetheart, this was the place where most of the major events in our lives together have taken place. I proposed to you here, we had our engagement party here, although God knows what people thought about that," he added as an aside, smiling. "And it was here that you first told me you were pregnant with Gracie. As for tonight, you made sure the kids had a babysitter and I'm pretty sure you're not about to propose. Ergo, you must be pregnant."

"Ugh Aaron, you are such a major spoilsport," she grumbled. She tried to pretend she was angry, but she couldn't. She was too happy. A big smile broke out on her face when he got up and came over to give her a gentle kiss, the joy on his face telling her without words how incredibly happy he was at the news.

When he was back in his seat, he put his hand on the table, palm upwards. She put her hand in his and they sat there holding hands, grinning. She was well aware that they looked like lovesick teenagers to the rest of the restaurant patrons.

"You, my darling, may have guessed the first part of the news, but I still have a surprise in store." She smirked at him.

"Oh?" Hotch picked his teacup up. He raised an eyebrow. He didn't look like he believed her. Or if he did, he doubtless thought it was a surprise of little consequence. Oh, how wrong he was.

"You might want to just brace yourself, honey." She paused for dramatic effect. "We are going to be having twins."

"_Shit!_" The mouthful of tea he had just sipped sprayed out of his mouth like an out-of-control water hose. Emily burst out into uncontrollable laughter at the expression on his face. She had managed to take SAC Hotchner, whom everyone was totally intimidated by and in awe of, completely by surprise with her pronouncement. He was so shell shocked that he hadn't even wiped the tea from his dripping chin.

He stared at her in silence, still stunned as she tried to stop laughing. "Emily, how is that even possible?"

Her mouth twitched helplessly at his question. "Sweetie, if you don't know about the birds and the bees by now, it's way too late."

He frowned his displeasure at her quip. "You know that wasn't what I meant." Picking up his napkin, he wiped his chin.

"All right. Remember that night after I came home from our week long consult in Des Moines? We made love four times that night. I pretty sure it happened then."

Hotch shook his head. "Okay, that answers the when."

"I read that as women get older, the chances of multiple pregnancies increase."

He was still looked somewhat dazed. "I still don't...I can't believe it."

"I know, honey. I found out at the scan this morning and it still hasn't really sunk in." She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Her joy and excitement at the thought of the babies within her was almost overwhelming, but there was also niggle of anxiety. After losing their baby she had experienced a somewhat anxious pregnancy with Grace. And now here she was carrying twins. Which meant an increase in pregnancy complications for both mother and babies.

Hotch seemed to have read her mind, because he reached across the table and cupped her cheek in one hand. "Everything's going to be fine, sweetheart. I'll be with you every step of the way, I promise." He smiled ruefully. "Well, every step of the way after today, in any case." She had called him to accompany her to the doctor's but couldn't reach him as he was in a urgent closed meeting with the assistant director and Director. So she had gone alone instead. Not that she had minded. The surprise on his face was completely worth it.

"Thanks, sweetie." She looked at him, secure in the knowledge that she and the children would always come first for him, before anyone or anything else, including his career.

"Did I thank you that night, three years ago?"

"I'm pretty sure you did." She wondered why he asked.

"Well, just in case I didn't, thank you for dragging a lonely workaholic who was practically beyond salvation out of his office and thank you for feeding that same starving workaholic. But thank you most of all for letting me know that I had someone to turn to. Because if you hadn't done so, I won't be sitting here with the most amazing woman I have ever met, who also happens to be my wife and the mother of my children, whom I love more than words can describe." His eyes blazed with his love for her.

Emily tried to smile at him through the tears in her eyes. "I love you, too," she whispered.

* * *

><p>When they reached home, they found their little girl sitting on the couch while their babysitter, Lauren, read to her. Grace's face immediately brightened upon seeing her second favourite person in the world after her adored big brother. "Daddy!"<p>

Hotch strode over and picked her up. She immediately curled her little arms around his neck rested her dark head on his shoulder. "What are you still doing up, cheeky little monkey?" He pressed a kiss on her head.

Grace lifted her head up and gave him a toothy grin. "Me, up," she nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm really sorry. She woke up a little while ago looking for you and didn't want to go back to bed. I kept her up so she won't wake Jack up." Lauren looked apologetically at the both of them.

"That's all right. Come on, let me walk you out to your car," Emily replied.

When she came back in, her daughter was sitting on Hotch's lap, drowsily rubbing the corner of her green froggie blanket against her cheek. "Come on, bedtime sweetie." She stopped in front of the pair. A faint noxious smell reached her nose. "Gracie, have you done a poo?"

Grace looked at her. "No."

Emily raised an eyebrow. "I think you have sweetie."

"No!" she retorted emphatically.

"Are you sure you haven't done a poo?" She frowned at her younger child.

"NO!" shouted Grace.

Hotch turned her in his lap so that she was facing him. "Gracie, have you done a poo?"

She looked up at her beloved daddy. Hotch gave her a stern look. Or rather, he attempted a stern look. Pushover, thought Emily.

Little Miss Recalcitrant finally answered. "Yesh." She looked completely unrepentant.

Emily shook her head, laughing. "You are a little devil!"

"All right, let's go get you cleaned up," said Hotch, standing up and shifting Grace onto his right arm. "Then it's bedtime for you. No arguments."

As Emily removed her make up, she could hear the low rumble of Hotch's voice emanating from Grace's room, which was across the hall from theirs, her high pitched voice answering intermittently. She finished and walked into her daughter's room, watching as he zipped her into her pink sleepsuit while she stood up in her cot. She loved seeing the two of them together. Grace completely worshipped her dad and Emily knew that Hotch was so enamoured of his precious little girl that it would be a miracle if she didn't end up spoiled. At the moment, all she had to do was flash him a dimpled smile, say 'Pees' (her word for please) and he would fold like a deck of cards. Emily thought that was darn hilarious for a tough ex hostage negotiator. Grace was well clued in on who held the balance of power in the father daughter relationship at the tender age of one and a half.

"Goodnight, beautiful girl," murmured Hotch, kissing her cheek. He stepped aside to give Emily some space.

She pulled her little girl into a tight hug, as always, offering up a brief prayer of thanks for this precious gift. "Goodnight darling, I love you," she whispered, pressing a kiss into the soft raven curls on her head and breathing in her delicious baby scent. The depth of her love for this child of theirs never ceased to amaze her. She gently laid Grace down in her cot.

"Wuv you, mummy," she answered in her sweet little voice, her eyes already closing as she stroked her cheek with her blankie.

Later that night, as they lay in bed, Hotch's hand resting protectively over their babies, Emily knew that neither of them would ever need to worry about being alone again, surrounded by more love and laughter than both of them had ever dared dreamed of.

**I hope you enjoyed this :)**


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